Evva, Agent of Sheild: A Dramatic Commentating
by Sage Nicholson
Summary: There's evil afoot in the MCU. A fanfiction author has made a Avengers story so bad, it might just be the My Immortal of MCU fanfics. It's up to a bored, mediocre writer to combat this evil by... making snarky comments on the internet. Basically just like MST3K, but in written format and not even remotely as funny.
1. Nick Fury's Vampirism: Confirmed

**Hey everybody! I'm back, but in a whole new corner of the fanfiction archive, because this time, I'll be sporking xxMoonlitexx's equally terrible Avengers fanfiction, Evva: Agent of Shield. **

**Oh, what's that, newcomer? You don't know what a spork is? Or xxMoonlitexx? Or why I'm having a one-sided expository conversation with no one? Well, allow me to explain!**

**xxMoonlitexx is a fanfiction author who, without a doubt, must either be the greatest troll or the dumbest human being this side of FourChan. Her magnum opus is the 72 chapter long "My Immortal of Percy Jackson" Suefest "Moon Daughter". I finished sporking that a few days ago. Sporking, by the way, is a method of review wherein a lazy, uninspired author inserts sarcastic comments into someone else's troll fic, because they (the sporker) are not creative enough to write their own, original material. **

**Disclaimer: if the normal Marvel Comics Earth is Earth-616, then this story must take place is Earth-_666_. Prepare for OOC characters, poor grammar, and general Sue-ness!**

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Note! I am takin a little brake form Moon Daughter(but only a short one dont worry) **Nooooo- I mean, take as much time as you want. You should take a break, preferably, that lasts at _least _twenty years.** mean while I write this kick ass story about Loki an also my oc. **Hooo boy, everybody. We got us a relationship Sue. Poor Loki, why does this always happen to him?**

1... The Rune of Power

Flash back a very long time before the story starst: **And by a "very" long time she means about a decade and a half. Because the author has the attention span of a goldfish. **

It was the 1990 century, **The _1990th _century?! Woah, apparently I was wrong! This doesn't take place in the 90s, this takes place in the _1989_00s! That's, like, so far into the future Marvel 2099 is ancient history! And yet, everything is happening like it takes place in the modern era... my theory: the world suffered an apocalypse, and then we rebuilt from the ground up, and so it's like those stories where it's like, medieval times, but it's actually the future. Look, I know it's insane, this whole story is insane just work with me here, people! **Nick Furry was walkin down a street in a dark alley in NYC city **Ah, yes, the lovely New York City _City_, the Big Apple inside the Big Apple! The Capitol of the Capitol of the World! The City So Nice, they _literally _Named it Twice! **listenin to his Walk Man in the rain (this is like an ipod but for old ppl) ***thousands of Generation Xers around the world are suddenly offended and they don't know why* **but suddenly he heard a sad mone. It sonded like a baby but he didnt beleve this at first. Cause he was a careful man, an also bald. What if it might be an alian empersonatin a bab cause alians can do this. **2014 (when this was published)- Seriously, xxMoonlitexx? How could you possibly come up with this random little factoid?! 2019 (Post Captain Marvel- and the Skrulls)- OHMYGOD XXMOONLITEXX IS CLAIRVOYANT! **Anyways he pulled a shotgun out from his pocket **A shotgun. He pulled a shotgun. From his pocket. An over 2 feet, 2 inches _shotgun. From his pocket. _People, it's comfirmed, Nick Furry is a Timelord! **an started to sneak by the wall consealed by teh mightly embrace of shadows. **Furry: *runs around doing random kungfu moves* Colson: "Nick, what are you doing?!" Furry: "Quiet Colson. I am consealed by teh mightly embrace of shadows!" Colson: "... Sir, I think the Flerken venom's going to your head."**

Suddenly he saw a baby! "Omg is that a baby" Said **Captain Obvious **Nick Furry, he loked closer an it was indeed a baby. But it was a very special baby, she was pale an had long dark trusses that winded saductively around her face **Ewww! Sexualizing infants, that's so gross! I feel dirty just reading that sentence!**, but most importantly her skin was... blue! **I thought you said she was... pale!** An her eyes glowed redly an she felted like an ice cube but sculptered magickly. **Okay, Why TF is Evva so speshul looking?! We've seen baby Frost Giant Loki, he just looked like a normal baby, but blue. "Sculptered magickly"?! I don't think so!**

"This is cleerly a demon we must destroy it" Said Colson an he pulled a electro gun out an pointed it at the crib. **JEEZUS, Colson! Itchy trigger finger much?! I mean, yeah, it's a baby Sue, but it's still just an infant! And I thought Rhodey was the only down for child murdering Avenger... **

"No fool" Nick Furry knocked the gun out "this is a baby ice giant, it must have been dropped here or abbadoned **I know this because, um... because Hecate! Look, whenever a Sues around everyone suddenly has knowledge of all the plot stuff they need. Screw having mysteries or discovering stuff at a natural pace!**"

"Ice giants are evil" Snitted Colson. **I mean, he's not wrong... they tried to invade Earth in the middle ages, and they're civilization appears to be made entirely of evil looking mooks and barren Ice Fortresses. We never actually _see_ any Frost Giant civilians, and all they did for their brief screen time was try to take over Asgard... looks like pre-Character Development Thor had the right idea after all!**

"Why are you always a hater Colson" Asked Nick Furry "we must keep this ice giant cause she is a key for teh future when the 9 relms collide, like the prophacy **I obviously know about despite not even learning about Asgardians until 2011 when Thor happened **says" he took something from off the baby's neck!

"Whats this" Said Colson askfully.

"Its a amulit" Explaned Nick Furry wisely "there is a rune of power on this amulit, it means she is a powerful mutent. **Well well well, will you look at that, some actual punctuation in the dialogue! Also: how can some be a Frost Giant _and _a mutant?! Mutants are an Earth only thing! And they're not even legally allowed in this universe! **But we cant tell her this yes, its a secret" He said. He picked up the baby an took it to Sheild. **Ah, yes, "Sheild", the ****Strategic Homeland Enforcement Intervention, and Logistics Division. The have their top men working on getting the name to spell out an actual word, but they just can't seem to crack to code.**"Im adoptin this baby" He explaned to all the Sheild agents**, because, since he was such a careful and also bald man, he saw nothing wrong with showing off his adopted alien daughter to literally everyone in his shady spy organization. Clearly, he could trust these people with his secret weak spot! It's not like any of them would turn out to be, say, _Hydra _later.** "Her ice giant name is acutely Saga but she will need a earthly name, I will name her Evenesca" This is how Evenesca also called Evva for short joined the Sheild. **Let's just ignore the fact that, with the prolonged lifespan of Frost Giants and Asgardians, by the time Evva is old enough to start saying her first words Nick Furry will be an old man. But then again, Samuel L. Jackson is an immortal vampire, maybe Nick Furry is too... *gasp* Maybe _that's _how he knew about all the space/prophecy mumbo jumbo! **

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**Note! I am taking a little "brake" from Sporking bad Percy Jackson fanfics (but not forever, don't worry). Meanwhile, I'll be bashing this "kick ass" story about an Ice Giant/Mutant/Shield Agent/Mary-Sue who enters the Avengers universe and creates a black hole of stupid. **

**I'll also be experimenting a little, by ending each chapter with a short review of an MCU Movie. Why? Because A) I want to remind myself that good media does, in fact, still exist, and B) I'm hoping to start a flame war in the comments section. (BTW Spoiler Alerts for all reviews!). I'll be going in order of release date so the review might not necessarily line up with what's going on in the chapter.**

**Iron Man- The film that started off the MCU with a bang! Despite being over ten years old, Robert Downey Junior's comeback movie still holds up splendidly today. Despite the plot being nothing particularly new or innovative, just a pretty standard origin story/ heroes journey, it stills feels fresh because of clever writing (and equally clever improv), and some truly amazing visual effects. Ironman's looks so realistic, and the process of creating the suit is super fun to watch, even though it's nothing but technobabble and quips for the entire second half of the movie. If I had to point out one flaw with this film, it's that Obadiah Stane, while well acted, is not a particularly interesting villain or well developed character.**


	2. Billionaire Genius Playdough Philanderer

**Thank you ****Professor R.J Lupin1, Kurt50Alien and Bella2be for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**HereWeGoAgain: "" 'No fool' " This just reinforces my opinion that Nick Furry should be played by Mr. T." Everyone should be played by Mr. T. However, there was no way Samuel L Jackson wasn't going to play Fury. He signed a contract that allowed Marvel to use his likeness in their Ultimate Universe if and only if he could play Fury in whatever movies they made. And that sheer dedication is why I think he's perfect for the role.**

**Ari: "Oh well what do we have here...**

**A crappy new fic to spork yay!**

***Sarcasm*" Yay! New fic to spork, new jokes to make, new brain cells to die!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****Maybe it's just me, but does Evva Agent of SHIELD seem kind of...half-assed in comparison to Moon Daughter? Evva is basically a blander copy of Flavia. I guess she's slightly less sociopathic/dumb, but that was what made Flavia so entertaining. Plus the plot of Moon Daughter was batshit insane, while Evva's plot is essentially just the author going down the checklist of MCU movies. There's the Civil War chapter, the Ragnarok chapter, the Infinity War chapter, etc. On the other hand, she's too obsessed with Loki for there to be any love triangles, so there's that." Yeah, this story is definitely xxMoonlitexx's side project in between chapters of MoonDaughter 2. It's still got its own... "charm" though, which is why I'm still sporking it.**

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Note...if you dont like it dont read, quality subjugative! **Yes, as in, I am subjugated to bad quality fanfiction constantly.**

Note...Evva is 16 in this part, shes tellin it from now on. Shes wearin a lether trench coat that has the Sheild thing on it, also ripped jeans. She has long black hair an also blue eyes that sometimes get red. Cause she got rased by humans she has normal skin not blue. **Okay, how TF does that work?! The reason why Loki looks like a normal fleshy being is because Odin cast an illusion on him (also to save on special effects cost). But I sincerely doubt Nick Furry knows how to do the same! **Also shes named after Evenesense but her real name is Saga but she doesnt know this yet. **Thank you Captain Recap. Seriously, why repeat this, did you need to remind us not to tell her?**

2... Teh First Avenger! **Ooh, is this chapter gonna be about Cap?! Cause I'd much rather read about Cap. **

It was my 16 birthday in the mornin **Your 16th birthday "in the morning"? Did you have other birthdays that were in the night, or mid-afternoon? Seems like an odd thing to specify. **an I was eatin a bowl of borin serial, it was gray like cardbored an my life. **Okay, first of all, that metaphor is awesome. Second of, _you_, don't get to use it. Hon, you're a _goddamn agent of Shield. _You're father is Nick effing Furry! You don't have the right to complain about anything, because calling whatever you bitch about a First World Problem will be an insult to First World Problems! **Every day I had to wake up at like 2 in teh mornin to go an practise the other sheild agents. I didnt like them cause they all bullied me cause I was teh youngest agent to ever be in Sheild. **"Hey, guys, look over there, it's our Chief in Command's prodigy daughter!" "Let's bully her!" "Yeah! Clearly this is a good idea!" **They liked to shot at me and steal my stuff but I always kicked there asses in the end, it was like I had a secret Power. **That power being nepotism. Every time something like this happens Nick finds out first and beats the stuffing out of them, then Evva encounters them later and has a slap fight with the already injured ex-agent, and she's convinced that she's actually the one giving them the injuries.**

Suddenly Nick Furry walked in "Hi dad" I said cause I thought he was my dad, cause I didnt know I was adopted yet! **I mean, he rescued you from the streets, raised you as his own, and let you into Shield despite your utter incompetence. Screw your actual parent. He may have been your father, Evva, but he wasn't your daddy!**

"Evenesca you should sit down" Said Nick Furry **"It's weird to stand up while eating breakfast. We have chairs in this house for a mothereffing reason!" **"I have very big news"

"OMG an I goin on a secret mission!" I yelled from my heart.

"Well today at work there was somethin weird"Explaned Nick Furry "There was a expulsion an Loki came from a portal from space, he wants to destory the world" **And you think that only constitutes a "there was something _weird_"?! Congrats Nick Furry, you've just uttered the Understatement of the Century!**

"Whos Loki?" I asked.

"Lokis totally evil, hes not hot at all" Lied Nick Furry **Ooooh. Nicky has a _crush._**"He wants a thing called the teserax, its like a cube but square." **Like a cube. But square. ... I think this one speaks for itself.**

"Do you want me to fight him" I asked. **You? Against a god? Hahaha, oh honey! He'd crush you in seconds!**

"No hes too powerful" Said Nick Furry. "I need like 6 more ppl for this, you must find them! Im gonna make a team called _'__Teh Avengers' _an you will be the first avenger!" **I mean, the first Avenger is Captain America, it says so in the movie title! Or isn't the first Avenger technically Thor, since he was active longer than literally any other Avenger, cause immortality and stuff?...**

"Who are these ppl" I asked wisely. **If you were wise you would have already read about the Avengers Initiative and known who was on it.**

"Well here is a list, you must find them" He gave me a paper, it had some names on it: Steve Rogers "Captan America", Tony Stark "Iron Man", Hulk, Thor, Hakeye, an "Black Widow!" **Ok, so Steve and Tony both have their names and superhero handles listed, but none of the others do. Does xxMoonlitexx just not know the secret identities of Hulk, Hawkeye or Black Widow?!**

"Wait but Hakeye **was brainwashed by Loki already, **an Black Window ***snicker* **live here, there agents of sheild" I explaned. "Also Captan America is custardy" **Gross. I don't want to hear about Cap's custard-like qualities. Unless you're referring to him being sweet, smooth, and milky white. Because he is indeed all those things.**

"Yes but you must find Iron Man, Hulk an also Thor" Said Nick Furry "Iron Man is in the Strak Tower, Thor is in Assgard, but Hulk is in **India **Astralia. **Hmm****... actually, it makes a lot more sense that Banner would isolate himself somewhere remote then travel to country known for it's stressfully overflowing population.**"

Firstly I decided to find Iron Man cause Stark tower was right next door to us. I went up the stares an into a office that said "Tony" on the door. **Bitch please. Tony Stark wouldn't accept a simple office with his name on the door. Tony Stark'd have literally half the building dedicated to him, and to get to his massive playboy room with the jacuzzi and the flatscreen TV you'd have to walk through a gilded corridor filled with pictures and trophies and greco-roman statues all celebrating himself. **Tony Stark "Iron Man" was there, he was wearin a mecka sute all red with some gold an he was drinkin alkahol from a bottle. **Well. That is a surprisingly accurate depiction of Tony. **Also... Colson! ***cue canned guest star applause from sitcoms***

"Wtf Colson" I exponded loudly! "This is my mission!"

Colson swimped "teh Avengers ignitiative is under my orders" **Man, Nick Furry's communication with his agents is horrible! If Shield is always run like this, no wonder Hydra managed to thrive!**

"Well Nick Furry put me in charge" I said, an I flipped him off an he ran away crying. **Bitch.**

"Hi I am Evva, will you join this new team, its like a club 'the avengers'" ***valley girl accent* "Hi, my name is Evva, I'm an underwhelming teenage goth girl who just insulted your old friend, come join the Avengers, I'm calling it a club and not even bothering to mention the urgency of this situation." **I said to Tony Sark.

"Why" Said Tony Stark.

"Cause the world needs us in this battle for evil" I explaned. **Is she literally recruiting him to fight _for _evil?!**

He gleered sarcastickally "When do we start!"

"When Nick Furry says go" I explaned. **Of course, judging by how incompetent Shield is in this universe, he could give you the go ahead _weeks _after the invasion actually happens.**

"Well to dafeat evil will be easy for me cause I am a billionare genius playdough philanderist" **Oh. My. God. Tony Stark's most iconic line... you utterly ruined it! WTF is a "playdough philanderist", why is Tony bragging about his gross fetishes?! EPIC FAIL.** he snerked pridefully.

I garbbed him by a vane in his neck ***wince* Ooh. That's gotta hurt. **"You better not be hittin on me" I yelled.

Tony Stark "Iron Man" laughed "Your kind of hot!" (it wasnt pervy tho cause hes acutely 17 here) **In that case he shouldn't be drinking. But I suppose when you have as much money as Tony you can do whatever you like.**

"Yeah well Im not datin you" I snerked. **Tony doesn't want you. He's got Pepper.**

"Plz bitch" Said Tony Stork**, demonstrating he alone had an ounce of common sense**. But I had a black blt cause I was a Sheild agent so he left me alone. **Hmm. Delicious yet dark sandwich vs LITERAL FREAKING MECHA SUIT! I wonder who'd win?**

Now I needed to go find all the other Avengers, where should I go next. **To Hell.**

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**Sorry it took me a while to post this, but it is super annoying having to type the entire bloody chapter out! Happy Fourth of July!**

**The Incredible Hulk- Ah, yes, the movie Marvel is desperately trying to make you forget about! But I don't really understand why. It's a decent movie, not fantastic, but, still, I enjoyed it. Edward Norton, while not as fun as Mark Ruffalo, is still a decent Bruce Banner, and I found his romantic subplot with Betty Ross to be really sweet, which is saying something cause I usually hate that kind of crap (it takes time away from explosions). The special effects are good, the Hulk himself holds up pretty darn well. The plot is sort of confusing though. The first part of the movie takes place in Brazil, and they go through a lot of trouble showing Banner's life there and his current status quo, as well as setting up a love interest, and it looks like it's gonna take place mostly there, but then the movie does a total 180 and suddenly it's about Banner finding this scientist in NYC who can help him, and Betty Ross is in the picture, and he useless rebound boyfriend who's played by that guy who plays all the rebound boyfriends, and I just don't understand why there's such a jarring change. Did the guy who wrote the first script quit halfway through, and another guy took over who had completely different ideas on what to do?! Whatever, point is, the Incredible Hulk, while not perfect, is a decent movie, it's kind of annoying Marvel tries to pretend it never happened and I'd like to bring Betty Ross back please, or actually do something with the scientist guy who got goop dripped on him and now may or may not be a monster, thank you very little.**


	3. Do Ya Come From a Land Down Under?

**Thank you ****crinutsaclash, Rainbowsphinx, Kurt50Alien, Knightwing20042 and Professor R.J Lupin1 for following, favoriing and reviewing!**

**And now, for something completely different. Underlining the Guest Reviews so they're easier to read! Tell me if it works:**

**BornOfTheGods: "We already know "distrage"... here are some new words: Gleer (verb) - To both leer and glare, as in "He gleered sarkastickally." Snerk (verb) - To irk with snark, as in "He snerked." Now if only someone could find out what "swimp" means..." I kind of have to give xxMoonlitexx some credit. Her made up words may be silly, but they really do sound like they're supposed to. I've even been tempted to use them myself once or twice...**

**Guest: "-"Swimp" could be "simpering" plus "wimp?" Although it disturbs me that I'm beginning to understand trollspeech. **

**-Tony Stark x Playdough can join Sally Jackson x Corpse on the list of ships no one asked for.**

**-The bar is set really low, but Evva and Nick Furry have the only potentially interesting relationship in the xxxMoonlitexxx-verse, stupid as it is." ****1\. That sounds right. 2. It's currently on my list of Ships I Pretend Don't Exist, along with Sally X Dead Grover, Jason X Fluttershy Automaton, and Thor X Loki. *shudder* 3. True, it really does seem like a loving father-daughter relationship, with potential for a lot of intrigue and drama. Let's see how it gets totally ruined!**

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "Nick is a furry now? Really? That's not a canon rape at all, and it DEFINITELY isn't second to Jason the brony. I'LL PULL THE TRIGGER ON MOONLITE, SOMEONE LOAD THE GUN AND COCK IT! WHILE WE WERE ALL WATCHING, SHE GOT OUR FANDOMS IN HER POCKET!" ****I don't think Nick Fury and Nick Furry are the same people. In fact, Furry might even be Mr. T...**

**Didi: ****"I HAVE RETURNED for only a short period of time because I haven't watched all of the Avengers and Marvel movies. Can you give me an order to watch all of em in? Also I'm pretty sure that the cube-square thing might have been here explication for dimensions. Or she's still in Kindergarten. ****AND it would be easier to hide in a crowd in plain sight than to be in the middle of no where hidden.****"** **Okay, first of all, the best way to watch the movies is in order of their release date, but if there's some you just aren't interested in, there's no need to slog through them just for slogging's sake, find a synopsis instead. Second of all, that has to be the single dumbest geometric description I've ever heard. Third of all, while it would indeed be easier to hide in a crowd, a white dude like Bruce sticks out like a sore thumb in India, and Bruce isn't just hiding from the military, he's also trying to protect to world from his violent alter ego.**

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Kyla will beta this when she gets back from camp **Speaking of which, I myself will be at camp soon, so expect the publishing schedule to get even more infrequent and sporadic! *yay***, you cant expect all the spellin to be a hundred present perfect anyways! **No. But I can expect you to _at least _spell "the" right! **

3...I Hunt for teh Hulk

Nextly I knew I must find teh Increduble Hulk. I telaported to Astralia with the power of sheild. **When TF did SHIELD get teleportation tech?! Is xxMoonlitexx just confusing them with the Justice League and their Zeta Tubes?! **I loked in the dessert (geddit like Loki **Claiming your misspelling is a pun does not excuse the fact you misspelled it in the first place.**) but he was not in site.

Well first thing you should know, Hulk is not acutely a green bein of Rage. **...He's not? Than what is he, a purple bein of Constipation? No, wait, my bad, that's the Amazing Bulk (look it up, it's awful). **Hes a nerdly man called Burce Banner, but maybe hot a little when hes not hulked. **True. Mark Ruffalo's Banner is a total cinnamon roll. **I pondred as the sun set redly over the sands of the dessert **Mmm, what type of dessert? Was it a flambé? I'ma say it's a flambé. I'm craving flambé.**, what did I know of Hulk. One time I was shotting bulls eyes **Looks xxMoonlitexx forgot she was writing Evva instead of Flavia for a minute. **at sheild when some slutty sheild agents were talkin about him ***rolls eyes* **, they said he was hot but they were blond ***facepalm* _Of course _they were. **an into green skinned, I also heard them speakin Smutt about teh green Goblin **On the one hand, I try not judge other people's fetishes. On the other hand... ew. **(but he is acutely hot tho, not the Normal one but Harry in teh new movie) **That twinky looking kid with the God-awful emo haircut? Um. No.**

I reflectered on this but tehn a saw a Astralian there ***joyful gasp* Hugh Jackman?! **(but it wasn't Huge Jackman sadly ***disappointment***) He was hunting snakes an he had a Indian Jones hat. **People, prepare for stereotypes. And to any Australians reading, may I just give a preemptive apology. **"Where is the Hulk" I asked him, to show I wanted buisness I pulled out my hand gun an pointed it at his throat. **Oooh, that Aussie dude (let us call him "Ozzie" better be careful! She might _throw it at him. _****WTF, Evva?! You can't just go around threatening random civilians! I can't wait until she joins with Loki and stops pretending like she's remotely a hero.**

"Whoa bitch" He said "Your intents" **Damn. Ozzie's got balls!**

"I know, Im a secret agent" **Emphasis on _secret_. As in, this is the worst kept secret since the title of Endgame. **I snerled an my eyes flashed him red cause I was a ice giant, an also a powerful mutent (but I didnt know these yet) **Y****ou'd think that, if her eyes flash red literally every time she throws a hissy fit, _someone _in SHIELD would have noticed by now. But I guess they were too busy lusting over characters that aren't even technically supposed to exist yet.**

"Well theres a giant green monster here, it eats my friends cows" He explandered "I thought, maybe a tiger." **...****A tiger. You saw a giant green man... and thought it was a tiger. In _Australia. _People, presenting 2019's winner of the "Too Dumb To Live" award, _Ozzie the Random Australian_!**

"This is no tiger" I pornounced ***snigger***.

Suddenly there was a crush, a Hulk thundered out from the trees, **Unfortunately it was the Ang Lee one. **it was the Increduble Hulk!

"wtf mate" Yelled the Astralian man, he was a muggle so he was confussed. **Bitch please. Like you wouldn't freak out if you saw Hulk IRL. **But I pushed him to teh ground **thus stopping him from escaping the imminent Death By Hulk. *adds Ozzie to Evva's fledgling kill count* **an presumed a fightin pose "I know your in there Bruce" I yelled at the Huk!

Suddenly he started to shrink! He shrinked until he was a normal size man with glasses, it was...Bruce Banner! **_Screw that whole "The Sun's Getting Low" s***, all you need to do to stop the Hulk is utter a stock movie phrase! _**

"Im sorry, I cant control my anger" He excussed** while competing with Nick Furry for the "Understatement of the Century" award,** "I must hide in the dessert alone from ppl, if I turn into the Hulk there is death an destruction in my wake" **Well. You've been doing a s**tty, s**tty job of hiding, considering you've been poaching from poor Ozzie's friend for monthes! **A tear swum from his eye singly, I could see much pain baneath his glasses. **Hey, how TF does Bruce have his glasses?! Wouldn't they have gotten lost or broken when he Hulked out?**

"Sheild wants you to join the "_Avengers_" I told him. **Well, clearly he won't accept, since he's so scared of hurting those around him, and went to such lengths to avoid-**"Ok" He said. **Or not!**

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**I swear to God, in this universe people feed young babies paint thinner instead of milk.**

**Iron Man 2- A lot of people say that this is the worst Iron Man movie, but truth is I actually kind of like this one. It's not perfect, of course, the pacing is rather slow and the new element MacGuffin is both a ridiculous Deus ex Machina and a poorly executed twist, but the actors give great performances. The villains are generic, but burd obsessed Vanko is fun to watch (Hammer on the other hand just annoys me). I loved watching Tony Stark struggle with facing his mortality, but then again I would happily watch Tony Stark brush his teeth for a straight hour, he's just that entertaining! Black Widow is rather underused in this, but it's still great to see her. I also love this movie because, y'know that kid in the Iron Man mask? The one who Tony saves from a Hammer controlled suit? Word of God says that's a young Peter Parker, which is awesome! This movie isn't for everyone, but I recommend that anyone who's interested at least check it out.**


	4. This Book Gets Like, 10 Times More Meta

**Thank you ****BookLover21213, 1 and Professor R.J Lupin1 for reviewing, following and favoriting!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Aitty At Ait Aat**:** "I figured out the true meaning behing Moonlite's fanfics. The characters are all on LSD."**** That... sounds 'bout right. Or maybe it's just the Sue who's been drinking the cactus juice.**

**Didi: "****Thanks for the advice m8. I'll do that as soon as I can :)**

**I feel bad for Bruce Banner. He and the hulk both need hugs except I'm much more willing to give the smaller one a hug."**** Hulk: HULK WANT HUG TOO! NOW HULK FEEL EXCLUDED!**

**Guest: "So Nick Fury is apparently such a big Evanescence fan that he named his daughter after them." Was Evanescence even a thing in the 90s?**

**Guest: "Also since Evanescence wasn't formed til 1995, we can estimate that this prologue is happening after then, let's say 1996. Meaning sixteen years later it is in fact 2012. So xxMoonlitexx actually did the math correctly for once." Seriously?! She did?! It's a miracle!**

**Ari: "Heh, I think you might be right with the paint thinner thing... Actually maybe they also feed kids with something else" If by something else do you mean Psilocybin mushrooms?**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****It wasn't "Huge Jackman?" So it might still have been HUGH Jackman?" Nah. I'd rather it be this random bro. His name is Ozzie. He was born in Australia. So I guess you could see he's Ozzie _Aus_born? (geddit?)**

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Omg everyones bein such a jerk about my other story Moon Daughter so Im takin a brake from taht one for now, are you happy now as sholes! **Yes. **(ps Im not callin you all ass holes just teh ppl who flamed my private massages _u know who u are_) **Wow. xxMoonlitexx's hatedom is so large the've actually started bothering her while she gets facials? But seriously, sending mean messages to someone's PMs, no matter how awful a writer they may be, is not okay.**

4...Captain America an Also Thor

I telaported to Sheild with Burce Banner with me, they put him in a glass box so he couldn't go Hulk on our assess. **Isn't threatening Bruce by taking pre-emptive measures against the Hulk exactly what caused him to snap in the Movie in the first place? Also- I know she's referring to the containment cell Loki was in, but am I the only one who, when I hear "glass box", thinks they stuff him in one of the ugly modern tables? Just me? I thought so... **Nick Furry said "Good job my daughter but now you must get...Captain America aka Steve Rogers" **I thought he was already at SHIELD. Or, wait, when Evva said he was "custardy", was that _literally _what she meant, and not just a misspelling of "custody"?!**

"But I wanted to get him" wined Colsen, Colsen has a man crush on Captain America Steve Rogers **True. **an its really stupid **Don't listen to her, Coulson! Chase your dreams! **cause obvs Captain America hates his swimpin ways **I'll bet he hates yours.**, anways hes baldish an old an he is a muggle. **And in the eyes of xxMoonlitexx, anyone who's not young and attractive is pointless!**

"Silent Colsen this is a too powerful task for you" Said Nick Furry stermly. **It's too much for Coulson to walk up a couple flights of stairs and take to Steve? Maybe Evva's right, maybe Coulson does need to retire!**

"Wheres Captain America" I demanded**, because that's the exact right tone of voice to be using with your doting father who is entrusting you to an extremely important task! It's not immature or bratty at all!**

I lightly clambered ***adds to oxymoron count* **the stairs until I was upstairs, there was a gym **Hey, am I right in assuming that the gym Steve works out in is canonically at SHIELD? Because I'm not sure if that's true, or if it's an old one he used in 1941, like in the comics.** an there were huge bag things hanging form the roof **Maybe if you'd actually bothered to attend a single lesson of your training, you'd know what a punching bag is, Evva!**, there was a blonde man hitting them until they exploded. He was so mussely an blonde an I reelized...this was Captian America! **Are you sure about that? Because "muscular" and "blonde" aren't two very good descriptions in the world of superheroes. I can think of tons of superheroes who are, or have at one time appeared, blonde. Captain America, Thor, Aquaman, Flash Gordon, Hawkeye. I swear to God, blondness is a dominent gene in the DC and Marvel Universes! **But he looked sad, I knew it was cause he was all derpressed ***snicker* Derp. **because his girl friend got all old. **I mean, I guess that's Cap motivation, if told by an idiot.**

"Nick Furry wants you to join this new team _Avengers_" I said. **If Cap's been here all this time, how come he doesn't know about the Avengers yet? Shouldn't someone from SHIELD have told him? Oh, right, this version of SHIELD has the organization and communication skills of _an actual government agency. _*rimshot***

"Wow ur so stelthy I didnt hear you sneak up on me" Approved Captian America. **Okay, A. I sincerely doubt someone who describes their walking up stairs as "clambering" would be able to sneak past a Super Soldier with enhanced sense. I don't even know why you'd want to, because B. WWII veteran Steve Rogers would probably react to being startled by punching really hard first and apologizing for the broken bones later.**

"Yes but will you join" I damanded him.

"Yes but only, to portect America" He said all patriarchically. **He didn't say anything about a system of society where males dominant! He just talked about the US. Although, considering this appears to be Ultimate Steve Rogers (the one who once said "Surrender?! You think this letter on my head stands for _France_?!") I'd say he probably supports the patriarchy as well. **"Anyways I want to kick some ice giants butt" **Um, the only Jotun Loki's bringing to Earth is Loki, everyone else is a Chitauri. And for that matter, how does Steve know Loki's a Frost Giant?! The only information SHIELD has from Loki is from Thor's friends, and the only info they have is from Thor himself, and he had no idea Loki wasn't his real brother until _after _he got stranded on Asgard!**

When I heard this I was sad cause I saw the first Thor movie ***spittake* **an I thought when I saw it, teh ice giants are just portectin there own own home. **WTF?! How did she watch that movie _in universe_?! The lack of logic here is as astounding as the sudden fourth wall break! *brain explodes* **But I didnt say this to Steve Rogers cause I knew... he would not understand. **Has _Steve _seen the Thor movie too?! Has everyone seen it?! Did they show it in theaters _while the events were literally taking place. _WTF?!**

Instead I must go to Assgard. **So, whenever Flavia in Moon Daughter refers to her sword, which is misspelled in the same way, I fix it to "Ass Guard", which is obviously what she meant. Should I do that here too...? Yes. **But how could I get there. **You can't. The bifrost is broken. Although, this SHIELD has Zeta Tubes, so maybe she can... **Finally I had a idea, I went back to Sheild an talked to Nick Furry. **Why is Thor even on this list? Wouldn't Nick think he was far too busy dodging responsibility as a prince on Asgard to help with petty mortal problems? **"Do you have a thing that could send me to **Ass Guard **Assgard, like a "_device_" **Why is device in quotes and italicized? I'm not even sure what's supposed to be expressed by that. Emphasis? Scepticism? What?!**

"Yes we just made one" ***sputter* *stammer* wHAT?! **He said an he went an got a thing from the most secret sheild valt. It was like a bracelet made all rainbow, it shimbered with power an all the colors **What is this f***ery?! **(exept pink cause sorr if u like it but pink fuking sux an you must retry ur life.) **God, I _wish _I could retry my life. I have so many regrets I'd like to fix!**

"Whats this?" I asked wonderously.

"Its a **once off MacGuffin device **bracelet made from byfrost stones" He entoned. **How did SHIELD get their grubby hands on that?! Wouldn't it be easier to just say it's something related to the Tesseract? **"When you press this button you will telaport to **Ass Guard **Assgard an be among teh gods" **I mean, are they really _gods_? The can screw up and die and get beer bellies, and only the royal family has ever been referred to by the title "God of blanks". I think the whole "god" thing is actually a mistranslation of an Asgardian honorfic and not a literally description.  
**

I pressed the button he spoke of an instantly I was **thrown through the bifrost, but I didn't know how to use it so I fell off and ended up on Sakar where I got melted by the Grandmaster. **in **Ass Guard **Assgard! Well not really cause it was that one place where the guy in gold armer **His name is Heimdall. **stands to make the bridge work. **It's still Asgard. **

"Halt who are thou" He damanded. **Oh God, and I thought the faux Shakespearean dialogue Thor and his supporting cast spout was bad before! It's like, an entire civilization of Artmeises!**

I drew my sleek black hand gun "Im Evva a secret agent, Im here to get Thor" **Great spy skills there, hon. Revealing who you are, escalating hostilities bu drawing your weapon, and wording your response in such a way it makes it sound like you're trying to kidnap royalty.**

"Then I must stoppist thou" He yelled an he puled out a very big gold sword. **Is the Bifrost sword really for fighting? Wouldn't that damage it and make it harder to use? **But before we could dule (note, if we did I would obvs of won cause gun beats sword. **And bullet-proof alien beats gun**) there was a thunder noise an a figurene stepped into teh light, **Why was Thor just randomly brooding in the shadows? **he was all ripped an had long girl hair taht was blond an probably died. *******looks at Thor pre-Ragnarok* *looks at Thor post-Ragnarok* Oh, it's definitely bleached. But, fun fact, in Viking culture many men bleached their hair blonde, as not only were blonds considered more attractive and *snicker* smarter, it also helped kill lice and fleas and stuff. **He also had a red cape, lol it was like he wanted to be Superman. But it was not Superman, **although he did almost beat Supes in a fight once, **it was... Thor!1

* * *

**Poor Thor. Now everybody in the entire world has seen every second of the most embarrassing weekend he's every experienced. If he only knew that in Earth law, it's illegal to tape someone without their consent, he'd win that lawsuit in seconds!**

**Speaking of that movie, coincidence of all coincidences, it's exactly what we're reviewing today!**

**Thor- First off, let me just say, that Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston absolutely _nail _their roles, turning in performances that are not only iconic and believable, but also somehow make me sympathize with two characters who are, quite frankly, at many points massive assholes. Anthony Hopkin's Odin and Idris Elba's Heimdal are also fantastically fun. And thank God for them, because they keep this movie watchable! The plot is cliche'd and mediocre at best and just irritating at worst, especially the stuff on Earth, as we are stuck with three of the most useless, bland side characters in the MCU. Natalie Portman is totally phoning in her performance as Jane Foster, and she and Thor have about as much romantic chemistry as a block of wood and a piece of steak. Darcy is trying _way _to hard to be "quirky comedy sidekick", and while she has the occasional good line, often comes off as just annoying, and Selvig... well, he's barely there. Same goes for Sif and the Warriors Three, who are so underused and underdeveloped I only remember their stock character models and not their names. The design for Asgard and Jotunheim is nice, but nothing particularly interesting for me, and the fights a pretty average. In conclusion, watch if you really like Thor and Loki. **


	5. The Avengers Make a Pinky Swear

**Thank you ****ZebraGirl202, SparklyMagix, The One The Only Marty D, ****Kurt50Alien and Knightwing20042 for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**  
**Aitty At Ait Aat: "I've realized some interesting things. 1) There may be a trollfic with a more "punk" character than Flavia/Evva/Moonlite: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 2) There is actually a word that can describe Flavia/Evva/Moonlite: Ax-crazy. 3) It is one hundred percent possible to understand a trollfic about something you have never read." 1\. Please tell me what it is right now! 2. That's a perfect description! 3. True trollfics ascend all boundaries, so you may hate them regardless of who you are.**

**Ari: "Well looks like being blond can be considered smart, so checkmate." Yes, although, to be fair, Vikings are not considered the sharpest spoons in history. But they still managed to discover the New World, form trading/raiding routes that reached as far as Russia and the Middle East and colonize Ireland and Normandy while being crazy good fighters and (for their time) remarkable hygienic.**

**BTW I saw Spiderman: Far From Home, and I really enjoyed it! Go watch!**

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5...I Am in **Ass Guard **Assgard

It was... Thor! **We... know! This repeat from last chapter is... pointless!** "Himdoll what thou doing" He damanded in a brittish like voice. **That is a surprisingly on the nose description of Hemsworth's attempt at Received Pronunciation. **The guy with the big sword, his name is Himdoll **Heimdall. And he does not deserve such disrespect.**, said "This is Evva a shield agent, she says she wants thou for something from thou" **How did Heimdall's interpretation of what "I'm here for Thor" means go from "I'm here to attack him" to "I want something from him" in the five seconds it took the dude to show up? Maybe he just figured out how useless and harmless she was.**

Thor smirked manfully "What could Nick Furry want me for, dont thou have other super heros on earth for thouselves**, it's not like me and my Empire have sworn to protect the Earth and oh... right.**"

"Yes but they must all join together to fight a great evil, its so great it takes like 6 ppl to fight it" I explaned. **"Or dear ole Dad can just call over his insanely superpowered buddy Captain Marvel, but that movie hasn't been made yet.**

"What is this evil" Said Thor. **He was very concerned about anything that might threaten his pop tart supply.**

"Its your brother Loki, he escaped into earth an now he wants to destroy it" I said cause I didnt know the truth yet! **Sounds like the truth to me. Unless you want to argue semantics over whether or not Loki actually escaped from anything.**

"Loki what the fuk" **So, as weird and wrong it feels to hear Thor swearing, this does seem like the appropriate reaction to finding out your little brother faked his own death and is now trying to conquer your favorite backwater planet. **Said Thor all suprised "Quick thou must speak with Odin"

I followed Thor into a big room all made from gold, **which btw looked ****_super _****tacky** there on a big throne sat...the Odin! He was all old an he looked like Nick Furry exept he was white, and not bald. **Really. Those are the ****_only _****differences you've noticed between the two. I guess since they're old and xxMoonlitexx doesn't think they're hot, her mental image of them boils down to "authority with eyepatch" **But he had 1 eye. Also his eyes **You literally just said he had ONE eye! Keep some continuity, dammit! **glintered with cruelness, I thought "He is like a 'bad guy' pretendin to be a 'good guy.'" **Now, now, I know Odin can look scary, what with the uncanny resemblance to Hannibal Lecter and all, but he's put all his "murderous conquering" in the past! I think.**

"I need Thor to join the avengers" I said to Odin**, utterly ignoring all the proper protocols of approaching royalty**.

Odin nodded "Yes I agree, Thor thou go join the avengers right now" **"But father, you don't even know what that i-" "Quite my son! Your mother and I need you out of the house for our date night!"**

Thor girpped his hammer "_Meolner_" tight **I've got quite a bit of "girping" to do myself".** "I will go to earth an hunt Loki across thou many relms**, terrifying realms, such as Cleveland,** before he can unlesh the power of the tesserax **Wait... how did Thor know about the Tesseract? Evva never said anything about that! *gasp* Guys, I think Thor is actually a Skrull! Look, I can't bear to see my favorite character sodomized like this, and I'll take any excuse I can get. **an then I will kick his adopted ass butt" **Such brotherly love. You can tell this is the same guy who still forgave his adopted sibling to come home even after he attempted genocide. **

Well obvs I would have been offendered an pised off by this cause I was adopted, but I didnt know this...yet. **Okay, so this brings up a very important question: just when and why exactly is Evva narrating this? Like, it's in past tense, and she keeps referring to events that haven't happened yet, so its clearly an active 1st person narration, so what's the framing device here? Who is she telling this long winded stupidity to? She says she's sixteen in chapter 2, so this happened pretty recently in canon time. So why is she recounting everything?! And why in the Brapple and Gumblick do I care?!**

"Yes thou has permision to do this**, it's not like I raised Loki from a baby, and it broke my heart to see him turn out like this, and I'm always telling Thor to curb his violent urges or whatever.**" Said Odin all approve. Instantly we were telaported to right outside of sheild **because f*** space and time, I'm a lazy writer who needs to move the plot along**.

Thor snorked at me sextistly. "Thou are a hot earth maden" **Dammit Skrull-Thor! That's just gross! **

"Well Im 16 so dont get any ideas you nazi" I said **Hey, if Thor's a pervert for hitting on teenaged Evva, doesn't that make Loki a downright pedophile for being in a romantic relationship with her. Oh... ew... *shudders* **(cause Thor was acutely a german god and an Hitler was german) **Thor was a _Scandinavian _god, he wasn't worshipped by the germans, but it just so happened that Nazis and other white supremacist groups have appropriated their image for their agendas. But whatever, point is, Godwin's Law, you loose the argument and all of my respect. But since you've broken Godwin's Law _twice _now, xxMoonlitexx, you have no respect left to loose. **

"Boob" said Thor ***snicker* **except he didnt mean it like that, in his time in meant like a idiot, or maybe a fool. **Of which you are both. Also: I didn't think it was possible for someone to have a worse grasp on Shakespearean English than Jack Kirby and Larry Lieberman. I was wrong.**

Then Nick Furry was there! "Evva is this god herassing you" he yelled silently. **Nick Furry: so cool he can yell at people telepathically! At least, that's what I'm interpreting the botched oxymoron to mean. **To show he was a bad ass even tho he was bald **Bitch, he's a badass _because _he's bald. **he took somethin from his pockets, it was one of those electrickal things you kill cows with to herd them **Well that sounds unproductive.**, he tazed Thor **Wait. You just describe out a tazer like you don't know what the word is... and then you use the verb version! How TF do you not know what a tazer is! YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID SOMEONE GOT TAZED! GOLDFISH HAVE BETTER SHORT TERM MEMORY THAN YOU! GOLDFISH! **an stepped right on his face so it hurt. **Yeesh. Poor Skrull-Thor, I know he's a creep but this is just cruel. I guess Nick's just jealous of his hair. **"Levae my daughter Evva alone" He yelled to the heavins**, despite the fact Thor was _underneath _him. He was kinda blind. **"Bitch" **Oh please. This is Samuel L. Jackson we're talking about here! Obviously he should be saying "MotherF*cker"! Or, if Mr. T., "Fool".**

"Ok ok I was only kiddin thou,** I need to work on my improv for Thor: Ragnarok! **my heart belongs to my gf" Said Thor **So, I found out that, in this sick twisted mirrorverse, both Thor and Loki are, in fact, Asgardian teenagers. So Thor isn't a pervert for calling Evva hot. But Jane totally is! As if I needed another reason to hate that b****! **"Her name is Jane Forster but she is in Mexico." _**New **_**Mexico. But according to xxMoonlitexx, Houstonians use pesos, so maybe she's still using pre Mexican-American War geography. **

"Well enough of this fightin, **I grow bored attacking a teenager for no reason, **there are still 2 avengers left an then we will call it a day**. I suppose we could maybe call up those X-men fellas, see if they want to help, but I'm far too lazy, and it's almost time for Hogan's Heroes!**" Said Nick Furry wisely.

I remembered...Hakeye an Black Window! **Hakeye's already been brainwashed by Loki! And Black Window is way too busy on her own mission with her partner, Fuschia Drapes! **There not real super heros, just muggles. **Please. They're more super than you! **They have no powers **And Lord knows there's _never _been a successful superhero who hasn't had _powers_! *picture of Batman slowly fades onto screen* That's just nonsensical. **but Nick Furry let them on the team anyways. **Evva, at the moment, _you _have no known powers either (save for the power of nepotism). So why are _you_ on this team? **They were in a secret sheild training room underground, so I ran nimberly to them.

Hakeye was shotting apples off Black Widows head. **Must be a slow day if they've resorted to this for entertainment. **He had good aim but not really as good, as mine was. **xxMoonlitexx, please. Hawkeye's aiming skill are like, literally the only thing that makes him not pathetic. Just let him have this one thing. **But he had a more bad ass bow an arrows that exploded, **If this was Moondaughter, of course, he'd be throwing those arrows by hand. **Nick Furry was acutely makin me some. **Evva: *writhing about sobbing* I WANNA BOW LIKE HAWKEYE'S I WANNA BOW LIKE HAWKEYE'S I WANNA BOW LIKE HAWKEYES! Nick: Alright, alright honey, I'll get you a bow! *secretly buys a plastic toy off EBay* SHIELD's top scientists are working on it _right now_. Now get off the floor this instant and let's have dinner like a _normal _motherflerken family. **Black Window was wearing slutty black lether **Bitch, you are literally wearing the exact same thing! Also; she's _supposed _to look kind of sexual, what with her shtick being "dangerous seductress" and all. **an red hair taht she secretly died, she was blond underneath. (It says on hr web site) **Just where in the Sam Hill does it say _that _about Black Widow?! I mean, Scarlett Johansson may be blond, but I think Nat's appearance in Endgame kind of proved that's she's not! **"Evva your too young to be down here, go an play kitchen with your dolls" She said, sarcastickally. **Ok, Black Window, you are my new fave character!**

"Well at least I have powers batch!" I yelled. (Even tho I didnt know I was a mutent yet I still felted a secret power with in me, like a dream) ***cough* bulls***! bulls***!.**

"In war esponge is power" She snided **You tell her, Nat!**, in answer to this I flipped her off. **Aw, cram it ya boob!**

"Hey stop flippin off my girl friend" Said Hakeye. **So, a lot of MCU fans ship Hawkeye and Black Widow, despite their relationship being non-canon, and I always figured it was the same kind of stupidity that leads people to ship, like, Nightwing and Kid Flash, but then I actually read the comics and it turns out that Hawkeye fell in love with Black Widow in his debut, and the two had an honestly pretty adorable romance for a long time. So I guess I ship them now too. **He had a cool outfit but hes too short to be really hot. **Also he's, you know _in a serious relationship_, but that's never stopped xxMoonlitexx from perving before. **Anyways he is Black Windows bf so he always beleves her side. **Whaaat? You mean he believes his trusted partner over a spoiled brat?! What an asshole! **Its not fuking fair. **Name one thing Evva has done that makes her warrant a spot on the Avengers, or even a learner's permit.**

"Why are you here Evva" said Hakeye.

"Nick Furry made me, I didnt want to come down here to see your ugly faces" I quiped. **You've got a long way to go, young lady, if you're ever going to reach MCU standards of quipping. **"Anyways he wants you to join "avengers" igniative. We have Tony Stark, the Incrduble Hulk, Captian Steve Rogers America ***snicker* Wait, is Steve's last name really America?! I mean, it wouldn't surprise me, but- *snortle* **an also Thor but Nick Furry wants more. **It's never enough with him, nooo.**"

"Who are we fighting, is it some russians or terrerists" Asked Hakeye**, before shrinking under the glare of an angry Black Widow. Also: Yes, Hawkeye, we put together a team of the most powerful people in the galaxy... to fight a coupla Commies. *slow clap* Bravo. Brilliant.**

"Its Loki, hes a god from **Ass Guard **Assgard but he came threw a portal yesterday an now he wants to destroy the world an make a ppl his slaves" I explained, because this is **100% true **what Nick Furry told me.

"**Loki? Isn't he the guy who once tied his family jewels to a goat? **We cant fight a god, its too powerful" Said Hakeye. **Um, Loki's preferred pronouns are His Majesty and His Majesty's. I know he's a psychotic conquerer, but you could try to show him just a little respect!**

"Ok fine then you can be a cowerd an not join the avengers, but I know one thing...Im going to join an lead this fight in the very font**! ****Comic sans!**" I yelled with red light shimbering in my eyes. I was so angry, some ice apparated on the walls an they cracked a little, but I didnt see this **Bitch are you blind?! How could you not notice this?! **(Its cause I was really a ice giant an my ice giant powers were manafesting cause my emotions an stuff) **Well. That sounds well thought thought out an logical.**

"Ok ok I never said I wasnt going to join" Said Hakeye, **knowing now that Nick Furry had stuck him with babysitting duty **he agreed to be on the avengers! Also Black Widow, maybe she was thinking she could saduce Loki or something but cleerly he wasnt deceved. **Okay, first of all, Black Widow most definitely deceived Loki, and it was awesome. Second of all, don't think I haven't noticed the hypocrisy of one of xxMoonlitexx's characters insulting someone else for trying to seduce an enemy. **Anyways we went upstairs to where Nick Furry was waitin with all the other avengers.

"Now your all official avengers **despite never actually signing a contract or being told what being an Avenger means other than "fight Loki".**" Nick Furry announced, he porduced a large knife. **Um... Nick... what is that for?... *backs away slowly* **"Now we will all cut our hands but only a little, so there is 1 drop of blood from everybody **You're s***ting me. **an then we will become avengers. **He can't be serious. You're telling me, that, the way to join the avengers... is to take a blood oath?! The Medieval equivalent of a Pinky Swear?! **When you do this you cant take it back, you're an avenger forever an you must fight evil for teh government! **Yeah, like _that's _gonna hold up in court! **Also America. ***America! Fuk Yeah!***"

He gave me the knife first cause I didnt want to go last, cause what if somebody has aides or something ewwww! **...I'll just let this little gem speak for itself. **Nextly al avenl the other avengers cut there hands an as our blood joined we knew we were... _" **Redundanters **avengers" _

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**Oh God this story is stupid! I can barely bring myself to read this tripe!**

**Captain America: The First Avenger- I liked it. It's a period piece, but the shots tend to look kind of washed out, so while its not ugly its not the kind of appealing visuals you expect from a movie in the 40s. I do love the Faire setpiece though, what with all the Golden Age shoutouts. Every member of the cast does great, even the Howling Commandos, who have pretty minor roles and a perfect excuse to phone in their performances. Chris Evans is without a doubt the quintessential Steve Rogers, doing for him was Christopher Reeves did for Superman, he's sympathetic and feels real while still being angelically good, and his sexual tension with Bucky Barnes- I mean Peggy Carter-I mean both, is palpable. Hugo Weavings' Red Skull, while not one of Marvel's more complex villains, is just the right amount of hammy Nazi evil needed for the story. The action pieces, while good, are pretty generic, but well done. The plot itself is simplistic, but gets the job done. The first Captain America movie may not be quite as stellar as it's successors, but it's a fun, enjoyable little movie that got me pumped for the Avengers!**


	6. The Loki School of Being Adopted

**My God, people, it has been far too long since I've updated! This is what happens when you CIT at a camp in the middle of nowhere for a month! But I'm back, I'll keep a schedule, I pinky promise this time!***

**Thank you ****The One The Only Marty, ****Kurt50Alien, **** . , ****and LadyFae123 for reviewing!**

**Guest Review(s):**

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "-The character was every charcter, but umm... I think you got meant what the title is. The title is Thirty Hs. Literally, 30 hs.**

**\- Insert witty comment about chapter because I have no idea what TF to put... Oh! How f*cking dumb do you have to be to not find Loki a pedo when your 16-year old Sue starts dating him? **

**\- Please tell me you're sporking the song." **** 1\. So, I looked up "Thirty Hs" but my search proved fruitless. Maybe it got taken down? 2. Really. F***ing dumb. 3. I'm not sure how...**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****It's just as well she didn't involve Captain Marvel. As a blonde, she would obviously be a slutty prep. Besides, Evva/Flavia hates all other female characters (with the exception of one designated BFF.)"**** Honestly, I think I'd prefer xxMoonlitexx's version. "Slutty prep" may be the worst personality you could give a character, but it _is _a personality.**

*Pinky Promise not guaranteed

* * *

6...Loki Attacks! **Took him long enough. What was he doing all this time while Evva was assembling the Avengers? Picking his ass? Binge watching all those ridiculous MCU miniseries that are going to be hellish to find time to get through and a waste of money?**

Suddenly Loki busted into the room threw a portal! **Wait, how'd he know where to go to find the avengers? Is the Tesseract also an omnipotent GPS? **He was tale an pale with long dark hair like his dark sole, flying around his goddish face. **A rather fancy way to say "He looks like Tommy Wiseau's emaciated little brother". **He was wearin armer made of lether with green an gold an black, and a horny ***snicker* **helmet circed his fourhead. His eyes were green emerelds **Okay, why TF is she going into so much purple prose about Loki when even Evva herself hasn't gotten a whole paragraph of descriptions?! **that flashed with power **and crazy **an he pointed his magickal spear right at us! "Surrender thou world!" He yelled, I should of hated him but instead I felted a strange flittering in the deeps of my heart, why did my heart answer teh sound of his voice! **Because British accents are so awesome that they are capable of literally mind controlling the weak willed.**

"No, go away mother fuker" Said Nick Furry**, finally confirming that he was indeed Samuel L. Jackson**.

Loki smiled all evil but kind of hot too, **Yeah, I always melt when boys give me that "I haven't slept for a week and I'm just a bit of face paint away from replacing Jared Leto as The Joker" grin, don't you? **he poked Hakeyes heart an instantly Hakeyes eyes turned all blue, we gaseped in horrer at the site. **"Hawkeye can't have blue eyes! They clash with his shirt, now he'll have to change his entire outfit! Loki you monster!" **"Now I can control thou" **Captain Obvious **Loki explaned. "Hakeye shoot all these other avengers" **"Brainwashed badass normal, go destroy this team of demigods and super soldiers with your superpower of aiming decent! Hahaha, my plan is brilliant!"**

"Ok" Said Hakeye, he garbbed a big gun an pointed it right at us! **Y'know, in the time it took for Loki to brainwash Hawkeye by poking, tell everyone Hawkeye was brainwash, give Hawkeye orders and for Hawkeye himself to find and load a BFG, Hulk could've smashed the Puny God ten times over.**

"Wtf Hakeye" Yelled Black Window. "I thought you loved me, we kissed an everything omg" She started to cry. **Um, Natasha, I know that you're really good at the Wounded Gazelle Gambit, and that usually it works, but I just don't think Clint can be reasoned with right now...**

"I never loved you" Gorled Hakeye like a robot. **God, don't you hate it when your robots just gorl hurtful things at you? **He perpared to shot us! **Good f****ing God, you people have the slowest reaction times I've ever seen! **Then...he shot us! **It was only 1 elipses, but it felt like 1 thousand years! ****This isn't suspense, this is a level of inertia that makes the Zootopia DMV employees look like goddamn Flashes! Also: Hawkeye is the only one of xxMoonlitexx's characters to know how to properly use a gun. Even though his whole thing is supposed to be bows and arrows! **But Nick Furry had a bullit vest, Iorn Man had his mecka sute, Bruce Baner turned into teh Hulk, Thor blocked the bullits with his hammer an Captian America blocked the bullits with his sheild. **Thank you, for once in this goddamn story logic has prevailed and demonstrated why brainwashing Hawkeye is a loser plan. **Black Widow was goin to die **What, her suit isn't bullet proof too? It has to have some purpose other than fanservice! **but I bravly kicked the bullit away an it hit into a wall. **... The f*** kind of Matrix s*** was that?! People, that is not something any non-speedster can do! At _best_, Evva, a being with Frost Giantess powers unbeknowst to herself, would have been able to block the bullet, but it wouldn't have "bounced off and hit the wall", but imbed itself in her skin, leaving the little emo writhing on the ground screaming "Ah! Ah, it hurts!" like a bitch, in front of everyone. Or, if it hit a part of her that was covered in bullet-proof material, leave her painfully bruised because bullet-proof vests only absorb some of the force from the object! And know you know. And knowing is half the battle. *GI JOE* **The bullits turned into ice when they tried to go by me so I was ok, **since ice is as soft as marshmellows and perfectly incapable of hurting anyone, as we all know.**

"What is this sorsery" Said Loki. **Loki, you are one dumb s***. But for not failing your spot check, and actually _noticing Evva's goddamn powers, _you are approximately 1/10th the dumb s*** everyone else is. So you're still mentally disable by normal human standards.**

"Its called: **being a Sue** kicking ass" I explaned, **cliched-ly **ceverly.

"Thou are a ice giant" Said Loki with wonderment. **Really, Loki? That's the first guess you have? That this tiny, non-blue human is a Frost Giant?! Did Thanos forget to brief you on mutants?!**

"No it cant be cause my dad is Nick Furry an he is a human" I yelled, my feelins were swelling in frozen fractions. **Did... she just quote Frozen?... **

"Thou mom?" Said Loki.

"No ur mom" I snided. **Ha. That was so lame it was actually funny.**

"Thou are clever-tonged **NO SHE'S NOT! **but this is not what I meant, I mean who was thou mother, she must of been a ice giant" Explaned Loki.

"Her mom was a normal muggle" Lied Nick Furry **How did Evva never question having a black man for a (supposedly) biological father while being the paper pale xxMoonlitexx protagonist she is?! I mean, I know mixed race couples can produce kids with lighter skin, but its pretty damn rare to have a difference that drastic! **"I should know, cause Im teh one who had sex with her" **Jeez, Nick, TMI!**

"Ok well what is her name" Snipped Loki.

Nick Furry got all worryful an anxous "Um it was porbably Karin **Are you seriously telling me _super spy Nick Fury _never prepared a cover story in case someone asked about his daughter, or that Evva was never curious about who her mother was?! BULL. S***.**, you know what, fuk you Loki is none of ur am busness!" **And _that _is the proper response to a supervillain asking questions about your family, and the first one you should have given!**

"You kidnaped me" I screemed in his bald face. **Evva is clearly a graduate from the Loki School of Finding Out You're Adopted. Its core curriculum includes Uncomfortable Confrontations, Tantrum Throwing and Being an Ungrateful Little S***, **

"No I saved ur ass from teh streets" Nick Furry had tears runnin down his face **Look at that, Evva, you've made your father cry! You awful, awful daughter!**"You were abbadoned, I adopted you, your real name is "Saga" an also I found this on your neck" He held soemthin out to me, it was teh amulet from the first chapter! ***sigh* At this point, the Fourth Wall has been turned into a pile of Snappening-ed ash from all the stupid meta references.**

"This is a rune of power" Said Loki "Thou are a powerful mutent, also a ice giant" **Ok, so the Nordic Rune for power is Turs, aka Thor's Rune, aka the phonetic sound TH. SO HOW TF DID LOKI GET ALL THAT INFO FROM A GODDAMN TH?! THAT'S LIKE ME SEEING A MEDALLION WITH THE LETTERS "ING" ON IT AND DEDUCING THE WEARER IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT?! WTF?!**

"Lier, you broke ur promise an bertrayed me" I said to Nick Furry! **What promise? When did Nick promise anything to his little brat, other than a bow like Hawkeyes?!**

"Thou are a ice giant?! I hatest ice giants?!" Yelled Thor, he swung his hammer angerly! **I love the question mark at the end of that quote, like, even Thor knew that this behavior was OOC and was like "What the heck am I saying?!"**

"Your a spy!" Yelled Captian America "You bertrayed ur country" **As if I needed any more proof this dude is Ultimate Cap...**

"No its a lie, a fukin lie" I explaned, calmly, **I always cuss like a drunk sailor while calm, don't you? ** but the avengers hatred me now. (Thats so raicest rite.) **No, that's so OOC! Even the Ultimate Avengers accepted mutants onto there teams, and those guys were the biggest assholes in comic history!**

Black Widow pointed her minnie gun at me **When Black Widow was a little girl in the Red Room, they gave her a Minnie Mouse Gun to practice with, and she's kept it all this time out of sentimental value. At least, that's what I'm assuming xxMoonlitexx meant. **"Perpare to die mutent scum"

"Yes but ice giants are kind of hot still" Said Tony Stark, with a pervish gleer. **Dammit Tony! F***ing priorities man!**

But before they could attack me, Loki garbbed my hand an we telaportaled away! **Um. Loki wouldn't do that. Loki would wait until all the Avengers attacked Evva, then he'd sneak off. Maybe he'd also film them attacking a 16 year old or whatever and share it with the world to discredit them as well. Because Loki isn't the misunderstood little badboy puppy dog all the fangirls think he is. He's a manipulative, heartless unpredictable sociopath who will stab you in the back just because.**

**In other words, the perfect mate for an xxMoonlitexx protagonist.**

* * *

**So, has Clint just been standing their brainwashed the whole time?...**

**Avengers: Avengers, Assemble! Finally, the film Phase 1 had been leading up to, and was it worth the hype? Heck yeah! I love this movie, it's fun, its witty, its everything you could possibly want out of a crossover. Joss Whedon is a great director who really managed to pull through on a tall order of a film, everyone gets their time to shine and quip. Except Hawkeye. Poor, unloved Hawkeye. The action is also great, with tons of unforgettable moments and a good balance of tension and drama. And, of course, villain is excellent, probably the best one in Phase 1. Although is does irritate me that Loki goes from "sympathetic man pushed to madness who just wants to be loved" to "card carrying villain with a plan to take over the world" between Thor and this film. Makes no sense.**


	7. Evva Embraces Evil (Finally!)

**Thanks to ****Kurt50Alien for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:  
Yicti: "Here's a link to the TVTropes page for HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH: /Fanfic/ThirtyHs**

**It is written by someone who is good enough a writer to know how to do everything wrong.**

**He also might have been one of the minds behind "Don't hug me, I'm scared", but those are just rumors" Thanks for the tip. I have now officially read HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It is glorious! I can totally see that person writing DHMIS, which is also wonderfully subversive. **

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "1\. No, you literally type out a ton of Hs.**

**2\. No paragraph long Evva description? I can fix that. I had lngblack hiar cut intoo a short boob, an shimmerin bloo eytes. I was skny but I had rly big bobs. I ha read lips taht wre all naturaal, and a way wearin a lttle makeup but naht to muxh becuz I wasnt a slut or gay. I was wearin a brown trench cot an under ir i waz warin my bra an a mijniskirt thaht showd off mah big butte. an I also gad black lace nee socks an black combat boots. AN a shield ID.**

**Feel free to spork that description as if it were part of the book. Also, I scared myself. I could be writing a trollfic, and I would be good at it." 1. Maybe I should just name my next story that. Would be easier than actually thinking up a title. God I hate thinking up titles. 2. Ok, so, after rereading the story I have determined that A) There actually is a paragraph description of Evva, in chapter 2, and B) It is sadly near identical to what you've writen up. Also C), you should totally write a trollfic.**

**Ixtab: "1.) Thirty Hs (aka HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). Oooh. One of my favorite fanfics. Genius. But crazy. But still genius. Harry is amazing. **

**2.) This is... this is not how normal goths (or any normal people, for that matter) act. (to all of xxmoonlitexx's characters: YOU ARE A SHAME ON THE GOTH/EMO/PUNK/ETC. COMMUNITY! SHAME ON YOU!) Well, at least the ones I've met. Who are all very nice, very normal, and... don't really hate on people. Not even preps. Or pink (did you know many people consider hot pink a punk color?).**

**3.) The Loki School of Being Adopted? Oh, yeah, Evva totally went there. And most likely graduated with flying colors, based on her... um, real-life example in this chapter... **

**4.) I have a theory! This entire story is Evva's exam from The Loki School of Being Adopted, but while she's on some heavy-duty drugs. And then gets sidetracked and takes a drug-induced journey wandering around random places and doing weird things.**

**5.) Actually, I think xxmoonlitexx forgot that Clint was there. I mean, she doesn't really like him, and since he's not a possible love interest of Evva, there's not really a point to him, right? But yes, standing there brainwashed. Forgotten and alone. But, hey, when Loki "garbbed" Evva's hand and "telaportaled" to presumably his evil lair, did he take Clint with him? Or did he just leave him hanging around with the Avengers and Nick Furry?" 1\. Thirty Hs is probably the most bats*** metal thing I've ever read, but I love bat*** metal! 2. There's no such thing as Fake Geek Girls, but there definitely are fake Goths, and xxMoonlitexx is one of them. You can't put people in boxes like that! 3. Hey, here's a challenge for readers who have nothing to do. Try to find LSoBA alumni in various pieces of media. 4. So, it's like in Young Justice "Failsafe", she's in a test but doesn't realize its a test? Since Loki himself is such a big part of her delusions, does that mean Evva's Hot for Teacher? Oh, gross... 5. To be fair, I often forget Clint is there as well.**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****Even Nick Fury cries at the drop of a hat in the xxMoonlitexx-verse." Nick is a sensitive guy, I think the movies have made it abundantly clear how in touch he is with his emotions! *shows montage of deadpan***

* * *

7 ...I Exept My True & Inner Form **Except: ****specify as not included in a category or group; exclude. So, what xxMoonlitexx means hear is, this chapter will be filled with Evva, but _not _her true and inner form.**

We were misted away to the bowls of Lokis secrative head quarters. **Little known fact: Loki is something of a ****connoisseur of kitsch, and his favorite thing to collect and show off are decorative bowls. **It was a dark sower in the hidden cordors of nyc city **so, does this take place in a world where, like NYC has taken over the world and renamed it in its image, and so the OG NYC has to rename itself to avoid confusion?**, from here he made schemes of mischefity. **"Mwahaha! I shall steal _every left shoe _in the entire city! It will cripple America! I'm _so evil._" **It was all black stone with some gold an silver symbles on the walls, also a very large throne in the middle with green velvet an golden gold. **When did Loki have time to build this?! **But I did not see this yet, cause I was angry about the avengers bertrayin me and also a little angry at Loki cause he telaporteled me. **This may seem like just another example of bad writing, but she means that literally. Evva's pea sized brain can only focus on one thing at a time, so her eyeballs literally aren't going to work until she switches to visual mode.**

"Wtf" I scremed, ice formulated on teh walls an glintered green like a brokened bottle. **Since when is ice green?**

"Now thou see the world is dark an crule to ice giants an also mutents" Said Loki.

"But why am I a ice giant" I said, I just wanted to be like other ppl, would I never fit in like every one else. **_Aww. Poor baby. You see what I have here? It's the World's Smallest Violin, and it's playing just for you!_**

"Just cause thou haste powers the world will always reject thou**, just like it rejected Tony Stark and Steve Rogers and... oh wait...**" Sneered Loki "There are sheep that must be subjected" **Ahh, _there's _the meglomaniacal bastard I know and love!**

I reelized then I was in Lokis lare** You see? Only one thought at a time. ** "Your evil an you want to take over the planet" I yelled. "Also you kidnaped me" **Took you long enough!**

"Is this lies Nick Furry feed thou" Loki laughed trickly **Never trust a man who's dialogue adjective is "trickly". **"Yes its true I want to take over the plant but only to make ppl like thou free"

I thought about this an I reelized...maybe its true, maybe Loki wanted a free world for ice giants an mutents like me. **Or maybe the God of Slimey Liars is... *gasp* a slimey liar! **"Wait so this is why you want the teserax?" It was like my world shuttered like a broken glass window or ice. **How can a window break twice...?**

"Thou see this world is fuked up, I want to use my power to make it less fuked up" **Wow. That's some Grade A discourse there. ** Loki entoned. "Nick Furry is kind of bad ass but he is blinded by teh goverment, the avengers dont want to make the world free, there just listenin to Thor who wants Odin to rule to world an stop me from bein a god like Odin promised" **As if we needed any more proof Loki is delusional, I think this sentence says it all. What nonsense. No one listens to Thor!**

I thought how Nick Furry broke his promise to me, an Odin broke his promise to Loki **What promise? You mean the promise to strip Loki of his godhood?! Why would you want him to keep that?! Or is it that Odin promised Loki godhood in the first place, in which case, promise kept, you're a god dumbass! **an Nick Furry an Odin were so much like each other **Yeah! They both... have eyepatches. **, I felt a bonding to Loki in my sole.

"Anyways Sheild is secretely evil nazis" **LOKI! DUDE! SPOILERS! **Said Loki. Well cleerly I was not a nazi **That's... up for debate. **so I could no longer be in sheild (this is true, I saw Captian America 2 spoiler warnin) **The spoiler warning goes before the spoiler, dumbass!**

"Teh world hates us cause were Diffrent" **I, personally, prefer to describe you two as "Special". Also:** y**es, if only there was a place where Ice Giants belonged. A, planet, per say, where they could live. Maybe called Jotunheim? **Said Loki **redundantly **hotly "now, its time to even the players" **While I can totally see an Asgardian butchering Earth phrases like that, it still annoys the heck out of. It's _even the playing field_, you dullard! _Playing field._ **But Loki stopped lookin happy "Ebba why are thou lookin like a muggled human" **I don't know! Why are _thou _looking like a muggled human, you judgemental asshole?!**

"Wait but, isnt this how I look normally" I explaned.

"No...thou are not" Said Loki, he did some magic an showed me a mirrer from his pockey, in it I could see a beatiful girl with pale blue skin glowin like a cold candle, with black tatoos windin along her limes. **I wasn't aware limes were part of ice giant biology**Her hair was lusterly black an flowed from her head like a dark serup. **So, liquid hair is gross, but this is making me really hungry for pancakes! **Also her eyes were a brillent red, she looked ferce but, free.

"Who is this girl **I see, staring straight. Back at me. Why is my reflection someone I don't know?...**" I yelled, then I knew... it was my relecticon! **Evva: so dumb she doesn't recognize herself with cosplay makeup. **I was so beatiful I cried. But then I rememberd "Loki I cant walk around nyc lookin like this, maybe San fransisco" (lol see what I said there)

"Dont hide thou true form **like I do**, its more beatiful then the stupid people like sheep, I call them a word I made up "sheeple" **Loki did not make up this word. The 40s did. **Exolaned Loki sympathizely.

"But why" I said. **BECAUSE HECATE!**

"Well theres somethin I must tell thou...I have never seen a ice giant as beatiful as thou**. Except for myself, of course.**" I eyes shown truthly, I knew he wasnt lyin. **Again, GOD OF LIES RIGHT HERE! **Instantly I knew he also spoke truthly about mutents an ice giants, so I made a fateful chose.

"Lets go 'avenger' these '_avengers_" I snerked. **So, assuming this botched attempt at a one liner is supposed to be "_avenging _the avengers". Why do they need avenging? **Tehn, we laughed ***stock thunder clap* **an I knew now I found my riteful place in this world. **And that place is being evil! I gotta say, I don't think this is what Disney means when they say "follow your heart".** Then I sang a song from my heart an if you go to my profile an look at my storys you will see taht its on there. **Okay, before you ask, yes, the song _is _a badly redone "Let it Go", and no, I will _not _be sporking it, as I feel it speaks for itself. I suggest you read it for yourself, with a cringeworthy cover of Frozen playing in the background.**

As I sang this, I armer which **I pulled straight out of my ass seriously where's she get this?-**was really very bad ass. **Keep telling yourself that. **It was made of dark blue lether with silver runes on it. I got a staff just like Lokis exept it glowed silver, **and it didn't have a mindstone in it, so it was useless. **now...we were ready for to attack.

* * *

**I'm just imagining this attack. First they tiptoe over to the Avengers. Loki signals to Evva, she nods, and then he runs out of the bushes screaming "Attack!", waving his spear like a madman. Of course, the Hulk immediately grabs him and smashes him, at which point Evva tosses her gun uselessly at him (Hulk, not Loki) and barrels forwards as well. At which point she is smashed.**

**Also: I've noticed a strange uptick in stories featuring Quill/Lang pairings. Is this... a thing?... I feel like I should be concerned...**

**Iron Man 3- Yeah, I'ma be frank here, I wasn't a fan of this one. It's not a bad film, it just doesn't do it for me. I find the plot to be so complex and meandering and fast moving that its rather hard to follow, and most of the action scenes are simultaneously overblown and yet boring. Probably has something to do with them going on for too long. And no, I don't give a damn about the new suits, they all look the same to me, they have almost no build up or development before they fly in at the end, and are quite clearly just an attempt to sell toys. And they're not the only piece of pathetic pandering in this movie, because there's also _Harley. _Good Lord, I hate this brat, this child sidekick 50 years too late. Now, I know some people like this character and are problems saying things like "but Sage, Harley is a _subversion _of this trope, and the writers quite clearly lampshade that-" let me stop you right there, no he's not, and just because you acknowledge something's cliche doesn't make it any less of a cliche. Harley is an absolutely useless character that does nothing necessary to the plot and takes away time that could be spent developing some character, or fleshing out some worldbuilding, or filling in some plotholes. He, that Maya women, and all those silly Lava People can all take a long walk off a short pier. And speaking of the villains, that whole Manderine twist... hoo boy did people flip over that! Honestly? I think, if done right it could be really interesting. Like, a shadowy organization, using people's natural fear of things foreign and unknown to drum up agitation and distract people from what's really going on at home... say, doesn't that sound an awful lot like Winter Soldier?! Why not make Hydra the twist shadowy organization here, it would make sense from a narrative standpoint, set up Captain America 2, and really tie the Cinematic Universe you're making together! Plus, the geeks would go apes***! Win win win! Unfortunately, hindsight is twenty twenty, and instead they gave us... sigh. Aldritch Killian. Another bland, two dimension evil businessman with ties to Tony's sordid past. Yippee. This isn't to say the whole movie is terrible, as usual, RDJ's Tony is amazing, and I really wish we'd had time to get more in depth into his PTSD. The rest of the reoccuring supporting cast is also great, and the jokes usually get a chuckle out of me. Plus, as much as I've complained about the action, the scene where Tony storms the Mandarine's proverbial castle with nothing much makeshift grenades and his own badassery is amazing! In conclusion, this movie has more or less been quarantined by the rest of the MCU, and with good reason. It's not an unwatchable solo film, but absolutely nothing in it is a good long term decision, least of all that idiotic "Tony gives up superheroing" ending.**


	8. PREPARE TO BE PASTEURIZED!

**OK, before we start, can I just say that if Sony and Disney seriously hav their heads so far up their own asses their going to take Spiderman out of the MCU _now_, they're crazier and dumber than I seriously ever thought? Ok.**

**Welp, we didn't get any member reviews this time around (:(), but we did get three guest reviews! Yay!**

**Ixtab: "****1.) So, you see. *takes out chalkboard, pointer, and writes something on the board, then points to it* Evva/Sage/whatever we're called the Mary Sue of EAoS is an OC *jabs pointer at something else* created by xxmoonlitexx. Therefore, she is a stupid slut, therefore, she has not looked past Loki's apparent hotness to see his true colors.**

**2.) But really, did you ever expect Evva to understand anything? Ever? Exactly.**

**3.) Finally, what we've all been waiting for! One of xxmoonlitexx's characters JOINING THE BAD GUYS! OPENLY! THE CANON BADDIES! It's almost as good (but not as sad) as Flavia destroying the world. Like, really, what was xxmoonlitexx THINKING? That is NOT how you make an enjoyable character!**

**4.) Wait... what? Quill/Lang? How-? what-? why-? *incoherent blubbering* Did fans just go "well, now that new-Gamora doesn't like Quill, what do we do? We need EVERYONE to be paired with someone... Huh, maybe make it slash, 'cause that's cool, I guess. Oh! I know! The other really dumb character in the MCU! Scott Lang! Great idea!" Wait, isn't he with Hope? Dear God, now I'm confused."**** 1\. Admittedly, a good 75% of Tumblr has also been swayed by him, so I suppose we can't blame Evva for that. We can blame her for everything else. 2. Fair nuff. 3. Oh my God, when I get to Moondaughter 2... and yes, it makes me very happy Evva's not even pretending she's not a sociopath. Makes reading this much less painful. 4. Looking back, I realize that it's really only a single individual author responsible for most of those fanfics. Doesn't make it any less weird of a pairing.**

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "What Evva thinks she's like:**

**Evva:*kills evil bullying person* *still has time for romance***

**What Evva is really like:**

**Evva: WAH! THEY WERE BULLYING ME! *didn't actually get bullied***

**Nick: *beats them up***

**Evva: *sees hurt person* *slaps them* Slap, slap, slap, slap! I'm so awesome and badass!**

**Nick: *on phone* I have a sixteen year-old with hallucination issues. I think I need to get her to a hospital before she dies by accident.**

**Evva: *now in an empty room* Whoah, where am I? *randomly starts singing*" If you had any doubt to Flavia's insanity before, her duet with Loki should confirm your suspicions!**

**a doggo: "****I didn't read it, I am a dog, and I just want to say, Woof Woof!" Um, well, I wrote it, I am a person who likes feedback although I appreciate the extra review, and Meow I guess?**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****So Evva shouldn't hide her blue form, but it's okay for Loki? It's like that scene in X-Men where Magneto tells Mystique to own her mutant form by strolling around naked, but suspiciously doesn't tell, say, Hank to do the same. Maybe Loki's just into blue skin." Don't be silly. Everyone knows Loki's thing is horses and MPreg. (Seriously, Norse Mythology is _messed up_.)**

* * *

8...The Avengers Fight Eachother **Civil War already? But you haven't even finished the first Avengers movie!**

Loki explaned our plan, he said "We must get the avengers to be mad at each other so they will fight themselfs" This was a clever plan cause Loki was clever. **And this was a stupid observation because Evva is stupid.**

"Right now there all in a hellcarier, its like a plane but like a city" **Is this gonna be a thing from now on? "Like a blank but blank?" God, I hope not. **I explaned to Loki. This was a secret actuely but Nick Furry told me not to tell, but sense he bertrayed me I felted no ramorse. **Eyup, she's definitely the villain.**

"Ok so the teserax is on the hellcarier too" Said Loki brillently **I think you mean 'psychically'! How did he know where the Tesseract was if seconds ago you had to explain a Helicarrier to him?! **"this means...we must go on the hellcarier" **Thank you, Captain Obvious. **We melded our minds **Apparently Frost Giants are just big blue Vulcans, and capable of mind melding! **an telaportaled to a big room.

"Omg where are we" I yelled **like an idiot**.

"We are on...teh helcarier!" **Well, _now _it's a "hell" carrier, _you're _on it.** Loki explaned. But just then Burce Banner was there! **Dundundun! **

"Thou are under my controls now" said Loki an he quickly poked Bruce Banner with his staff rite in the heart **Ok, is it just me, or does anyone else imagine Loki going " Boop!" every time he pokes someone.**, his eyes went ll blue an reposessed. Then we hid wisely. ***cue Evva and Loki tiptoeing behind a corner giggling like idiots and then poking their heads out again. **Then the other avengers went into the room.

"Burce Banner why are your eyes blue an reposessed" Said Captian America. "No Im ok" said Bruce Banner. ***when you roll a one on your deception check*** "ok then" said Captain America. ***but it's okay because the other guy rolled a one too!***

"Im teh greatest avenger" Snerked Bruce Banner suddenly, it was cause Loki but, the avengers didnt know this.** Oh, and what, you think starting a minor pissing contest will turn this group of egos against each othe-yeah, yeah it will. **

"Well if you think rhis...I think you left ur bran in teh oven" Said Tony Stark/Iron man all sarcstickly. **Bah. 2/10. Tony I expect better from you. **

"Shut thy moth" Screemed Thor **Thor, you leave Tony's pet moth out of this! **cause he was a dum ass **Yeah, but, I mean, come on, everyone in this story is. **an he though Tony Stork was yellin this at him. **But that does take the Stupid Cake.** "I WILL PASTURIZE THOU" **Lol wat? **he yelled wavin his hammer agressevely.

"oh my fukin america **"Oh my fucking America"? Steve, I don't think that's the proper way to tone down your swearing. **stop fightin, its like ur a bunch of pree school kids" **Or being written by one. **Said Captain America, his face was all frowned from angry. **No Steve. Don't frown from angry, smile from happy! **

"ok but your an old freezer pop" Said Tony Stak **Hmf. 5/10 for striking a nerve, but work on your wording. **, cause before the Avengers he was acutely froze in ice_ **just in case you forgot. **_, he prest a button an his armer turned on.

"wait is this a fight" Said Hakeye, **who was still brainwashed by Loki seriously how did xxMoonlitexx forget this?!**.

"We just have a '_agreement" _Said Tony Stark **"We agree that we want to punch each other's face in." **exept now he was Iron man.

Thor yelled his war cry "Assgarddddddddddd" an he swirled his hammer with a powerful force of wind. It slammed on Captian Americas sheld an broke it in like 6 pices **BULLSHIT **(note, _yes_ it can brake I saw it brake in the avengers 2 traler. so its not unbrakable) **Ok, 1. Never trust an MCU trailer. It is their job to mislead you. 2. Thor's hammer hit it in the movie and it didn't break, so why would it break in your version?!, and 3. Now you've made your universe 30% less cool.**

Black Window pulled pulled out a wuss lookin tiny gun but Thor kicked it form her hands **Thor doing a high kick is such a funny image, isn't it? Never took him for the acrobatic type. **"Thou will not dafeat a god of lighting with a muggle weponry**, like guns or tasers or... oh...**!**"**

But tehn Tont Stark shot a propeller blast from his hand things, Thor fell backwerds right into a big glass cage they wanted to put Loki in! **He must have been standing, like, right in front of the entrance to stumble back like that! Also, wait; was Banner already inside?! Yeah, I remember, they "put him in a glass box so he couldn't go Hulk on [their] assess" So why was Bruce wandering around for Loki to boop?**

"Thor you come out of there" Ordrerd Captain America stermly.

"if thou are a big man...thou mak'ste me" Yelled Thor with challenge. ***sigh* They really are preschoolers.**

Suddenly all the avengers ran into the cage to get Thor, so I jumped out an locked it! **Oh my God this is some Loony Tunes s*** right here!**

"Thou are all my prisoners" Said Loki trumpently.

* * *

**In their 56 years of publishing, the Avengers have had some stupid moments. There was when Cap thought it was a good idea to march his team of Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye and Quicksilver directly into a hostile Southeast Asian country because of a distress call even he admitted was probably a trap. There was the time the Hulk joined the circus. There was Avengers #200. Just, _all _of Avengers #200. But this, this is the stupidest of all! The only explanation I can think up is that Evva and Loki filled the room with pure, undistilled, gaseous alcohol. **

**And speaking of stupid!**

**Thor: Dark World- If I had to state the biggest problem in this movie, I'd say tonal dissonance. There are certainly other problems, but this is the worst one. On the one hand, you have this Dark Elves plot which is taking itself quite seriously, with somber acting and dark dingy scenery and even character death. And then you have cringey jokes and _way _too much focus on the Earth characters, and hell, the plucky sidekicks gets her own damn plucky sidekick! It's distracting and left me utterly uninvested in the plot. This is not helped by _some _people (*cough Portman cough cough*) phoning in their performance. I'm not referring to Hiddleston or Hemsworth, of course, they're great as always. In fact, Thor and Loki's brotherly interactions as they form and enact their (admittedly stupid) plan together are one of the only parts of the movie I really enjoy. Also it strikes me hilarious that Loki's character arc is basically Spiderman's origin story. Speaking of which, while I didn't mind the plot twist of Loki usurping and replacing Odin, but I wish they had saved that for the Stinger. It would've worked much better there. I suppose I should talk about the other side characters and the main villain, but their so forgettable and one dimension I don't think they deserve more than a sarcastic sentence. Everything is much grayer and uglier this time around, especially the final fight inside a red Reality Stone (sorry "Aether") cloud that, now that I look back, was obviously foreshadowing for Game of Thrones S8. In conclusion, this film is something of a bust, it had some potential but it needs to get it's tone down and focus on the proper things. And hey, what do you, a New Zealander named Taika Watiti looked to himself and said the exact same thing!**


	9. What does the Hulk say? Hrghrghrghrghr

**Thank you ****Dragonstar19, AngelMikanStar and Kurt50Alien for following, favoriting and reviewing.**

**Guest reviews:**  
**Aitty At Ait Aat: "- I'm kinda to blame for the random review. ...why did I show this fic to him...  
**

**\- My personal favorite was this thing I saw in a fanfic where they spent three days arguing over their favorite chip flavour. No, I'm not joking.**

**\- I'm sorry, I thought the Avengers had at least a little brainpower. You(Flevvlite(Because we needed a new name)) have just proved me wrong." 1\. Who is this doggo?! 2. Please show me to this fanfic. 3. I've always known that. Flavia just confirmed it.  
**

**ZebraGirl202: "You r Literally so funny." Thank you!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****I take it back, Evva is definitely as dumb as Flavia. She's just dumb in a blander way." You see, Flavia is Jerk Sue, but Evva is a Relationship Sue. They're both bad, it's just they're two different types of poorly written wish fulfillment.**

* * *

9...I Reelize my Mutent Power **For the last time, Evva, being a Sue is not a superpower!**

"Stop it rite now you moth fukers **Gross. Even furries wouldn't do that!**" Said a voice beind from us, it was...Nick Furry! Also Colsen was standin behind him ***canned sitcom guest star applause* **cause he was a cowerd **Coulson: Look, the last time I went up against this guy I went to Tahiti! Which is nowhere near as fun as it sounds! Don't judge me, dammit! **but they both were holdin very big electro guns an they were pointed rite at me an Loki!

"Loki get your godly ass back to Assgard" Nick Furry punned. **I would make the "Assgard/ Ass Guard" reference, but this time to story did it for me!**

"Thou make me" Said Loki with **all the **cleverness **of a 7 year old**.

"Plz get us out of here or we might suffecate to death even" Yelled Hakeye, he punched teh glass cage with an arrow but the arrow broke in his face. **Clint, you've just given a whole new meaning to the word "Bird Brain".**

"Move thou ass an let teh god try" Yelled Thor, he spirled his hammer on a mightly circle an slammered it into the cage but it did not brake! **"Welp, it didn't break, guess its hopeless" "But, the glass clearly broke after being hit a couple more times in the Avengers mov-" "NO IT DIDN'T BREAK MOVING ON.**

"Nick Furry let us out rite now" Yelled Captian Amercia.

"Colsen where are the controls to open this cage" Said Nick Furry. **You seriously don't know your way around your own damn Helicarrier?! Dude, for God's sake, it's a big red button labelled release! I guess it's on his blind side. **

Colsen pointed to a control button on teh wall, he ran towerds it but I ran faster an froze the control button all full of ice so it would not work. **Wouldn't jamming the control like that actually cause it to automatically release? Ice expands, after all.** Colsen prested it an instantly his hand froze up an turned blue just like in Frozen lol. **WTF is with all the Frozen references, xxMoonlitexx, I thought you said you hated "****the cartoons with stupid prep-fuled princesses". **He could not move or speak an nether could his electro gun. **It was just his hand! What, can people in the xxMoonlitexx-verse not speak without moving their hands?!**

"Evva why are you helpin Loki" Damanded Nick Furry.

"There is no Evva **only ZUUL**...I am, Saga!" I yelled.

"Well ok Saga, dont you know Loki is evil an he wants to rune the world!" **Duh. Why do you think she's joining him? **Said Nick Furry. "Anyways why dont u like your name, Evva is a very nice name an I made it up just for you"

"I am helpin Loki cause...I LOEV him **Also Evva is a stupid name. Who TF names their kid after a goddamn band?!**" when these words came out of my tong ***Imagines Evva as a puppet made out of googly eyes pasted unto a salad tong* **I knew they were true.

"Omg what did thou say" Loki blusted. **...WHO THE F*** ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH LOKI?!**

"I said...I love you" I said.

Just when Loki could of said somethin back, there was a big crack an the cage broke open! But it was not cause the button got prest, it was somethin had smashed it open an that somethin was the Increduble Hulk! **So much for the glass cage being made to hold him. **The Hulk ran towerds us with a face of rage! **And this is why mind control doesn't work on Bruce Banner. **I shot ice at him an slipped on the ice but I knew he must get up soon so I said "Run Loki" an we ran an so did the avengers an Nick Furry but not Colsen but that was ok cause the Hulk did not have interst in him.

"Lets telaport to ur lare" I yelled to Loki.

"We cannot cause shield made a telaportal barier" Explaned Loki. **When, in the five minutes since you got here?! **

"we must fight the Huk" I yelled. _**What, you can't just yell another stock movie phrase? If "I know you're in there" worked, maybe "this isn't you, Bruce!" or "you're better than this" will too!**_

"No he is too powerful for thou...thou must **let him and Thor duke it out as they are contractually obligated to do** consternate an use thou mutent powers" he said.

I reached deep in my sole, what was my patential, if only I knew what my power was before teh Hulk found us! Then I reelized...my power was, to shapeshit! **GROSS! That has to be the worst superpower since Matter Eater Lad! **(like Misstike from x men) **"Mistake" indeed!** I shapeshifted into a ice colored Hulk an roared feercely. (Also I wasnt nood cause my cloths stretched bigger u perv)

"Evva thou are a shapeshifter!" Explaned Loki.

Hulk went into the room an he saw me, he made a angry noise like this "hgrghrghrghrghrghrghrsnrf" **...how do you even pronounce that? **but I roared louder an jumper kicked him rite in teh face. He hit me an I hit him back an he hit me again an then he was dafeated an he shrinked into Bruce Banner. _**Best. Fight scene. Ever. **_

"sorry about taht, I cant control my anger" He said sorrly "wait where are teh other avengers! **And aren't you evil?! And why am I not being mind controlled right now?!**" **Oh, Bruce, it's better not to ask.**

"They fleed from thou green monster" Said Loki.

Burce Banner loked sad an he went away. **Awww. Poor cinnamon roll. **But still I couldnt talk with Loki cause then the avengers were there!

"Omg why is the Hulk blue an hot" Said Tony Stark. **Again, Stark, _f***ing priorities._**

"Silence Stark" Said Nick Furry "This is cleerly a shapeshifter!"

I turned back into Evva (the human kind so Nick Furry would reconize it was me) an said "I am...Saga"

"Why is Evva a shapeshifter, I thought she was a shield agent?" Said Hakeye all confused. **I guess the brainwashing power finally wore off and left him with a case of amnesia. **

Nick Furry loked secrative "Well I knew she was mutent...but I knew if I told her this she would turn aganst Shield portection. The rune on her amulit said 'this baby is name Saga, also she is a powerful mutent' **No, as we've already established, the rune on her neck was Turs, so if it said anything it said "This child is somehow related to Thor", which would have resulted in a very different (and much more interesting) fanfic. **so I didnt know what kind, anyways the ice giants abbadoned her cause she was a mutent an there raicest basterds on the ice giant planet **As opposed to us here on Earth who would _never _be cruel to our mutant population!**"

My eyes flashed red "Loki why didnt u tell me this" _**Whaaaaaaaaat. You mean *GASP* the Liesmith LIED TO YOU?! WHAT A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS.**_

"Ok I lied but this was only cause I am teh god of lie, its like acutely. Ice giants are raicest an they abbadoned me too when I was a baby" I could see tears in his eyes "I tried to destroy the ice giants cause there evil but if I told thou this thou wouldn't join me" **Loki, that girl is so gullible she trusted a complete stranger over her dad and changed her name for him.**

"It was all a fukin lie?!" I damanded exept I felted pity cause he was abbadoned when he was a baby like I was.

"No only some of it was a fukin lie, I still want to take over earth so mutents like us can be free" (note, Loki is cleerly a mutent ice giant cause he is short an not blue like the other ice giants also he can telaport an shapeshift an stuff) **My theory is actually that Loki's a demigod child of either Odin or Hela, which is why he resembles them so closely in human form, has strong seidr skill and doesn't look like the other giants.**

"Ok so ur not evil?" I asked cause I was confused. **Well, gee, let me think... pathological lie... murdered a crap ton of people without remorse...emotionally abuses his brother... yeah, yeah, he's definitely evil. **

"No I want only...the truth" **YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. **Said Loki. His eyes burned with truth an not lie. **Because this has proven to be such a foolproof way of detecting his motives in the past. **

"enough of this empty talin lets fight" Said Tony Stark **Yes, thank you Tony. This chapter has gone on long enough. **he turned into Iron man an meniced us with his repulsive rays. Black Window pulled out another hand gun, Hakeye pointed a arrow at us, an Thor waved his hammer. Captian America had no shield to fight so he got a minie gun instead. **This is blasphemy **

I was really mad cause who would I beleve, Nick Furry or Loki. **Oh, spare me the suspense, we all know who you're gonna pick. **Then I made my chose an went an stood next to...Loki!

"I knew thou would see teh right" Said Loki trumpently. **I think you mean "the wrong".**

"Wtf Evva!" Said Nick Furry "I rased your ass in teh way of wepons an this is how you compare me! **And Loki! We are going to sit down have a little 'talk' about this dating my daughter thing!**"

"Yeah u suck Evva" snitted Colsen.

"Shup up u little bitch" Said Nick Furry**, because he was good dad who defended his daughter** "This is between me an my daughter"  
"Im not ur daughter" I snorked. **even though she really did suck.**

"My avengers will make you see reason**, by punching you with** it!" Said Nick Furry. "Avengers, kill Loki but catch Evva, alive!" **Thor: "Um, Fury, I really don't feel comfortable murdering my broth-" Fury: "Shut up and do it!"**

I made a fightin pose, it was me an Loki aganst all 6 avengers! (Also Nick Furry an Colsen)

* * *

**I have a theory that every time a character is brainwashed/turned to ice/whatever and then they show up later its actually a Skrull imposter.**

**Captain America: Winter Soldier- Finally, a Phase 2 movie I can praise instead of rip on! Winter Soldier is great, a fantastic film that is suspenseful, insightful and well, wonderful! The first big status quo shaker in the MCU, it's packed with a plot, but unlike Ironman 3 never feels overstuffed. The pacing is fantastic, the fight scenes are awesome and, of course, our leads are all fantastic. I can't think of single performance I don't like in this movie, everyone from Steve to Maria Hill is great. HYDRA is a fantastic villain, menacing and pure evil but with a scary air of realism. It's a great film, much better than it's (admittedly good) ****predecessor, and argueably equal to its successor. **


	10. Save Morgan Stark!

**Thank you ****notawritersh and Kurt50Alien for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Ixtab: "Don't you love how she says "all 6 avengers! (Also Nick Furry an Colsen)", adding in "Furry" and "Colsen" as an afterthought, like they are unimportant? I mean, we all know what xxmoonlitexx think of Colsen. And Furry. (Hint: "evil")"  Only the hot people matter when the fighting starts! Oh, I guess the old guys are here too.**

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "- Link: 363754632 (It's a HoO/Avengers crossover though... so Leo is in it. Still funny though.)**

**\- "I made a fightin pose." ...I mean... fightin'? Really? Are you going to have a Wild West-style duel?**

**\- Okay, soo... it's fine for Thor to kill his half-brother(right? Been a while since I watched the movies...), but your precious little princess can't be killed. Great job at being fair and impartial or whatever your job demands.**

**\- Doggo is a boy who I have math with. We had some free time, so I showed him this for a laugh. And the review was his idea of a joke."**** 1\. Think link isn't working. Could I please just have the name? 2. Them's fightin poses! But seriously, this would so much cooler if it _was _a western duel. 3. Nick Fury: My job is to kick ass and take names, Motherf***er. Didn't say nothing about being fair! Besides, he's dating my daughter. Dude's gotta die. 4. Your school allows canines in the classroom?! Wow, the American education system's really gone down the drain!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: ****But the whole reason she joined Loki was because he told her he was going to turn Earth into a paradise for Frost Giants. Now he admitted he's lying and actually wants to kill all the Frost Giants and just wants to take over the planet for himself. What's Evva's motive for helping him now? Wait, no, it's because he's HAWT, isn't it?" Yup. Plus Stockholm Syndrome is a powerful force.**

* * *

10...I Fight All the Avengers

Now I knew...I must fight all th avengers! **No s***, Sherlock! **(Not really all the avengers tho cause Hulk wasnt there cause he left) **If he hadn't, you'd have lasted 5 seconds. Now you'll last, like 10.**

"Ok avengers heres our plan, we will attack them one at a time" Said Captian America**, strategical GENIUS** "Hakeye you can go first." **Hawkeye: *looks at bows and arrow* *looks at Evva and Loki* *looks at Cap* Gee. Thanks. **

Hakeye took his bow an arrow an pointed it at me but I moved too quickly, I slid towards him on path of ice an kicked his legs an he fell over an I froze him with ice an the arrow missed me **Jesus, for her to do all that before he even shot the arrow Clint must have the slowest reaction time on Earth! **an shot teh gun out from Black Widows hands an she was de armed an couldnt fight me cause no wepon. **Black Widow: *proceeds to scissor hold Evva into submission***

"use your trainin!" Yelled Nick Furry **"Motherf***er! Hundreds of dollar in funds every year and _these _are Sheild's top agents?!" **but futely, Tony Stark turned into Iron man an said "Now its my turn" **Oh for f***s sake! Stop "taking turns"! The rules of civility do not apply here damnit!**

"yes its ur turn...to loose!" I said **"**cleverly**"** an I shot ice at him.

Tony Stark sneered trollfully "Your not a ice person (geddit like "nice exept "ice" cause, ice giant) **Oh my God, he's reached critical cringe! *bad quip o'meter goes down to "Batman and Robin" level* **

"U HAVE NO CHOSE" **No choice to do what? Does Tony have no choice but to make terrible S****chwarzenegger Grade puns? Are you holding Morgan hostage or something? Wait, that actually makes sense... **I yelled an I made a fist of ice an punched a big hole in teh roof, we jumped on the roof to fight on top of the hellcarier **and I was immediately blown off by the crazy high winds. And I died. The end**.

"We always have a choise" Said a voice, it was...Captian America! **Look, Steve, I know you're basically goodness personified and always try to see the best in people but there's seriously no reasoning with these two.**

"Yes so I chose: to kick thou over priced ass!" **HEY! That is _America's ass_ you're insulting! **Said Loki, they started fightin each other.

Captian America tried to punch Loki "But...you will never take our demacrasy"

"I DONT WANT THOU DEMACRASY, I WANT THOU PLANT" Yelled Loki. **Well if you wanted the zinnias, why didn't you just say so?!**

"You will never have this planet as long as there is 1 republick" Said Captian America, **Um, Cap? I'm pretty sure there's more on planet Earth than just the USA... **he pulled out a glowin white sword! **Excalibur?! How'd you get your hands on that?!**

"Where did thou get that" Loki gasped. **Does this mean Steve Rogers is the King of England?!**

"Its from Sheilds most secretive vault, forged 1000 ians ago on teh darkest planet from the bne of the worlds first presadent" Explaned Captian America "Its teh only wepon that can kill a god" **I'm willing to overlook any and all historical inaccuracies here because of how GODDAMN AWESOME this is! ** An then, he cut off Lokis head! ***AMERICA! F*** YEAH!***

"NO" I yelled, this couldnt be true! Sharp pieces of ice apparated all aorund me an knocked out Captian America until he was inconsous. **As opposed to knocking him out until he was wide awake. Moron.**

Exept, Loki was usin his delusion powers to make it look like his head got cut off (like in Thor 2 teh Dark World, warnin: spoilers **For the last. F***ing. Time THE SPOILER WARNINGS GO _BEFORE _THE SPOILERS!)** Quickly, he telaporteled next to me. "Evva why did thou say no when thou thought my head got cut off?" **"Bcause I LUV u, Loki! Dont yu feel the sam way?" "Uh..."**

"Its cause shes ur girlfrend" Mocked Toy Stark, I loked on him with disgust an knew... ***cue rant that supposedly about a character but actually about the audience* **the power of love was lost to him cause he was too shallow to know its worthfulness, so he flamed everyhtin instead. **Tony: Um, yeah, yeah, I hate love, I'm such a terrible, shallow person, yadda yadda, now give me back my daughter you monsters!**

"Prepare... to be avenged" **Isn't it a good thing when someone avenges you? **I said, an I kicked face (cause he took off the face part of his helmit so he could talk to me) **That actually does sound like the kind of stupid, hubristic thing Tony would do. **an he got knocked out so this was 2 down.

Rite then, Thor came! Instantly I shapeshifted to look exactly like Loki so Thor was confused "Loki thou are delusion me" Thor yelled. **"HAhaha! Are you ever not going to fall for that?"**

"But thou cant kill us cause Nick Furry said to kill Evva an thou dont know which one is Evva" Loki smiled with a smile of winner.

Thor was sad "But I dont acutely want to kill thou I just want thou to go home" **That might be the first Thor-like thing he's said all fanfiction. **

"Yeah rite so Odin can be all abusave an stuff to me an favorite thou" Yelled Loki. **Thor: Ha! I knew if I kept you talking you'd slip up and reveal yourself, brother!"*traps him with hammer* Now we're going home and having a family meeting! And we're using _the talking stick. _Loki: Noooo, not the talking stick!**

"Then, this is a fight cause I must fight thou!" Yelled Thor. An then...he threw his hammr rite at us!

* * *

**Don't miss, man. Don't miss.**

**Guardians of the Galaxy: Come and get your love indeed! Fun fact, this is the first Marvel movie I ever saw and what a way to be introduced! After 3 grim, gritty Phase 2 movies, we're finally struck with color and light and talking raccoons and the comic book wackiness is just amazing! But underneath the hilarious jokes and strange situations, we get a lot of heart and characters who balance humor and pathos fantastically. This cosmic universe just feels so alive, so layered, and it's because of it's beautiful design and inhabitants. And yes, I'm including Ronan the Accuser in that statement. Is he a truly deep, complex, villain? No. But his fanaticism and brutality is scary as f***, and his villain plan, while not particularly complex, adds some very necessary conflict and stakes. If anyone's a bad villain here, it's Thanos, who is taking a vacation and has decided to spend the movie sitting on his ass letting his minions do everything for him. Even when they fail. He's got a long way to go till Infinity War.**

**HOORAY! 50 REVIEWS! WE MUST CELEBRATE THIS ACHIEVEMENT, BUT HOW? **

***gasp***

**I know, I'll do what every internet reviewer does when they want to kiss up to their readers! I'll violate my own honor and do something I promised to never do!**

**NEXT CHAPTER: LET IT GO!**


	11. 50 Reviews Speshul Chapter!

**My screen glows bright in my bedroom tonight**

**Not a comma, to be seen.**

**A wasteland of awful grammar.**

**Kingdom of the, Sueish Queen.**

**Inside I'm howling as my braincells slowly die.**

**A legion of mistakes, why do I even... try.**

**Why are her goals so glib and small?**

**Why does she bother, with Space and Time at all?!**

**What does Brapple and Gumblick mean?!...**

**I feel unclean!**

**...**

**Let it Go, Let it Go.**

**Keep your course, slog along.**

**Let it Go, Let it Go.**

**Just fifteen chapters and song! *oh sweet Christ***

**Here I'm trapped! In this gothick hell!**

**Crying tears of pain.**

**Think I'm gonna Hulk Out as well.**

**...**

**It's funny how much difference, some context really makes.**

**You appreciate the good stuff, while drowning in mistakes!**

**Shakespeare, and Shelley, I love you!**

**Wilde and Coward, oh God, I'm sorry too!**

**I loathed your work, but now I see**

**They're masterpiece! *es***

**...**

**Let it Go, Let it Go,**

**Dickens can't save you now.**

**Let it Go, Let it Go,**

**I miss English class, and how!**

**I don't care! If that sounds dorkish!**

**You'd feel the same way...**

**(musical break)**

**My rage glows darkly *ugh* inside my hearts deep grooves.**

**And it grows tenfold each time that the fake word "sexly"'s used!**

**Her prose reminds of Immortals of days past! *geddit?***

**I love to burn this down, with one repulsor blast!**

**...**

**Let it Go, I'm Letting Go!**

**I can't do this anymore!**

**So I'm Let. Ing this Go!**

**And I'm slamming my front door! *to release stress***

**To this I'll stand! And to this I'll stay!**

**Let my fans rage on...**

**Wait a moment. Fans. I have... fans. 50 reviews. Jesus. That's more than the number of all my non-spork reviews _combined. _And that's not even counting the reviews on Moon Daughter! For the first time in my life, tons of people are listening intently to what I'm saying, even if I have nothing remotely interesting to say! I have to keep going, for my ego- my fans!**

**I WON'T GO! I WON'T GO!**

**I'LL STICK TO THIS 'TILL THE END!**

**I WANT TO. LET Y'ALL KNOW.**

**I CONSIDER YOU MY FRIENDS. **

**THIS I'LL SPORK! AND STEADFAST I'LL STAY!**

**SO PLEASE REVIEW ON...**

**I've got nothing better to do, anyway.**


	12. Evva Goes to Nick Fury's Bedroom

**Sooo... funny story... I was procrastinating on wikipedia... and I came across an article on Thor... and it turns out, one of his ancient Norse symbols, aside from the hammer... is the swastika. WOw. So xxMoonlitexx was technically right about him being a "Nazi God"**

**Thank you ****Kurt50Alien for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:  
**

**Ixtab: "****I'm not completely sure that xxmoonlitexx knows what the definition of 'avenge' is. It's too big of a word." You're right. _Way _to many syllables (she doesn't know what "syllables" means either.. **

**AGrapeWithNoSoul (the rest of your reviews are put in the chapters you reviewed for): "xxxMoonlitexxx-verse Hawkeye is so dumb even his own team is trying to get rid of him.**

**"Kick thou over-priced ass?" Cap's ass is for sale?**

**Evva is really just being manipulated by Loki, isn't she? Don't get me wrong, Flavia was a goddamn sociopath, but she wouldn't have stood for that. She would be the one ordering Loki around.**

**The fact that Captain America wields a sword secretly forged from the bones of George Washington on a dark planet is METAL." 1\. And I thought the normal Hawkeye was lame. 2. The bidding will begin at $1000, do I here a thousand? 3. Would have? She does! But in the Flaviaverse he goes by the name "Alabaster Torrington". 4. It's like for a second, xxMoonlitexx forgot she was aping My Immortal and started aping 30Hs instead.**

* * *

11...I Fight all of the Avengers 2 **the death? Please tell me it's "2" the death. And you die. **

Thor was about to thor **(geddit?...) **his hammer at us! "Wait what are thou doin, thou artist not suppost to kill Evva!" Yelled Loki. **Thor: Well, I never was a very good sculptor anyway! **

"Yes but...when I think of this I reelize I have a half & half chance to guess which one of thou is truly Loki so...I will take my choses!" Said Thor dumly **Dumbly?! Hey Evva, I'd like to see you try to use statistics!**, he rased his hammer ready to strike!

"Kill them both!" Yelled Colsen form behind Thor.

"No but I must or this would be folly" Yelled Thor. **What does that even mean? Its like, English words, but its still gobbledegook! **

Suddenly I turned myself to look like Thor! **Thor: Yes! My plan worked! *immediately changes direction of hammer in midair to knock Evva* **Thor was so confussed that he stood there like sheeple fish. **xxMoonlitexx had to literally tranq him because he was acting too smart. **Now cause I was Thor I had a hammer just like Thors **That... that's not how it works. **an I slammered his long blond head **He, if you ever need to think about something truly horrifying, just try to visualize a "long blonde _head_". Not hair. _Head. _**an he was also knocked inconsous. Me an Loki jumped threw the hole in teh roof until we were in the hellcarier again, I couldnt beleve it, I beat all the avengers! ***loud cough* *Evva and Loki turn around* *Falcon, War Machine, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Quicksilver, the Guardians, Wakanda, Antman and the Wasp, Dr Strange, Spiderman, Valkyrie and Captain Marvel are standing there* Captain Marvel: Not _all _the Avengers.**

Tehn...Loki killed Colsen ***canned sitcom boos* **but this was acutely self dafense cause Colsen had a electro gun an stuff **Was he _shooting_** **the electro gun? No? Then it's murder. **(anyways it happened in the movie so dont flame about this, anyways hes not really dead spoilers alert!) ***takes deep breath to complain* -Eh. I'll let this one slide. Not like anyone watches Agents of Shield anyway...**

"We must find the teserax instantly!" I explaned. **Y'know, while you morons were busy having a superhero fight and expositing bad dialogue, SHEILD probably moved the Tesseract to, like Area 51 or something. **

"Wait Evva I mean Saga, theres somethin thou must know...in all teh sentrys in ll the 9 relms **There's only one Marvel character named Sentry, Loki. **I have never seen a madden as beatiful as thou" **"Madden" is a typo. He was clearly saying "madman". **

"Omg I was thinkin the same thing about you" I gaseped! **"I think you're a beautiful madman too!" ** But then before we could kiss or make put or anythin, I saw the teserax sittin on Nick Furry's bed! **WTF is Nick Furry's bedroom doing on the Helicarrier?! And WTF are you doing in Nick Furry's bedroom?! And why is the Tesseract there! Ok, granted the answer the last one is pretty obvious; Goose the Flerken barfed it up. **I grabed it! **And your hand was covered in Flerken stomach acid! **But there was a blue strike an a man apparetd from with in teh teserax cube! It was a nazi-lookin man but not Hitler, he had a red skull! It was...Redskull! **Well duh. What other Nazi looking MCU villains are there?**

"Who are thou red skulled face man" damanded Loki.

"I am, teh Redskull" He said germanly. **Loki: You're a red skull named Redskull? How original. Redskull: Oh, look who's talking Mr. "Kneel Before Loki". Or should I say, _Zod. _Loki: *prissy gasp* _You take that back._**

"Wait why waste thou intrapped in the teserax tho?" said Loki all confused. **"I thought you're guarding the soul stone right now." "No, that movie hasn't been released yet."  
**

"Well I fightin with Captian America an I touched the teserax an it suckered me in" He expanded. "But now thou gf hath releesed me!"**Why does everyone immediately look at Evva and Loki and think they're a couple?! Can't a male and female villain team up together without some romantic bond?! God this story is sexist! **

"We are fightin Captian Amertica too!" I said all exited. "Maybe we can all of us fight Captian America an the avengers together"

"Yes we will make a team to fight these avengers an we will call it... _'the revengers'_" Said Loki wisely. **Ok, so before I go on my tirade let me just say that yeah, it is super weird that xxMoonlitexx predicted the events of Thor Ragnarok (although the Ragnarok "Revengers" are really more like the Defenders...). However, the Revengers have been a second-rate enemy of the Avengers for years. Loki has never been a member of their roster. And the name is just dumb. It's the kind of team name a none too original, hammer using jock would think up. Not a supposedly clever supervillain. **

"Yes dis ist un goote Idea" Said Redskull exept in german cause he was, german. **If that wasn't in English how come you wrote that in a phonetic accent?**

I couldnt beleve my eyes at this madness "Wtf Loki! He cant join our team, he is a fukin nazi an nazis are evil!" (well sorry if your a nazi but its true) **You literally suggested he join you guys_ three __paragraphs ago_. ****Did the swastikas and hatred of Cap just not tip you off until now?!**

"No no Im not a nazi" Said Redskull. "Im just a hydra, its kind of like a nazi exept we dont kill raicestly, **we kill everyone equally! **we kill avengers an stuff. I acutely wanted to kill nazis in the first movie ***fourth wall shatters* Except there could have been a movie, because in this world Captain America is real so there might have been historical documentaries about him and Redskull might have been played by a fake actor, but then how did the real Redskul know about the fake Redskul and- *Austin Powers "oh dear, I've gone cross eyed" clip* **, so Im not one of them" I remembered that this was true.

I grabbed the teserax an quickly we telaportaled to Lokis lare! **Chapter 9: "We cannot cause shield made a telaportal barier" Well, I guess it ran out of battery while Evva and Loki were talking to Red Skull.**

* * *

**Not included in my list of Avengers: Wonderman, Hercules, Jocasta, and a multitude of others.**

**Avengers: Age of Ultron- I feel like this really is the quintessential Phase 2 film. It perfectly captures the uneven feel of most of these movies, that feeling that the whole thing is just one long commercial. And, don't get me wrong, it's got it's good parts (the party scene where everyone's just chilling and playing off each is fantastic, and the jokes and quips are always good), but it just generally doesn't have the same sense of fun the first film does. Plus, it feels like Whedon doesn't really know what to do with everyone, what with Thor spending his time taking a bath and giving Infinity war exposition, and that awful romance between Romanov and Banner. And while we're at it, let's talk about Black Widow. In the first Avengers she was a kick ass spy, using her wits and resource to outsmart Gods and hold her own against way more powerful foes. She was useful, she was layered, she was unique. Here, her role is... whine about not having kids, be Bruce's girlfriend, and get captured. Wow. Talk about reverse progress! Man, this angered me to no end! Scarlet Witch isn't that great either, for all her power she mostly spends the story being jerked around by Ultron with her superfluous brother (seriously he's here for like five seconds, never establishes a personality aside from "asshole with stupid accent" and you expect us to be sad when he dies?) before having a narmy freakout at his death. All three new Avengers feel significantly less fun and complex then the established characters, probably because their introductions have been crammed into this overstuffed film. Ultron also isn't really my favorite villain. For all his posturing he lacks the presence to be frightening, and the motivation to be sympathetic. He's just stupid, and a waste of a good character. They say working on this film basically broke Joss Whedon, and, yeah, that makes sense. There was just so much pressure on him, so many things he was expected to do, I really can't blame him for dropping some of the balls. **

**Also: I have a really dumb idea for a story. It's called "(Journey Into) Mystery Science Theater 3000", and the premise is basically Loki's punishment for the Battle of New York is bei****ng trapped on an Asgardian replica of the Satellite of Love and watching the movies of the author/audience's choice (but no MCU!). Thor volunteers to accompany him and there might also be the occasional Avenger/other canon character cameo. Waddaya think?**


	13. Pinky Swear Pt2: Electric Boogaloo

**Thank you ****Kurt50Alien and Dragonstar19 for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:  
Ixtab: "****xxmoonlitexx is either clairvoyant, or she is secretly a screenwriter for Marvel, or the Marvel screenwriters have read this and based tiny minor details on this, because, come on. 'the revengers'? Like, who would think of that except this crazy kid? And the Skrull reference in the first chapter (was it the first chapter?)"**** Honestly? The Revengers really isn't all that impressive a prediction feat. Like, that's the first idiot name that comes to my mind when I think "Evil Avengers". The skrull reference on the other hand... that's a lot more suspect...**

**Aitty At Ait Aat: "-I am officially changing my name, which was originally an embarrassing typo I rolled with. It was supposed to be Kitty At Kit Kat. How that typo came to be is beyond human understanding. And after that history lesson, my new name is Aitty, cause it's a pain to type up the rest.**

**\- I found this song, and I think it works with this odd belief I have that Moonlite started off with characters that could have been good, and turned them into vengeful Sues. So, in other words, her characters are singing this:**

**Give what you take, take what you give, what you've done to me, I will not forgive. You've charred my heart into aSh, I've become numb to the pAIn. You've driven us both to CraSH, and escaped without a sCRaTCH. Now you've used up all your luCk, it's time to get what you deSErVe, I'm holding out for kArMa, I'm holding out to wAtcH YoU buRn."**** 1\. So _that's _what your name meant. I always thought it was a keyboard smash... 2. None of xxMoonlitexx's leads could have been good OCs, even with a good writer. They were contrived cliches of characters who's presence's caused automatic black holes to appear in their fandoms space-time continuum.**

* * *

Note...School is consumerin all my time but I made this part up in lunch lol. **Hey, I think this might be the first time school is ever mentioned by xxMoonlitexx!**

12...Now we are 'Revengers' **Now we are 'Lazy Titles'**

When we got there there were 2 vilians waitin for us!

"Omg Loki lookout" I yelled but Loki laughed darkly "Look closer Evva, these ppl are on our side! **There are only two sects in this world, good and evil, and there are never any conflicts of interest between members of the same side!**"

I looked at them an saw that one was a pale man with long dark hair an glinterin dark eyes an black circles under his eyes but I could see the rest of his face cause he had a mask. Also he had a robot arm with a star on it. "I know who this is, its...teh 'Winter Solder' aka known as Buckeye Barns" ***spittake* What he f***?! How do you know who the Winter Soldier is, if you weren't Hydra until two chapters ago?! And why the f*** didn't you tell Steve?! I feel like this is something he'd like to have known!** I yelled, I knew he was the gratest assasin the world exept maybe for me an Loki! **If your ego is so massive that no one can be better then y'all, why even recruit a team in the first place? **(Nick Furry told me about him ***SPITTAKE* NICK KNEW TOO?! **an also how he got brain washed by nazis an russians also hydra but its ok cause he an Red skull got along now **OH MY GOD NICK FURRY IS A HYDRA AGENT.**) Teh other was a science man but this was no meer muggle...instantly he opened his mouth an spit fire at us! **Ugh. Aldrich Killian? Could you find a lamer MCU villain to recruit? **Like a flame thrower but made of human. **Enjoy your night terrors as your mind conceives the twisted mass of Lovecraftian flesh a flame thrower made of human would actually look like!**

"Whos this guy" I damanded "Is he a mutent or what" **"No, he's the Mandarin. I think. He's basically been retconned from existence."**

"No he was once a weaklish man hippy but he shot himself with a drug '_extremus_"**, but this only happened _after _my invasion and defeat, which never occured in this timeline but he still exists despite being from the future and retconned into never existing and oh dear I've gone crosseyed. **an this made him a mutent with power over fire, his name is Kilien" Explaned Loki. (geddit like 'killin somethin' ***groan* The worst part is, he's a comic book character, so that pun might have been _intentional_**)

"But I thought Tony Strak killed him" I asked all confussed.

"Well Trony Stark was a idiot cause he tried to kill me with a explosion but his science 'failed' cause explosion is fire an I am ammune to fire" **And then Pepper shot him with the power of badassery and foreshadowing for Rescue. **Kilien explaned hotly (geddit case fire) **Ew. Never call Aldrich Killian hot again. **I relized...Kilien was like my oppasite cause I make ice an he makes fire, it was like a yinying but of power. **This observation will never come up again! **

I pondred this "Well theres 5 of us an 6 avengers plus Nick Furry, this isnt very fare!" **Yeah, but you and Loki alone managed to kick their asses like it ain't no thang. If anything, it's the Avengers that are at a disadvantage here.**

"Thou has observed wisely...but I have 2 more revengers to join us!" Said Loki! **How did have time to send out invitations to all these villains?! It's been like, five minutes since you made up the stupid name! Or was this your plan all along... clever boy... **Suddenly there was another person in the room exept it was a alian! She was acutely hot with blue skin like me exept not a ice giant also she had black lines like tats **xxMoonlitexx: Cannot tell the difference between spaces between metal plates and tattoos**, also no hair but this didnt effect her hotness. She smiled sadistickally an had a black lether outfit. "Im Nebula, Im a assassin**.** **Loki stole the Mind Stone from my father and went rogue. I'm here to take him down.**" She explaned. I knew then she was a kindered spirit to me (also from Guardians of teh Galoxy.) Also I knew she was a real assassin not a fukin poser like Black Window. **You can't be a 'poser' assassin. Once you kill someone, you're an assassin, dammit, no matter how good or bad you are at it! **Bahind her was a accusing blue alian with black lether armer an like a 8 pack **Um, I'll have to rewatch Guardians of the Galaxy to check, but I'm pretty sure Ronan never had an 8 pack. **an kick ass face tats, he gleered mencingly an I knew this was Ronin!

"This is my bf Ronin" Said Nebula, **Oh, honey, I know you want to make Daddy angry, but you can do so much better. **I was glad then cause I knew she wasnt goin to steal Loki form me lol.

"Enough of this idol chatter!" Said Buckeye **Yeah, no. Winter Soldier doesn't talk. And Bucky doesn't sound like he escaped from a cheesy 80s cartoon show either. I'm calling it now, this is a Skrull. **"Why did u call us here Loki!"

"I summonded thou to a meeting so we could talk like a converstation **and form a committe and maybe have a_têté-á-_****_têté_ and also chat a bit.**" Said Loki leaderly. "Theres a team with 6 super heros an also Nick Furry, they want to empose order an sameness in the world an fight mutents an vilians, they think there savin the planet but...this is a lie Nick Furry lied to them, there just puppits for Sheild an the govermant1 **no, offense, Winter Soldier,** So we must fight them"

"Yes but...how" Said Ronin**, as he, the intergalatic Kree extremist terrorist, wondered why he should give a f*** about Terra**.

"Well I was thinking we could make a team like a army **You may get an army, but they'll still have the Hulk. Also: your army consists of 1 godawful villain, 1 mediocre villain, one brainwashed hero, one anti-villain, and your bimbo girlfriend. **an it will be given a name '_the revengers_" Explaned Loki. "I will be the leader an also Evva, the rest of thou will be like my second command** because... because Hecate, alright!**"

"We will dafeat them simply with, science" Said Dr Killan **Shut up Killian no one likes you. **"But for this to work we need the teserax cube" **Welp, good thing they already have it.**

"Yes thats why our very first mission is to capture it from the avengers" **OH FOR F***S SAKE! YOU TOOK IT LAST CHAPTER! DO YOU ALL HAVE TRANSIENT GLOBAL AMNESIA?! IT'S IN YOUR GODDAMN HAND! **Explaned Loki "But firstly...we must make a oath, also we must proove ourself to be worthful enough to be revengers" **Ugh, not another pinky swear.**

"Ok how do we do this" I said.

"Well this will be a most diffacult an hard task but...thou must all steal 1 sheild secret from Nick Furry" **Well, Bucky's at an advantage now, considering he _is _a SHIELD secret. **Said Loki! **"Hey, while we're there can't we just also steal the Tesseract and be done with it-" "NO! I WANT NICK FURY'S DIARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO BRING IT TO ME!**

But just then the door of Loki secret lare busted open an Nick Furry stooded there wavin a ozi "get on the ground instantly dirt bag" He yelled aggresively! **Nick. Buddy. I love you. You're a badass. But did you honestly think you defeat Loki and Evva with one guy and an Israeli submachine gun?!**

* * *

**Fun Fact: In the show Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Loki really does break Captain America's shield in the S1 finale. Could it be that is what xxMoonlitexx is subtly referencing in her own shield breaking moment? Could it be she's far more knowledgable and clever than we initially thought? Probably not.**

**Antman- Phase two was not Marvel's best work, but it went out on a high note with Antman. This movie isn't groundbreaking for the franchise in terms of storytelling, scope, or characters, but it's still super fun. The special effects are freaking amazing, and the movie makes good use of Antman's powers, which had largely been derided as the most mediocre of any comic hero. Seriously, this movie alone changed my opinion of Antman to "discount Ray Palmer with a bug fetish" to "actually pretty awesome when done right". Speaking of our heroic hero, Paul Rudd is a fantastic lead, all of the cast is fantastic, and every character is unique and memorable. Antman definitely has a similar feel to Guardians in terms of worldbuilding, the sense that these stories are kind of on the periphery of the MCU, despite being front and center, and I like it. The villain (what was his name again?), while definitely bland and falling under that lame category of "same powers as hero, but *evil*", can be menacing at times and, well, the movie isn't about him, now is it?**


	14. We All Have Stockholm Syndrome!

**Thank you N****orwegianKiwi and ****Kurt50Alien for reviewing and favoriting!**

**Guest Reviews:  
**

**Ixtab: "****-I honestly forgot Killian was even in this.**

**-Everyone here is a Skrull. Everyone.**

**-What's the point of the new characters? Other than ruining perfectly good MCU characters.**

**-Ronin does most definitely not have an 8-pack.**

**-"an accusing alian". Ronin the Accuser. Nice subtlety, xxmoonlitexx.**

**-Why are they going to steal the tesseract they already have? Plot purposes. And dragging the story out, because xxmoonlitexx can't think of anything else for her villains/heroes to do." 1\. I'd like to forget Killian was even in this... 2. This is actually like, a Skrull community theater show written by Loki, who has been hiding out among them. 3. Yeah, that's a really weird inclusion. Maybe she's got a crush on Lee Pace...? 4. I'd make fun of that, but, let's face it, I've written similarly shameful descriptions... 5. Yeah, by this time in Moondaughter Flavia had already slaughtered an entire West Coast town! What have these losers done?!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: ****"-Killian's inclusion is worth it just for the "flamethrower but made of human" visual.**

**-I see, Nebula is the lone author-approved non-slutty female BFF in this one, like Hazel from Moon Daughter.**

**-All those villains have different motives. Realistically there should be a mass backstabbing as soon as they find the Tesseract.**

**-It occurs to me that xxMoonlitexx's writing style is near-identical to Gloria Tesch's. Check out the Maradonia Saga; it has weird ice cream koans, random quotation marks around certain words, and repeatedly uses the phrase "and so it was..." Plus the main character's name is Maya, as in Flavia MAYA Lillith Knight." 1\. It's like something out of Uzumaki! 2. Ahh, I see. Just, one eensy weensy little question... WHY HER?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE CHOSEN A CHARACTER I DON'T LIKE?! LIKE AMORA! 3. Admittedly, that would make this story slightly more readable. But I doubt it. xxMoonlitexx isn't capable of balancing multiple character motivations like that. 4. Wow, I'm gonna have to take a look at that..."**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul (again): "I mean...look at these quotes from Maradonia and tell me they couldn't have easily come from one of xxxMoonlitexxx's stories:**

**-"Behind every successful person lies a pack of 'Haters!'"**

**-"Well, the world is divided into 'Dreamers and Doers' and we are mostly surrounded by 'Empty Shell People' who always try to tell us what to do."**

**-"I want to touch them all with my 'deadly index finger' and create an area, maybe a park."**

**-"The Human Sacrifice Offering"**

**-"When he saw everybody swimming and diving in the lake he had a big smile on his face"**

**-"King Apollyon stood up from his seat and said, "We want to finish this great meeting with our 'Mother Earth Song'."**

**-Joey nodded but said with a heavy heart, "Yes…I like her too but the meaning pearls is always a symbol for tears."**

**-"Our outstretched experience with the powers of dark craft tells us to be alert."**

**-"We are very grateful for what you did and as a thank you gift we will give you a word from the deity and maybe a 'Miracle Swing Word of Magic'…"" My God... it's identical. But, I have looked up the Maladorian Saga, and the author is not a "Goth", nor is her ego small enough to willingly parody her own work... but this all makes sense if xxMoonlitexx is a troll! She's read the books, and she's copying their prose to get her distinctive writing style!**

* * *

13...We Practice Bein 'Revengers'

Now I must chose, should I kill Nick Furry or not. Was I a true revenger in my sole or was I weak. **_Oh, gee, the suspense. Will the xxMoonlitexx protagonist side with her loving foster father, or the hot guy._ **Quickly I shot ice at Nic Furrys gun to capacitite him **Wait, she didn't try to kill him?! **but...he disapated like a dream or a vishion. **Wow... I was 100% expecting her to freeze him spleen (Well, not his spleen. People can live without their spleen) or something! Could Evva actually be... a decent but misguided person?!**

"Wtf" I said, Nick Furry didnt have powers to do this! **You don't know that! **Suddenly I knew of the truth, it was like ice in my heart "Loki did you just make a '_illusioned_' Nick Furry!"

"Yes" Said Loki **like a bitch** hardly, but sensative "I wanted thou to practise to see what will happen if thou fight Nick Furry, why didnt thou kill him just his gun?" **It's called having a conscious, asshole. You should try it sometime. **

A iced anger frowned in my sole, I hated Nick Furry angerly now for makin me all weak. "Its cause Nick Furry pertended to be a good guy so I would trust him an be weak like a muggle or a sheep"

Loki said wisely "Evva this is normal its called 'Stockhome disorder' ***this is Pot. I'm not available at the moment, please leave a message at the tone* *BEEP* Oh, um, hey, Pot, it's me, Kettle. Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say, you're black. Um. Call me again soon? *BEEP* **but thou must let it go" **QUOTE FROZEN AGAIN. QUOTE FROZEN AGAIN. I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERF***ER, QUOTE FROZEN ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!**

I knew this was a correct knowledge, cause **my Stockholm Syndrome induced brainwashing was complete. **the world was crule an dark an I couldnt trust any one ever cause they were all evil an untrustrustworthyly **and crule darknessness is undeserving of trust therefor I didn't trust them. **and the only friends to ppl like me were the revengers! So I took my heart an froze it from the weakness of love (exept I still like Loki ok, also the revengers cause they were my bffs)

Then we practised some fightin an I did a kick boxin fight with Nebula an I won but she almost won. **Nebula: OH GOD, I CAN'T EVEN DEFEAT A TEENAGE GIRL! THANOS IS RIGHT, I AM A FAILURE! **Then Loki hoked up the speakers in his lare **Loki *fiddling with wires*: On a normal Asgardian speaker would hook up straight to the ethernet... where the *&% is it?! How do I do this?! What do you mean I have to use this rubber rope?! HOW THE #! DOES THIS BARBARIAN PIECE OF PRIMITIVE TECHNOLOGY WORK DAMMIT?! *murders it with magic and stabby knives*** they were like surround sound but louder an we heard some kick ass music. **"My Little Pony, My Little Pony..." **Then we had to think...which sheild secret would we steal. We made teams like this...me an Loki, Nebula an Ronin, Red Skull an Buck the Winter solder. **Red Skull: Hey man...! How you doin'... listen, Bucky, _buddy_, no hard feelings about the, y'know, capturing the 107, killin' a bunch of your friends and torturing you horribly, _right_? Bucky: ... I'll kill you first. **(Dr Kilien worked alone ***cue 'The Lonely Man theme***)

"When I saw go thou must steal 1 sheild secret" Loki explaned to us an instantly we telaportaled to...shield! **And somewhere, the guy in charge of SHEILD's anti-telaportation tech is banging his head repeatedly against a wall.**

* * *

**Capatin America: Civil War- AKA Avengers 2.5. Like, wow, this film is good! For the first time, I really got a sense of true interconnection between the different spheres in the MCU, like everyone wasn't just doing their own thing all the time. Nevertheless, it still manages to keep it's focus on Cap and provide an interesting analysis of the influence of "The Paragon" style of hero. Everyone gets their time to shine here, even characters like Scarlet Witch and Vision, who receive a bit more characterization here and way more interesting. And speaking of characters, the show is 100% stolen by newcomers Black Panther and Spiderman. The fight scenes are amazing, ranging from the insanely fun airport scene to the brutal and heart wrenching final showdown. Zemo is a great villain, genuinely intimidating and complex, even if his plan doesn't hold up too well under scrutiny. Plus, he's the first MCU villain to actually win! The movie is smart enough to push the politics of the comic Civil War to the side while still making them relevant, which is a relief, because hoo boy, was that crossover a stinker! If I had one complaint about this film, it'd be Sharon Carters unnecessary inclusion. I mean, come on guys, you can show Cap awkwardly kissing ladies all you want, this is Bucky and Steve's romance! **


	15. The Avengers Have Group Therapy

**Thank you ****Kurt50Alien, Sanboss and mihenna for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews: **

**Aitty (ohmygosh you're right, this is so much easier to type!): "Please donate to the "Help the Revengers fund." They can't come up with an original name, their strongest member is a sixteen year-old girl, they think My Little Pony's theme song is kick-ass music, they think normal people and sheep are equally weak, and for some reason, they have to practice being Revengers. How do you even practice that? WikiHow isn't helping at all...**

** \- "Nick Furry didnt have powers to do this!" B*tch, how the f*ck do you know what a Skrull can or cannot do? That movie wasn't even out then!(To be fair, neither do I. Haven't seen any Marvel movies. The only thing I know about the MCU is what my friend screams about whenever a new movie comes out.)**

**\- "I knew this was a correct knowledge" HOW? You don't even have an, as you say, correct knowledge.**

**\- "It was like ice in my heart." So your heart froze over. Sounds appropriate." 1\. The fund will except cash, coins, and pieces of lint. 2. I mean, if was a Super Skrull he wouldn't be able to teleport, but he could turn invisible which could make it look like he vanished into thin air... 3. You need to get knowledge before you can determine if it's correct or not, sweetie. 4. I honestly wished she'd used something else, like, "it was like a shadow glowing darkly in my heart", so that I could use Bonnie Tyler quotes...**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "-Loki is a dick. Which, fair enough, it's Loki. But apparently she's trying to portray him as the good guy here, so why have him be a jerk to Evva?**

**-I'm also surprised Evva just went for his gun. Flavia would've tested if it was an illusion by chopping off his head and blasting him with Zeus's lightning or something.**

**-"Loki said wisely 'Evva this is normal its called 'Stockhome Disorder'" Sounds like Loki scanned WebMD and considers himself a shrink now.**

**-Maybe Tesch's hatred for "the Gothic Movement" was a cover for her secret desire to be a goth." 1\. Not even canon rape can contain Loki's dickness! It crosses across mediums, across dimensions, across incarnations, until it finds him! 2. Honestly, I feel bad for Evva. She's not actually a bad person. Not a good one either, but still... 3. Wait till he googles what's causing his indigestion and it tells him he only has weeks left to live! 4. Honestly, I can't take anything either of these people at face value.**

* * *

14...Ultron Collides the 9 Relms **Um, xxMoonlitexx...? I think you got Ultron's evil plan mixed up...**

Exept the avengers fuked with Lokis telaportal mahicks **using the latent magically abilities they all obviously had **so we apparated right into sheild headquaters **Wait isn't that just where you were going to go in the first place?**where all the avengers standed there ready to trap us!

"Wtf I didnt do this" I explaned to Loki, I was horrorfied, what if he thought I betrayed him into a trap! **Look, Evva, it's pretty obvious the avengers just figured out that y'all keep showing at the same spot every time and just waited there for you. **

"I know thou would never betray me...its acutely Thor" Said Loki sadly, he loked at thor all accused "Thou has fuked with my magicks to trap us**. How he did that I _have no idea_, since this guy doesn't even know how his own damn powers work, but, yeah, let's go with that.**"

"I has" Said Thor stoutly **the wording takes on a whole new meaning after Endgame... **"Exept its not like that ok I just want thou to come back to Assgard an be my brother again" A man-tear trilled on his face **They're different from women tears because they won't do the laundry** but I did not care cause Thor couldnt understand how things are from Lokis point of vew.

"Evenesca for the last time,would you please listen to mother fuking reasons" Said Nick Furry patently. **The thing is, this could totally work if the word was meant in the "patented" sense. Samuel L Jackson does basically have the copyright for the phrase "motherf***er" now.**

"How about: mother fuking no" I snerked.

"I disagreed with that statement" Yelled Nick Furry**'s robot duplicate because seriously who talks like that?!** "Or you wouldnt be here, why are you here anyway!"

"Im stealing a shield secret for the revengers" I yelled back at him.

"Then between us there can be no peace only war" Nick Furry took a shotgun an coved us with it. "Listen I know we are 'avengers' an you are 'revengers'**, whatever that means because I first heard the word only seconds ago from you,** but were not so different, we could kick ass together...then when we are done we could go back to bein enemys, and kick ass seprately!" **Ok, is Nick Furry off his Ratalin again, because he just contradicated himself so hard! **

"Wait why" I said.

"Tonight is the night of Fate" Yelled Nick Furry, grinly **Oh, wipe that smile off your face, Nick, this is grim and- bwahahaha, okay, okay, I can't take Thor Darkworld seriously either... **"Tonight the prophacy comes true, an the 9 words collide! This is why I adopted you ok, so you could save the world not only for muggles but for mutents too, **Yes Nick. Tell your angry surrogate daughter you only adopted her for the greater good, that'll convince her you love her! **this is goin to be big so maybe you 'revengers' should stop 'revengin' for 1 day so we can be one team"

I knew there was truth in his word. **Honey, if I told you chocolate milk comes from brown cows you'd take it at face value. You couldn't find the "truth" in Wonder Woman's lasso! **I looked at the avengers, could we kick ass together not as enemy but a 1 temparary team.

But suddenly there was a dark figure of tallness in front of us, I said "Nick Furry is that you" **HE'S LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO YOU! WHAT MADE YOU POSSIBLY THINK THAT'S HIM?! ** but it said...No. I could see his red eyes gilm in the dark, I knew this was no Nick Furry or any other normal bein but instead like a robot or a bein of vibratium! I was...Ulton! Exept I didnt know about him,yet. **_What, did the Helicarrier not have Age of Ultron on it along with every other Marvel movie?_**

"Who is that" I damanded.

Loki looked wisely "This is Ultron, hes a evil robot crated by Tony Stark and he wants to take over the 9 relms" **"I know this because... Hecate." **

"Wtf Tony Stark is a idiot or something" I said wittedly**, the first remotely intelligent comment you've made all story** "Why would u create a evil robot, its just not a good idea?" **Yeah, Tony! Care to explain this one?! Tony: In my defense, I was little tipsy... a lot tipsy... 100% blackout drunk. Y'know what, I don't have to answer to you, where's my martini?! **

Ultron leered with evil "Im not just a robot ok Im acutely...A GOD" He pointed his medal finger an a repulsive ray swepped from it all blue, but deadly.

"Loki is the only god in this room,an in my heart!" I said defently. **Thor: *prissy gasp***

"Well its a good thing I have this portal then" Said Ultron, he showed us a remote. **Why is that a good thing? And how does this statement even remotely relate to the one about Loki?! **

"What dose that do" I damanded.

**"It opens a portal, dumbass. Can't you listen? **When I press this red button it will open a portal an my army of Dark Elfs will come threw the portal an attack the 9 relms" Explaned Ultron **Soo, are we just outright ignoring Malekith? Good call. **"And now I will press the button" **And now I will spork this fanfic. And now I will mock the syntax. And I now I will make a sandwich. **

"Dont you touch that button bitch" Yelled Nick Furry but Ultron only snitted coldly "I have many buttons and I will touch them if I want, **Yup, I totally believe this was programed by a teenage boy. **anyways you think your so badass and tough cause you can call me bitch but...this is only to cover your own fear" **Translation: No, you!**

"Dont stand there like sheeple fish, do somethin if thou are really avengers" Said Loki! **Um, haven't you been paying attention? That's what they do! **

"Ok" Said Hakeye, he shotted the remote! **Hawkeye: Yes, finally, I've done something useful! I'm not a loser anymore! I! **But...there was,another remote! ***sigh* never mind**Also Ultron pressed the button and instantly a portal was there and like 1 million Dark Elfs jumped threw!

"Fuk you Tony Stark look what you did" Said Nick Furry "Why did u have to make a evil robot"

**"Look, I thought I was building one of those hooker-bots from Guardians 2! It's an honest mistake! **I had ptsd ok" Iron Man raminded him. (note...he acutely does, I saw in _Iron Man 3 _ok) **But the only reason he had PTSD in Iron Man 3 was because of the wormhole incident in Avengers and that never happened but Aldrich Killian is here and he's in Iron Man 3 so has Iron man three already happened despite us still being in the middle of Avengers and also Avengers 2 crossed with Thor: Dark World but that came before Guardians and- *oh dear I've gone crosseyed* **

"Well enough of your 'issues' we have to stop them before they take over America!" Yelled Captian America!

"Fuk you too Captain America ***GASP* BLASPHEMY!**, theres like 60 other countrys on this planet ***195, according to the UN, but I doubt xxMoonlitexx can even keep track of North America***, is America the only 1 that matters to you?"Damanded Nick Furry **Cap:...Yes. **"I dont even know why I made this team 'the avengers' no offense but Evva could kick your asses put together! **My God, the only way you could be this pathetic is if there was some evil force pulling the strings from behind the scenes and upsetting the natural order of the world! But... that couldn't be... right...?**"

Captian America looked sad "Im sorry I didnt mean to be raicest, your right this hole planet disserves to be saved.** Except for the Communists. F*** those guys."**

This was a deep moment, it was a time to come together as 1 team. ***meanwhile Ultron has already conquered half the planet***

"Also Im sorry for bein drunk & pstd" Explaned Iron Man, he really mean it but he also mean it sarcastickally. **Mostly sarcastically. And a little bit desperate, because they still haven't released Morgan. **Teh Hulk couldnt really talk but he loked sad an I knew deep in his heart he was sayin "Im sorry for the rage & destroyin the city when I was Hulked." **"****I'm sorry. I just get so**** angry all the time. Hulk always, ****always angry." **

"Im sorry Loki, I see thou has a diffrent life then me an I should respec this" Said Thor sadly. **"You're you, and I'm me. It's time I got past that. We'll go our seperate ways and you won't hear from me ever again." "WAIT NO THOR BROTHER I TAKE IT BACK DON'T LEAVE ME I NEED THE ATTENTION!"**

"Im sorry for being murdring assassin" Said Black Widow darkly, exept I dont know if she meaned it or not. **Black Widow: Look, its not that I'm not sorry, it's just I hate apologizing to a spoiled little bitch and her dandy boyfriend! They're the last people I give a crap about getting forgiveness from! **

Hakeye nodded "We have all done evil in the past" He said (Like when he got branwashed & stuff) **Yes. Brainwashed by Evva and Loki. Who he now has to work with. And who, I noticed, aren't apologizing... *glare***

"But now today we stand together 1 team 1 goal **One prize/One soul/One golden glance of what should be **for 1 planet (an also Assgard) Ok now thats over so...avengers and 'revengers'...ENSEMBLE" Yelled Nick Furry, **Oh, boo, I know Tom Hiddleston at the very least can sing! Some of them deserve to get minor leads! ** I knew now the big fight was about to start! **Actually, seeing how long it took for y'all to get your act together, Ultron's already one. The big fight just ended.**

* * *

**Doctor Strange: Come for the Botany Cramplesnutch, stay for the acid trip visuals! Because seriously, those gorgeous fight scenes are what _make _this movie. the characters are well acted but flat, the plot pretty standard fair, and the villain an unintimidating waste, but my God, when the magic elements come alive, they speak for themselves, showing you don't need to go cosmic to get a wonderfully colorful, creative and imaginative piece of comic goodness! Ths movie has a visual atmosphere like no other entry in the MCU, and I'd recommend it just for that!**


	16. TBFWARAUDFP

**Thank you ****Kurt50Alien and Dragonstar19 for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Ari: "Isn't Stockholm Syndrome is when the hostage sympathises/bonds with his/her captor? Evva was not captured, she was taken in. So Evva here definitely does not have Stockholm, she's just mental." She is. Or she's got Stockholm Syndrome with Loki. Also thank you for the lovely song!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "-Evva must have an extreme version of face blindness if she mistakes Ultron for Nick Fury. That explains why she never questioned why her bio dad is black. She literally doesn't see race. Or height. Or if someone is a robot. The only trait she consistently notices is whether or not someone is "sexly."**

**-The Dark Elves arriving through portals followed by "Avengers assemble" is like a lamer version of the Endgame battle."**** 1\. And I thought I was bad with faces. I may not remember someone who's been in my classes for three years straight, but at least I'll never confuse them with a giant robot! 2. That reminds me; when is xxMoonlitexx going to post the Endgame chapter?! I'm really excited to watch how she'll butcher it!**

**Aitty: "-"the avengers fuked with Lokis telaportal mahicks" GAAAH! NOBODY NEEDED TO HEAR ABOUT THE AVENGERS HAVING AN ORGY!**

**-"Im stealing a shield secret for the revengers" *mocking clap* Wow. You could have been like, "Daddy... I'm so sorry I left, I've come back and I'll never leave again, I promise!" And the stolen the secret and snuck out. Hell, you could've been a kickass double agent, being Nick Fury's adopted daughter. But clearly you don't have enough brain cells for that. I mean, it requires at least one to think of that.**

**-"maybe you 'revengers' should stop 'revenging' for a day" Then you'd have to stop avenging for a day... now I kinda want to watch that insanity.**

**\- Evva. Sorry to tell you how stupid you are. Wait. No I'm not. You won't get it anyways." 1\. OH GOD I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT LIKE IT BEFORE JESUS MY EYES AHHHHHHHHH! 2. How ironic. If Evva had listened to the Black Widow, she would have known that "espionage is a super power"... 3. Avengers 5: DISNEYWORLD!**

**Oh, and thank you Guest for the Moondaughter and Agent of Shield playlists!**

* * *

Note, Im sorry about the long wait for this one cause I had a vocation **What moron company hired _you_?! **ok.

15...The Big Fight With All teh Revengers & the Avengers & Ultron & the Dark Elfs Part 1 **This might be the longest and most capitalized chapter title we've seen. Like, it's so long it can be an acronym. T.B.F.W.A.R.A.U.D.F.P. Tehbuffwarowfep... Tibifwaradfap... **

The Dark Elfs swepped over us like a wave of the ocean but dark, an not wet. **This simile is like a good simile, but clunky, and not good. **But,the blood was wet on my blad. **Great, xxMoonlitexx thinks she writing Moon Daughter again. Evva doesn't have a blade! **We all killed some, but I killed more. **I find it very, _very _hard to believe you somehow killed more than the walking weapon of mass destruction that is Hulk with your Elsa powers. **Loki made like 6 copy of himself an they all shot dark elfs with his staff **Invoke Duplicity doesn't add to your damage rolls! **that was powred by the Affinity Stone. **"The" Infinity Stone?! There's like, 6! Or does she mean that it was powered by a completely different stone, the Affinity Stone, which is like, the stone version of those knockoff Lucky Charms you find in the camp cafeteria? **Ronin killed them with his hammer stick an Docter Killen killled them with science. **Dr Killen: ...and so that's how you find the standard electrical reduction energy of a voltaic battery! Hello? Is anyone listening? Dark Elves: *dead from boredom* **Also Nebula broke there necks with her fist alone. Bucky did the very same thing exept with his medal arm,he killed 2 dark elfs in 1 punch but...Red Skrull killed Loki! **I'm not sure whether to boo Red Skull or applaud him... **Exept only a copy? But still this was bertrayal **Well, he is a Nazi... so I guess I'll boo him, even though he betrayed our protagonists and I usually like that in a character.**

"Wtf Red Skull your suppost to be helpin us" I cryed askfully.

"Nain but I am acutely...a nazi" he gleered "An Nazis are evil all teh time" **Wow, so, your planet is being invaded and you're still taking time out of your schedule to backstab? That is like, the definition of Stupid Evil. **(if you disgree with this no offensive but your porbably a neon Nazi) **Neon Nazis are like regular Nazis, but they give you migraines if you look at them too long, so they're even more satisfying to punch! **

"Your right, I do not serve the 'revengers' I serve only teh furrer" Said Red Skull. **"Furrer". Fuhrer. Furry. Furry Fuhrer!**

I smiled of wisdom "Well if you mean '_Hitler_' **Actually, i****n this universe, the leader of the Nazis was actually Hitler's Fursona. **he shotted himself hundreds of years ago like a Wuss **Wow. Two true statements in two chapters. That's like, a new record for you, xxMoonlitexx!**"

Red Skull stood germanly beside Ultron "Then if this is true...this godly robot is my new furrer" **Ultron: Whoa, whoa ,whoa! I may have downloaded the entire internet into my conscious, but I ain't into that s***! **

"Thnx" Said Ultron sarcastickally cause **even he didn't want a Nazi on his side **now he got 1 more follow.

"Did you know...I never like this robot" Said Tony Stark wittedly. **Not even a pun! Epic Fail. -10 on the Quip-O-Meter!**

"Then let us destroy him for this world" I said but I was still maybe a little pised on him cause it was acutely his falt. **Honey, you aligned yourself with a genocidal maniac who tried to bring an army of bug people to NYC. You have no right to judge him! **

But before we could them Red Skull fell over, he was dead! **Get used to rushed anticlimax, guys. There's gonna be a lot more where that came from.** But who killed him. It was two new avengers, **D-Man and Starfox!** Scarlit Witch who was really very kick ass an mystrous. **Whoa. _Two _female characters who xxMoonlitexx doesn't hate in one piece of media! It's a miracle! **Also her Quicksilver who was russian **Ooooh, never call a Baltic person Russian. It's a ****guaranteed**** way to get severely injured. **an I didnt like him after he died **Did you like him before he died? **(spoilers ok) ***stares at spoiler warning after spoilers* *starts to glow white* *screams in Super Sayan* **

"Who are these ppl" Damanded Loki. But...a Dark elf killed Quicksliver!** Alack, poor Quicksilver, I knew him well... wait no he didn't even have any dialogue nevermind. ** (Sorry but this was in the movie Im just tellin it) **Y'know, I'm pretty sure Loki wasn't in the movie either. Or the Dark Elves. Or Red Skull. But you're still telling _that_, aren't ya?! **"No" Yelled Scarlet Witch with ascream of rage, she was saddened by this betrayal so she **unleashed her awesome powers and destroyed the Dark Elf army in one magic bla- **went away an had some derpression **... Seriously?! Like, WTF Wanda, _this is your moment_! **(like in the movie,also ptsd cause of the bomb, ps but why cause it didnt even go off wtf? **...If I have to explain it, it's pointless to even try.**)

"Well never mind this, we will destroy these fukers ourselfs" Gorled Nick Furry an he shot like 22 dark elfs with a spacial gun made by a sheild personel **Everytime it fires someone gets hit with the full blast Samuel L Jackson's evil eye. Those motherf***ers never stood a chance. **"Taste mu furry" (geddit like his name Nick Furry) **OH MY GOD WHAT IS WITH ALL THE FURRIES IN THIS CHAPTER I WANT TO POUR BLEACH ALL OVER MY COMPUTER GAHH! **But one elf would not be killed. **He's probably the miniboss.**"Die" But he did not **_What?! You mean just telling him to die didn't work?! Incredible!_**

"I know this elf"Said Thor grimly "He is Malakit the Opressed, rule of the dark elfs" ***spittake* Wait, Malekith the _Oppressed_?! Dude, that's not intimidating! That's just pathetic! And yeah, apparently there is a way to make Malekith even more pathetic! **

I looked at Malakit intensly, he was deathly pale but not in sexly way, also his eyes were seffly dark an dead like the screen of a tv that is off **Ok, as dumb a metaphor as that is, it actually gives me a pretty good picture of what she's talking about so, half a point back.**, but teh evil made them shiny in the night. His hair was long an thin an white like the keys of ghostish piano ***imagines piano keys taped to his head*** (the white keys not teh black eyes **Yessir Captain Obvious Sir! **) an I knew...this was the leader of the dark elfs. **Did you make this brilliant deduction before or after Thor told you?**

Also behind him was a bein sort of like a Hulk but also,a bull. **I'd describe it as more of like, generic fantasy Orc-type armor, but, sure. ** It glowed with wrathly fire known simply as, ether. **I know this because...! Hecate! **"I know this elf also,he is '_Curse_' a alian of cashous rage" Explaned Thor. **The sad thing is, by spelling the word "Curse" right, xxMoonlitexx is actually spelling the character name wrong. Because Marvel was actually f***ing stupid enough to name a character "Kurse". **

Suddenly...'_Curse_' attacked at us!

* * *

**Happy Halloween everybody! May Michael Meyers stay far away from you!**

**Guardians of the Galaxy 2- I can still here you saying/you will never break the chain! Now _this_, people, is how you do a sequel! It expands the mythos, continues character arcs, all while keeping the atmosphere of the original without retreading the plot! On paper, I don't like this story. The whole "long lost parental figure returns and character leaves new friends to be with them but then figure turns out to be evil so character can get over their loss but everything will go back to status quo" plot has always annoyed me, but my God is this done well! The emotional beats of this movie are amazing, balancing both the humor and pathos in one heartbreaking piece of cinema. The old pros from last time still great, and newcomer Mantis is hilarious. At the heart of all this is the villain, Kurt Russel's Ego, a performance so perfect I felt genuine shock when he was revealed as the bad guy despite knowing the whole time. And by God is this movie gorgeous! Despite being almost entirely CGI, it reminds me very much of an updated Star Crash in its colors and diversity. Except, unlike Star Crash, this movie is good. In conclusion, come for the wonderful ensemble cast, stay for the jokes and Pacmen! **


	17. The SS Stark hits an Ice Cap

**I know I've been... distant the past month. Sorry, it's a tri-yearly occurrence and I can't really help it, anyway, I'm back now, just in time to wish y'all a Happy Thanksgiving! **

**Thank you ****SparklyMagix, Kurt50Alien, Knightwing20042 and O Cavaleiro da Luz for reviewing and favoriting!**

**Guest Reviews: **

**AGrapeWithNoSoul "-Come on, Killian, you don't need to kill people with science and/or boredom! You're a flamethrower but made of human, remember?**

**-So many furries. Jason must have ghostwritten this chapter.**

**-"Seffly dark" A clue to the meaning of the Seffly Klamp from Moon Daughter?**

**-I don't even know what's going on anymore in this story...**

**-As amusing as a butchering of Endgame would be, I doubt Evva and the Moon Daughter sequel will ever be finished. Is xxxMoonlitexxx even still active anymore? It looks like her last update was all the way back in May." 1\. And this is why Killien is lame. 2. OH MY GOD. You're right! 3. Well, now we know "seffly" is an adjective... and that's about it. It will remain a mystery, just like Brapple and Gumblick. 4. Oh well, that's easy to explain, you see Flavia is fighting with the Revengers having joined the Avengers (not to be confused with the Revengers) to fight Ultron and his army of Dark Elves and they did and then Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch showedupandthentheyleftandthenKurseshowedwithMalekithandattackedEvvaandthenBrappleandGumblick. There, was that really so hard to understand? 5. I've been hearing she's been promising new chapters for months but never actually delivering them.**

**Aitty: "****Hey Flavia, since you're being attacked by a curse, may Hecate be ever in your favor." Wow, giving her a blessing? You're a better person than I am.**

* * *

Lol I didnt update this one for a long time cause school an stuff **Ironically, this author's note works for the both of us. **BUT last night I see Civil War and it kicked multaple ass. **Specifically Tony's. **

16... The Civil War! **Already?! But what about ****T.B.F.W.A.R.A.U.D.F. Part 2****? Are you telling me there's no goddamn part two?! Are you telling me you're so lazy you didn't even write a part two?!**

Suddenly...Ultron an all the dark elfs exploted! **BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHIIIIIIIIIIT. BOOO! WHAT A COPOUT! I HAVEN'T SEEN AN ENDING THIS ANTICLIMACTIC SINCE MONTY PYTHON'S QUEST FOR THE HOLY GRAIL! BOOOO!** There was nothin remaned but simply...dust of teh earth. They were defeated! **WHY?! HOW?! DOES IT MATTER?! **

"Good now lets get some sarma" Said Tony Stark. **Priorities!**

But, a tear busted singly from Captain Amercias eye "But...the civilan" **What civilians? This takes place at SHIELD Headquarters so far as I know, so who was there to be killed?! **

"Fuk the civilans" Snided Tony Stark **Well that's just evil.** "Like Ultron said before he got exploted, you cant cook some eggs without breakin them**, and if we can't trust my evil murder robot, who can we trust?**" (unless there "_hard boiled_" but these eggs were not. **Thank you for the clarification.**) But under neath this he was really kind of sad, also because his parents got murdred an stuff. **So, is this whole chapter going to be a xxMoonlitexx-ified version of Civil War? Cause... I'm actually kind of down for that...**

Captain America loked on him in discussed "You have no respect for human life only violance" He said sadly and smashed his fist into Tony Starks face. **Guess they should've named him Captain Hypocrite. **But before they could start fightin **"Start fighting", what the hell do you call what just happened, friendly teasing?! **a goverment man apparated there, he wore a sute an a mustash holding a paper **His mustache was holding a paper?! MUTANT! **"America says you must sign this paper"

The avengers made to sign it but I stoped them "What dose it say tho" **Wait, those morons are seriously signing a paper before they even know what it says?! And wouldn't the Sokovia Accords, or any international laws for that matter, not even apply to like, Thor and Loki?**

"This is the Sukova Code" He explaned govermently. "When Ultron exploted he exploted a country with him**, apparently offscreen, **and this country was,Sukova. **Well, Sukova may have been destroyed, but at least Sokovia is okay. **So we should sign this please"

Tony Stork looked on this paper with approve "Well the goverment is in charge so we must obay them so civilans dont die like Sukova **and signing this will stop more death because... **and also that other time when the aliens attack NYC city **except that never happened because we never got through the first Avengers so maybe this refers to another time aliens attacked New York but nah, I'm giving xxMoonlitexx to much credit, this is just a continuity error **so I do have respect for life you fuckin lier." **Yes, sign the government document you haven't look closely at in an attempt to win your dick measuring contest with Cap.**He did not get alone good with Captain America evern since they firstly met when was a "_ice Cap_". **Ok, I know this wasn't the pun used in the first Avengers and I should grill her for continuity errors, but you know what, this was a legitimately good line. It made sense, didn't end with a "geddit" and, I dare say, was funny. 7 out of 10 on the Quip-O-Meter!**

But Captian America frown all angry"But...teh constuiton dose not endorse thus ***Star Spangled Banner plays* *All the instruments are kazoos***, in the land of the free we dont want a goverments breathin on our bax, we should be free in America you know what, fuk the government we don't need a goverment" **Whoa there Cap, slow down! This is why you don't Inspiring Speech while drunk. **

"Whoa bitch its just a paper" EXplaned Tony Stark "Now sign the paper or you will die" **Way to lower tension, Tony. Seriously, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this isn't MCU Tony under duress. Maybe this actually Possessed By Immortus and Replaced with Teen Version of Himself (I Swear to God This is True) Tony from the original comics...**

"Never" Said Cap, he had no chose...this could only mean 1 thing...there was goin to be a civil war!

We all started pickin sides. On Tonys side there was: Roads, _**Roads?! **_***gaseped* How can Captain America beat Ironman when he has all of infrastructure on his side?!** Vishion, Black Widow but she was just pretendin, Black Panther who was really very bad ass also a king an he had a kick ass claws. **He's so badass, in fact, that xxMoonlitexx never did a chapter for his movie, because she knew she could never pervert it! That or she's racist. **On Caps side was, Ant Man, Falcan, Buckeye Barns **who broke out of her brainwashing just in time for this, apparently**, Hakeye, also Scralet Witch. (Acutely Thor an Hulk were not there, they had "_things_" to do in space. **Am I the only one who things the italicized, quote on quote _"things"_ sound just a tiny bit... shippy? Yeah, yeah, probably just me...**)

I looked around for the other revengers so we could pick sides too but, they were gone. Only Loki was left, **Thor asked him to leave with him so they could make Thor: Ragnarok, but he decided grabbing a bowl of popcorn and watching the trainwreck. **he said "Evva thou mustest chose a side so we can be in this civil war, its all up to thou**, because, let's face it, no matter what side we pick I'ma flip flop like, eight times.** "

* * *

**So, what side of the Civil War are you on? Union or Confederates- I mean Cap or Ironman. No, you won't get to hear my answer until after you vote!**

**Spiderman Homecoming: This movie, this is not a Spiderman movie. There's no lone wolfing, no love triangles, no Uncle Ben, no "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" shoved down your throat every five minutes. No, this is not a Spiderman movie. This is something better than a Spiderman movie. This is an _original_ movie, bringing a story we've never seen before to the big screen and combining with a funny, upbeat yet grounded and accurate depiction of high schoolers. I've never been a big Spiderman fan, even though the first comic I ever read was a Spiderman one, I always kind of found him boring, the way he's stuck in this never ending spiral of despair and writers refuse to give him proper character growth, but I am a _huge _fan of Tom Holland's Peter Parker. The guy just knocks this role out of the park *geddit?*, so much dorky energy and charisma in one emotional powerhouse of a package. And this is definitely one of the MCUs best supporting casts, from Edgelord MJ to Ned Leeds who is totally Ganke Lee from Ultimate Spiderman with a different name and I'm just happy he got a film appearance. All of them are hilarious and charming and have none of the cliched stereotype feel from earlier Spiderman films. The older cast, like Aunt May, is also really good. This movie does an amazing job tying the street level events of the movie to the MCU as a whole, and speaking of street level events, my God, this villain! Michael Keaton knocks this one out of the park, he is terrifying as Vulture, in the suit and especially out of it, but still complex and sympathetic! If there was one area I'd say this film falls flat its probably the love interest, Liz is super bland and honestly that actress looks so much older than all the other kids and its so noticeable and kind of creepy, but the romantic subplot isn't the core of the movie, Peter's self doubt and proving to the world he's more than a kid in a suit is. Look, just watch Spiderman Homecoming. **


	18. Knockdown Dragem Out Superhero Slapfight

**Thank you ****The One The Only Marty D for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Aitty: "It's her being racist, and not realizing that racism always outs you as A) a troll B) an asshole or C) someone for the social justice warriors to come after." But if you're a troll, don't you _want _the SJWs to come after you?...**

**Ixtab: -Loki had, like, one line this entire chapter. I forgot he was there until he spoke, because he wasn't even MENTIONED until that point. I guess Flavia was ignoring him. Oh- sorry, right, Flavia's going by her alias here- Evva.**

**-On Black Panther: I think it's both, because in Moondaughter all the originally dark skin characters were described as "pale". But still, it's impossible to pervert Black Panther, one of the greatest movies of all time.**

**-GASP! The first and last remotely good pun in any of xxmoonlitexx's works.**

**-Tony's just annoyed because they didn't give Morgan back yet.**

**-My theory: after Flavia destroyed the world in Moondaughter 2 and realized there were no more boys to hook up with, she used her suepowers to transport herself into this dimension and assumed the alias "Evvanesca" and also the alias-alias "Saga". Then proceeded to mess up this new world. Well, that or she possessed the REAL Evva at birth." 1\. Maybe Evvva (Flavia? Flevva.) is finally getting over her crush on him. 2. I mean, Hazel wasn't pale, she's explicitly stated to be black. And she also didn't give a solo chapter to Antman... but given it's xxMoonlitexx, I'm not giving her the benefit of the doubt. 3. Oh come on. Some of them were so bad they circled back and became funny again! 4. True, but Evil!Tony is just funnier. 5. Evva was always a Sue. Seriously, you can't have an origin that stupid and not be. I think she's Flavia reincarnated.**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "-The villain's army suddenly turning into dust was either the lamest anticlimax ever, or more suspicious foreshadowing...**

**-I love how quickly Cap's drunk inspirational speech escalated from "don't sign the paper" to "BURN TEH GOVERMINTZ."**

**-If this is really a troll, then I strongly suspect the reason there's no Black Panther chapter was that there was no way "Hanna" could write it non-racistly, and either the troll didn't want to go there or they were afraid the fic would be taken down for racism.**

**-"Doing 'things' in space" Oh, that's totally shippy." 1\. Gaseped! More clairvoyance! 2. 3. I've noticed xxMoonlitexx likes to avoid sex and such, and evidence points to this troll being Asian, so its possible she just dosn't feel comfortable tackling Africa and the problems it brings up. 4. Its official, Hulk/Thor is a thing in this universe. **

**Guest: ""Crazed anarcho-libertarian Captain America wielding a katana made from the bones of George Washington" can join Nick Furry in the things-that-are-so-stupid-they-accidentally-become-awesome corner." Cap and Fury are just so pure that no one can corrupt them- they only get more cool. **

**For the record, guys, I'm on Team Thor.**

* * *

17...The Civil War Happens! **It does?! I was seriously just expecting another cop out...**

"I chose...my '_own side_" I damanded. **Pfft. Lame. Although I suppose I should have suspected xxMoonlitexx was impartial to no one, since she didn't seem to show any prefences through dialogue. **

"What thats not a chose" Yelled Captian America but before he could do anythin Tony Stork started fightin with him, they clambred **Clam bread sounds delicious and I want some. **each other with mightly blows an the Iron man sute got even a little dinted up **How is Cap going toe to toe with a full powered Iron Man suit and denting it? I mean, because he's awesome, obviously, but it doesn't make a lick of sense! **but, Black Panther aka Takeela **_Tequila?!_**** Who TF is Tequila?! Where's ****_T'challa_****?! **kicked it with his fist **"kicked it with his fist". I'll let that one speak for itself. **an there was 6 long digs on it form his claws. **Six?! Tequila has _six fingers_?! **Buckeye Barns used his robot arm to hit him but, Tony pulled it off so Buckeye Barns couldnt fight any more so was armless **(geddit?!) Also? He's not. Arm or no arm, Bucky's still a super soldier**. Tehn he went to sit with Black Window & Hakeye. **Black Widow and Hawkeye took one look at the insanity and said, "nah". So now they're sitting with a bowl of popcorn on the sidelines, gossiping. **

Vishion tried to shot magick stuffs at Scarlit Witch but,he decided no. They were in love now. **Wow. That was _fast_. Have they even interacted before this point? And I love the matter of fact way she says it! **Anyways the At Man turned big an fight with Roads aka Iron Machinary. **At Man?! _Iron Machinery?! _Okay, be honest with me, xxMoonlitexx, you don't actually know their names, do you. **

"Stop this madness" I yelled "Its so fuking childish, **and Lord knows you're the expert on childish!** we should be together ass ***snicker* **1 team not fightin each other ok" **Why do you care?! Don't you want them to fight?! Didn't you make them fight in chapter 8?!** But my wisely words were not heard cause they were too busy punchin each other, there was armer flyin an maybe some blood **Christ! How hard are they punching?! **but no one was killed cause **that would ruin the fun of our knock-down-drag-out superhero slapfight! **they were too powrfull to be killed.

"I agree with Evva, we should be lookin for thou Affinity Gems ok" Said Loki, **Because he had realized that it would be far smarter to use the Avengers as attack dogs against Thanos instead of fighting them. Although, Loki buddy, it might be a good idea to explain to them what the Infinity Stones are before ordering the team to find them. **I reelized with **Sue Powers and Retcons **suddenfulness that this blue thing on his soeer was not acutely blue, it was...yellow, it was a "mind stone." (Also it wasnt in Lokis soeer anymore ok, it was on Vishions face, its stupid but the movies says so) **It pisses me off so bad how she alternates between throwing all continuity out a window and treating it like its the word of God, depending on her mood and whether or not it will be sufficiently terrible storytelling. **

I loked closely at this **AWESOME **foolish site, then I loked closer and I knew there was a person hidin behind a tree! I used my mutent powers to turn this tree to ice an it fell over an meltered **Ice melts something?! That breaks every Universal Law of Physics in existence! **an we could see hidin by this tree a mugglish man.

"Omg who is this" I yelled. **Its probably just some poor lost civilian! **

"Its a trap" Said Loki **like the paranoid lunatic he was **ceverly, I knew now this was just a trap to make the avengers fight each other so they wouldnt see the truth. **I knew this because... Hecate! **

"Stop fightin, your just fuking puppits" **Gross! Not a mental image I needed! **I yelled to the avengers.

"Yes...puppits of teh govermint" Snerled Captain **Anarchy **Amercia.

"No fool" Said Nick Furry, he amed his finger at this mugglish man "This is the ppl who tricked you into kickin each others sad asses, hes...Baron Zeemo!" **Actually, in the MCU he's _Helmut _Zemo, because Baron Zemo is an evil time frozen Nazi who wears an purple bodysuit with puffy ermine sleeve and a full face balaclava and I just don't think the world is ready for such greatness. **(Note, this isnt the Baron Zemo who makes nice comments to my story ok, this ones spelled diffrent so no offensive, Baron Zemo u rock) **Only an evil time frozen Nazi could actually _like _this story! **

Baron Zeemo smiled with a bitchly smile "Ha see I made you all fight each other, thats what you get for killin civilans cause some of those civilans were acutely my family ok" ***glares at Tony* What was that about "breaking a few eggs", _buddy_? **

"Yes but your still goin to jail, also fuk your family" **F*** you too, Evva. ** I said wisely.

He was a villan but not a cool one, he had no powers at all so he was a lame ass **As opposed to who _Killian Aldritch?! _*rolls eyes* Powers or no powers, Zemo is one of the most intimidating, and successful, MCU villains to date. **so we put him in a jail in Black Panthers secrete country **Due process?! What's that?! ***Waka **Waka eh eh/ ****Tsamina mina zangalewa/ ****This time for Africa* Huh. Oddly appropriate song insert. **that was made all from vibranium. **The buildings? Vibranium! The plants? Vibranium! The people? Vibranium. **

A tear glimped singly from Captian Americas eyes "I cant beleve this civilan tricked us to fight each other **when we could have been fighting the government!**"

"Yes we were dum asses, mostly you but, there was some my fault" Tony Stark agree **in character for once **sadly "But still we cant be one team its too soon" ***wince* Man, this is painful. Why can't they just see they love each other?! **

"Your right" Said Cap sadly, he threw his sheld at Tony Stork **That Cap, always gotta get the last word in. Wait, when did he fix his shield?! **an went with Buckeye to Waka, exept Buckeye was too dagerous to keep alive **Bucky: Wait what?! **so they put him in a ie cube for later. **Oh my God, Steve, how could you do this to your best friend?! **

"Well I have stuff to do, for now I exept your life chose but...if you attck the governmint or anythin I have to stop you just so you know ok" Said Nick Furry, **who had just 'bout had it with this BS. **he got in a car to drive away. **You know, Nick Furry is actually a really good parent. A pity he's got such a horrible child. **

I stooded with Loki, all the avengers left until they were gone **As supposed to leaving until they weren't gone. **& we watched them go "I see now evil is defeeted, this must be the end of our quest?" I said askfully. **YES! **

"No theres acutely a deeper evil" Said Loki darkly "Its not mutents or robots or anythin this time, its acutely...magicks**. That bastard Strange humiliated me. He needs to be taught a lesson.**"

"But I dont know how to do these magicks" I expanded.

"Well thats ok cause there is a place thou must go, its called Kamel Toj" Loki gave me a map an started to apparate away **Ok, he's just trying to get rid of her, isn't he? And maybe kill Strange in the process. **"Thou must go there an learn the deep magicks **Oh God, is this like the Word of Deep Death?! I can't take another bulls*** MacGuffin quest! **an become...the Sorcererer Supreme" He apparated away an I knew...I must become the Sorcerer Supremo.

* * *

**Thor: Ragnarok- So, I think, at this point, I've made my opinion on Thor: Ragnarok clear. *montage of fangirling* I mean, seriously, what is there more to say, this movie is pure, undistilled AWESOME. Every scene is like a comic panel from the most epic storyline EVER come to life, like Hela breaking Mjolnir, or Hulk/Thor fight, OH MY GOD THAT WAS EPIC, AND THAT FINAL BATTLE AND HELA'S LIKE "WHAT ARE YOU THE GOD OF" AND THOR IS ALLIKE "THUNDER BITCH!" AND THEN HE HITS HER WITH THE THUNDERBOLT AND AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING!*ahem* But seriously, this is one fantastic popcorn flick, and under that it's a hilarious comedy, and under that its a brilliant soft reboot of a movie series that really needed it. Thor: Ragnarok shaves away all the franchises dead weight (goodbye Jane Foster, and good riddence!) and injects it with all the technicolor madness of the parent comic. The movie draws such strong inspiration from Jack Kirby's artwork and I love it. Sakaar is a visual masterpiece in every sense of the word, and Asgard gets injected with some new life. Well, before it dies. In terms of cast, everyone is great. Loki steals the show as usual, but not as much, because Thor finally gets a chance to cut loose and show how funny he can be, and newcomers Korg, Miek and Valkyrie round out the madness with their own distinct, hilarious personalities. I could watch these people filing their taxes for an entire movie and still be entertained. But the fun isn't limited to the heroes. I'm proud that Hela's the first Marvel antagonist to represent my gender, she is QUEEN. LITERALLY. AND ALSO FIGURATIVELY. WITH HER HORNS AND SHOOTY STABBY THINGS AND GIANT WOLF I WANT THE GIANT WOLF I SHALL NAME IT FLUFFY BUT FENRIR IS A GOOD NAME TOO AND SHE BROKE MJOLNIR WITH ONE HAND AND THEN SHE KICKED THOR'S ASS BUTS ITS OKAY CAUSE THEN HE KICKED HER ASS AND IT WAS GOOD AND- *BITCH SLAP* Okay, no more guys, I promise. So yeah, she's a good villain, and nobody plays Jeff Goldblum like Jeff Goldblum, who was kind enough to lend Taika his Orgy Spaceship. My only complaint about Thor Ragnarok is that it ends. **


	19. Sorry!

**Hey everybody!**

**Hope you're enjoying the holidays, the chill in the air, the bright decorations the unwelcome relatives. Its all so festive! Unfortunately, my five year old computer has developed a cute little quirk where, without warning, the screen shuts down for a few seconds and it refuses to turn off. It'll take me a couple of weeks to have it fixed/replaced, and while I'll attempt to keep up my schedule ("Schedule." Ha! Good one!), it's entirely possible I won't be able to update for a while.**

**Merry Happy Everything! (and sorry!)**

**-Sage**


	20. A Treatise on the Name Carl

**Great news, guys! We're almost at 100 reviews! *yayy***

**Also Great News: CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS IS HAPPENING ON THE CW RIGHT NOW! Seriously, it is so amazing the very first Crisis Crossover is finally being adapted for the silver screen, and three episodes in, everything is great!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****AT Man, Iron Machinery and Captain Anarchy sound like knockoff action figures manufactured to confuse the present-buying grandparents of young Avengers fans.**

**Sorcerer Supremo just sounds like a sandwich." Indeed. Perhaps xxMoonlitexx doesn't realize that copyright laws don't apply to fanfiction?**

**Aitty: "THE SORCERER SUPREMO! THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SHITTY MEAL FROM TACO BELL!" It comes with a choice of sides: gonorrhea or clostridium perfringens. **

**Guest: "****I wonder if the Sorcerer Supremo comes with some Tekeela if you're over 21?"**** Screw Bucky/Falcon, let's see Marvel make a buddy cop series about that!**

* * *

18...I Go to Kamel Toj

Quickly I ran by some mountains, they were asian **The Evvaverse! Where even mountains can be racist! **an very cold with some snow so a weakish human would in like 2 mins **Actually, hypothermia usually takes at least a half hour to kill you. **but I was a ice giant & also a powerful mutent so it didnt hurt me at all, I acutely liked teh cold. **Oh thank God. I was so scared she'd say "teh cold didnt bother me anyway". **Also I ripped off my coat an it blewed away like in Frozen exept more bad ass. ***groan* Nevermind. **Also I had bear feet but I was empervous to the coldness. **Look, bears are impressive animals, but even their limbs get cold on the Himalayan mountains!**

Suddently a place apparated, I knew the wisdom of ice giants **The race that trusted Loki as their mole** .& mutents **Professor X is a mutant. Nuff said. **that this was Kamal Toj, **Wait, does she seriously think it's spelled like that?! She knows it sounds like a dirty word, right?!** a asian place with much magicks. There was a door with a mystick eye rune. I kicked down teh door **because I was too dumb to know how to open it **an stided there alll bad ass **You got the second part right... **"Learn me the magicks" I damanded. **WTF even is this syntax?! **

There was 1 bald lady but she wasnt hot **so therefor she will automatically be obstructive at best and evil at worst and xxMoonlitexx will utterly sodomize her characterization **and she was bald, also she was drinkin tea. "Why" She snided.

"So I can fuffil my destany an become the Sorcererer Supremo" I explaned **Since when is that your destiny?! Your destiny was to be "the key" or whatever during the Convergence! It's over now, so you have no destiny! **"Now learn me this magicks"

Suddenly a black guy walked in, he had a very bad ass clothes an some cool swords but he was lookin angry at me "Thou mustard **Ecch. I hate mustard. **show respecks to teh Axient 1" He yelled. **Axient 1? It sounds like an energy drink... **

I looked closefully at this bald women "Maybe you dont know this but...shes acutely workin for DOrmanmo" **Ok, A) She's not, she's just siphoning off his power and B) How would you know?! **

'Yeah rite" Said the guy & I knew suddenly his name was Carl Mordo **Oh right, your Sue Powers **but ppl only said Mordo cause Carl sux (well sorry if your name is Carl but this is how it is Advise: change ur name to Kylo instead caust this sounds more evil **Why would anybody want to be named after that whiny, pimply crybaby?! Just stick with Carl, guys, its the lesser of the two evils.**)

"Ill proove it" I said, I garbbed a book from the shelf an used my mutent power to read it all in like 6 seconds **Your mutant power is shapeshifting, not super speed! I think you mean your Sue Power.**, instently I knew the magick arts. **If that was all it took to become a master sorcerer why even go to Kamar Taj in the first place?**I wafed my hands majestly and a portel apparated in front of me, it was...Dormommo! Also the dark dimmensions. I kicked teh Anxient 1 threw this portel. **Seriously?! How does murdering a woman in broad daylight prove her guilt?! You're the one in league with Dormammu!** Also her tea,as well. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE TEA! *SOB***

"Omg your rite" A tear exploted from Mordos eye "She bertrayed us all" **WHAT. THE HELL. WERE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?! EVVA _MURDERED HER_. THE ANCIENT ONE DIDN'T BETRAY JACKSHIT, THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!**

"Your fuking rite" I agreed sensatively.

"Well now theres only 1 problem here...we need a new Sorcorer Supremo" Said Mordo confussedly "Who can it be"

"Obviously its **Doctor Stran-** me" I explaned to him, I got a '_sing ring_' and some bad add robes to be like the Anxient 1 exept tjese werent fuking yellow. Guess what color they were...not fuking yellow. They were black like a midnite star but even mystickal. **The Ancient One was awesome in yellow. She looked like the Last Airbender. You look like a poser Sith. **Also a cloak of leviaton exept this was also black with 2 silber lisps an ripped edges. **The whole thing that makes mystical artifacts cool is that they're unique! It's not fun anymoe if _everyone_ has a Cloak of Levitation! **Also a magick sword like a katanna but better. **Also: way to be derivative. If you're going to copy literally everything about Doctor Strange, might I suggest you grow yourself a beard, just to complete the look?**

"Noe you rule all 3 sactums" Explaned Mordo **Oh God, an xxMoonlitexx protagonist has been given power! She's going to murder everyone with lightening bolts again, isn't she?! **"But theres 1 other problem, theres a fuking idiot called Keesilias ***sigh* Well, at least she's _trying _to spell it right.**, hes trying to bring Dormomu & the '_dark damensions_' to earth **and you killed our only hope of stopping him, _plus _you opened up a portal for them, so, great going there **so we must kill him before it happens ok" He showed me a photo of a guy**Wait, Mordo, are you just carryinga glossy photo of Caecilius everywhere with you? Oooh, someone has a _crush_!** an this guy had sick eyes with some peely edges like a racoon but a racoon of death. **Rocket: You called?**

"Where is he" I asked.

"Hes in the nyc city sactum rite now" Explaned Mordo.

"Good" I said **How is that good?!**, I made a portel in the air an then I bustered through it. Now I was...in the nyc city santum!

Keesilias was standin there on a evil shape with some other ppl, these were his minons the zelts **Again, totally just an energy drink. ** and they also had peeled eyes as well. Keesilias was readin some words of evil from a evil book. **"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how potent that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."**

"Stop rite now" I yelled. **"Don't you know that everytime someone reads twilight a were-kitten dies?!"**

"Who are you" said Keesilias askfully.

"I am...the Sorcerer Supremo**. I cost $2.99, sides included.**" I pornounced ***snigger* **majestly "Bitch"

"No wait" Said a voice, it was a stranger guy with a red cape like mine but less cool **Um, is your cape sentient? I didn't think so.**, also a beard like Tony Stark but it was not Tony Stork, it was **his Awesome Facial Hair Buddy**...Docter Strange!

"Why" I said.

"Cause I am...the Sorcerer Supremo" He said sarcastickally an also a little brittishly but not really brittish like Loki. ***that moment when BenneyBoop CumberBop's American accent is so bad even xxMoonlitexx doesn't buy it***

"No you fuking arent" I explaned with calmfulness. **I have yet to hear a person calmly say the f-word in real life. I feel like its legit physically impossible.**

"Um do u know who I am, Im Docter Strange" He said bragly. **"My name's the movie title!"**

"You mean taht guy who was textin & driving" I snided "If u cant drive a fuking car you be the Sorcerer supremo, its common logic ok" **She has a point...**

"Ok I see theres only 1 way to decided this" Said Docter Strange "We will have...a magick dule"

"Ok" I said cause I knew I would porbably win, spoilers alert. **If you're not going to even pretend there's tension here, why should I pretend to read?**

"Keesilias you can be teh judge, stand there an dont finnish the evil spell until one of us wins ok" Said Docter Strange wisely. **You're letting the evil guy judge you?! **

"Ok fine" Said Keesilias "But this has to be quick cause I have to summun Dormonmu" **Keesilias is literally the most polite supervillain I've ever seen!**

"Good now lets fight I said.

* * *

***cue Mortal Kombat theme***

**Black Panther- Wakanda Forever! Black Panther is a really good movie with a lot of hype. It's got fantastic cast, an engaging plot, a complex villain and probably the coolest set in the MCU's Earth... and yet, I still feel like there's something missing... oh yeah! A good climax! The action scenes in this movie are hit or miss. Most of the stuff in the Panther suit is as generic as you can get, but the fights by the waterfall are really tense and entertaining! The climactic battle on Wakanda, with the CGI Rhinos and really fake catfight such, feels just a little cheap. The slow moment after said catfight, where Kilmonger says his final words, the camera barely moves, and the whole thing is lit by a beautiful sunset? Perfect. **


	21. Ass Kick and Names Take!

**Merry Christmas everybody! No, I don't have my computer back, I'm mooching someone else's, but on the bright side it is Christmas break, so that means I have plenty of time to crank out some chapters! **

**Thank you ****Ariadne Gabrielle Gazmen and SkylarkStark for following, favoriting and reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Aitty: "\- So when she said the robes weren't yellow, of course they weren't yellow. The Ancient One's robes weren't yellow either! THEY WERE TUSCAN SUN!**

**...no I didn't google a reference picture and shades of yellow just to make that joke.**

**\- a SING RING! I bet all it does is play a repeat of Moonlite's Let it Go!" 1\. I always thought they were a sort of a daffodil myself. And I too did not google fancy words for yellow... 2. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "****-Geez, what is it with her and Frozen? I thought she said she hated Disney because it was "consumerest" or whatever.**

**-The "Kamal Taj" thing feels like more Asian bashing, putting an L instead of an R. Either Hanna's being racist again or Matt is trying to be satirical.**

**-Protagonist going to the sanctum of a wise woman to demand that she "Learn me teh magicks" followed by "Why?" This is just a ripoff of her Hecate chapter!**

**-It didn't even occur to Mordo that he could be the new Sorcerer Supreme/Supremo? I mean, I guess it happened in the movie too, so fine. It's strange that Evva throws him a compliment (he has "very bad ass clothes and a cool sword") Anyway, we can add...Morcilius? Kordo?...to the list of weird xxxMoonlitexxx ships.**

**-Between Evva opening a portal to throw the teapot after the Ancient One and Kaecilius politely agreeing to judge the duel (but it has to be quick, because he's on a schedule here, summoning Dormammu and all) this chapter feels deliberately comedic. The Trolluminati needs to dial it back a bit." 1\. Like most sheeple, xxMoonlitexx immediately fell in love with Frozen because of the catchy songs, without bothering to examine the story at more than surface level and realize just how utterly mediocre it is. *ahem* *waits for the flames to begin* 2. Its hard to tell with Hannah/Matt/whoever the hell is actually writing this, but it has to be intentional because L and R are miles apart on the keyboard. 3. At least she doesn't abuse her boyfriend this time around... 4. Mordo is sick of all this bulls***. He doesn't want to be Sorcerer Supremo, he just wants to be left alone with his boyfriend! Also Morcilius is an adorable ship name. 5. All of xxMoonlitexx's "literally just recapping the movies" chapters have a (possibly intentional) sillier tone to them. **

**Guest: "I went to read the original and noticed there are only 4 chapters left. Wow, I didn't realize you were so close to the end. Were you planning on reading the Moon Daughter sequel next, since it looks extremely unlikely that Evva will ever be officially completed?" I know, the end is nigh! It's almost sad... not! It's possible I'll be spork Moondaughter 2 next, but there are also a lot of other projects I'd like to sink my teeth into, so it's hard to say. At the end of this book I'll provide a list of potential future projects and hold a poll for what I should do next.**

**ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Guys, I'm on TV Tropes! Ok, well, not _really_, I don't have a trope page or anything, but there's a link to my Moondaughter spork on the page relating to xxMoonlitexx's works! I'm famouse(ish)!**

* * *

19...The Dule of Magicks

I went firstly, I made 2 portels, 1 next to me and 1 behind Docter Stranges head, **You idiot- its only one portal, with two openings. Duh.** quickly I threw a sharp piece of light threw the first portel & it went threw the other portel but Docter Strange cheated an moved out of the way so it cut the wall instead. **Well maybe he wouldn't have had time to do that if you'd made only one portal like you were supposed to. Every second counts in a wizard duel. **

Next Docter Strange made that hand thing out from fire like a whip, but I used my mutent ice giant powers to stick his feet to the floor with some ice, **But since the fire whip was a ranged weapon he could still hit me **then I made a portel to some fire an perpared to kick him threw it but, the fire smoke meltered the ice an he knocked me on the floor **"****Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." -Napoleon Bonaparte**, teh fucking cheater. **For the last time, foiling your half assed attacks is not cheating! ** He made a pointy light thing, exept I shape shiftered into a armless old lady so he would be confused to kill me but, he was a ass hole & he didnt care if I was a old lady so he didnt stop. **_Hippocratic Oath? What's that?!_ **But...I shape shiftered into Docter Strange, he couldnt kill himselfs so he stopped **You've already shown you're a shapeshifter, so why would taking another form avert his attack? **an then I open a portel under his feet but, he did not fall threw cause his cloak of leviation. **I love how just like, 75% of everything Evva tries to do in a fight is an Epic Fail. It really shows how OP magic users are, they can hold their own against a Mary Sue. **

"How are u so powerful" He damanded.

"None of ur buisness" I snided **"Allow me to tell you all of said business. **Im acutely a **Sue** ice giant and a powerful mutent an also Lokis gf"

"Well Im going to win anyways" Said Docter Strange.

Then I had a bad ass idea, I called...Dormommo! **The exact thing I was supposed to stop Kaecilius from doing! By God I'm a hypocrite! **I used his dark damansions energy magicks to make myslef like 66 times **You'd think after almost five years she'd have grown out of "its so edgy to put 6s in your numbers!"**more powerful then Docter Strange, I freezed him with magicks & threw him in a portel but firstly I kicked him so hard he dropped his magicks ring an I took it an destoryed it. **That would mean something if Sling Rings weren't so common in Kamer Toj they're literally given to everyone. Its like the wizard equivalent to a bus pass. **

"Your cleerly the Supremo" Said Keecilius with aw.

"Thats why Im going to ass your kick ***snigger* Do what now?**" I yelled, I did blue magicks n suckered him & the zelts into a portel exept this was a spacial portel and it went rite to the dungons of **Ass Guard **Assgard so they didnt come back. **Right. Sure. Because Asgard's dungeons are _so __secure._**

Now I knew, I was...teh Sorcerer Supremo! It was kind of sad acutely cause Docter Strange was really kind of hot exept maybe too old **Yeesh. Why does Bundleup Catchyourdeath attract the craziest fangirls? **, maybe he would join my side some day. Anyways I knew there was only 1 person for me, it was...Loki! **Points for loyalty. Granted, it is Stockholm Syndrome induced loyalty with a side of Yandere, but at least Evva isn't whoring around with every male hero to briefly catch her fancy. **I portelated to Kamel Toj an read all the other magick books, now I was the most wisest & most magickal being in earth. **Yeah right! **Also cause of Dormonmu I knew I was now immoral **Honey, you were always immoral. **to live forever with Loki, we would be gods.

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**Review, follow and favorite or I'll "ass your kick"!**

**Avengers: Infinity War- This movie broke me. Like, literally broke me. I was crying in the theater. And ride home. And all night. And at breakfast the next morning. That's how badly this movie broke me. But it broke me in a good way. It's a good movie. A _really _good movie. It's bold, it's entertaining, and it juggles its cast of thousands with ease. It's dark as hell but it still has really good comedic bits and hope spots that keep you slipping into Audience Apathy. Its locations and fight scenes are amazingly memorable. And there are so many brilliant little details! The way only some of the Infinity Stones light up when Thanos uses them? Genius, although I would like to see the Soul Stone in action. Watching this movie in theaters was an amazing experience. Its the Empire Strikes back of my generation- an iconic masterpiece whose shockwaves are still rippling through the world of cinema as we speak. **


	22. A Sorcerer Supremo with a Side of Spidey

**That's right everybody! _Two chapters in two days._ It's a Christmas Miracle!**

**Thanks ****Kurt50Alien and Professor R.J Lupin1 for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Aitty: "****GUYS, I FIGURED OUT MOONLITE'S HATRED OF BLONDES BUT NOT REALLY! So, what happened is(assuming she's not a troll)... so, in kindergarten, a blond girl brought cupcakes on her birthday, and gave one to everyone buy Hanna. Or... she went to her blond ex-best-friends house and asked for a glass of water with one ice cube in it... AND THERE WERE TWO ICE CUBES!" Either or, a perfectly reasonable justification for bigotry and murderous tendencies!**

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20...Spiderman Come At Kamal Taj

Now I was simply **You are indeed simple.**,the Sorcer Supremo. I swisted my black clock mystickally ***Flavia struts around carrying her alarm clock*** as stromped all bad ass down the many stairs. Like 1 week happened so in this time I read all the magick books an stuff so I knew all things magick. **Wow, I think this might be the first time skip in the entirety of xxMoonlitexx's writing!**

Anyways there was 1 book left to read **I sincerely doubt you can read everything in this whole gigantic library in a single week. In fact, I doubt you can read at all.**, there were 6 magick jewls glimmerly sexly ***shudder* I'm the biggest glitter pig in Texas, but even I've never looked at the Infinity Stones like _that_! **on the cover an the book was called..."_Infanty Stones_" "But what are Infanty Stones" I wondred, I reached my hand for the book cause it was like callin my name but only silantly like in a wisper of wondermint. **Mmm, delicious wondermint. It goes great with blue raspberry! **

I opened it an read it, it was 6000 pages **Seriously?! You need that much space to talk about the Infinity Stones?! I can sum it all up in a single sentence! *ahem* Comic writing nerds on acid in the 70s made up six shiny gems that control the universe. The end. **maybe longer even then Harry Poter **Harry Potter is, in fact ****4,224 pages long (thank you Google). And it says a lot she mentioned that series and not PJO. **but...I read it in 6 minutes cause magick. **Ok, how the f*** is she doing this?! She (supposedly) does not have super speed as a power, and at no point mentions the Time Stone so she can't be using that either! Explain, fanfic, explain! **It spelled wondrously of 6 magick jewls & whosumever holdened them would rule the intire world an be the most powreful bein to be. **See, even xxMoonlitexx can properly explain Infinity Stones in under 50 words! **Ever an all ways. **What's with awkward pause? Is this being said by William Shatner?! **My heart skumped... I knew this was my destany. **Nooo, your destiny was to fight during the Convergence or whatever? Right? Right?! **

I remembered of the prophacy **that we've never actually heard **and with a glim like a title wave in my brains I knew. **No. No no no no no. She cannot drag this paper thin plot out further. NO. **Nick Furry had it all wrong, teh mother fuker. **NO!**

My prophacy did not mean about Ultron or the Dark Elfs. **YES IT DID SHUT UP AND END ALREADY! **Instead it spoke of my destany to rule the 9 relms with these Infinaty Stones! **ARE YOU SH*TTING ME?! ARE YOU SH*TTING ME?! ANOTHER XXMOONLITEXX PROTAGONIST TAKES OVER THE WORLD PLOT?! AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH!**

I rerundled my mind at the pix of these stones and I knew...Loki had one! But where were the other 5. **You idiot. You literally mentioned the time stone two chapters ago in Civil War! **

"Omg, this is too fukin hard...send me a sin" **I don't think you've left any sins to be sent. ** I emplored my magicks. Suddenly I knew without bein told **Um, no, you _were _just told. By your magics. Because I guess it was too hard to think for more than a half second. **...there was a necklace thing with 1 eye sittin in the libry...what if this was a Infity Stone but hiding inside?

Quickly I swulled to the libry, **Aren't you already in the library? Well where were you reading the book than?! *space is warped and time is bendable* **there was the 1 eye necklace an I knew thus was the "_eye_" of '_acomo_!' **Acomo sounds like a pill one finds advertised on cable TV. Do not take Acomo if you are pregnant, or was pregnant, or know any woman who might be, one day, possibly, be pregnant. **Also a Infity Stone.

Just when I reached for this stone somethin gross an white an spider weblish garbbed it firstly!

"Who steals the eye of acomo" I damanded wrathly. It was...Spider man! (note...the new one NOT teh cryin bitch Dobby Magire **He does look like Dobby, doesn't he! **or even the hot one from the other new one. Even tho the old new one was acutely hotter & better in all teh ways) **Wait. Okay. So theres the hot new one and then theres the old hot new one and hot new one is hotter than the new hot new one so who's the new new one and whos the old new one and *oh dear I've gone crosseyed*** It was Spider man! **It was redundant! **

"give me my Infity Stone Spider Bitch" **Don't you dare talk to him like that! Peter Parker is like an adorable puppy shaped like a human who dresses like Roy from the IT Crowd! **I demanded "Or you will face teh rath of the Sorcer Supremo"

"Never" He said "I must give it to Mr Tony Stork"

I clinched my teeth...I could think of Tony Stiork aka Ironmans face if he gotten this stone, he would smerkfully think this made him better tehn me. **He already is better than you. **Also maybe he would rule the world. **The objective word here being maybe, as in he _might _be a delusional egomaniac bent on world domination, but you definitely are. So I'll take my chances. **

I knew, I had no chose so I must kick Spider Mans ass now.

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**Oh God! Not my cinnamon roll! I can't watch!**

**Antman and The Wasp- I don't like this movie and I don't know why. It has everything. Great acting, funny dialogue, an intimidating yet complex villain, a well crafted plot, and the some of the coolest fight scenes in the MCU. I should love this. I do love it. And yet... I don't. I just feel... underwhelmed, empty, and I don't know why! Help! Maybe I was just so emotionally drained after Infinity War that movies are forever ruined for me. Maybe it just felt kind of safe and boring. Maybe I'm just not particularly invested in Antman. But regardless of my personal problems, I think you should check out this movie for yourself. **


	23. Jeff Goldblum is the Gay Master

**Hey guys! Great news! xxMoonlitexx is updating her stories again, and so am I! Rasi and I are finally back in business on our Avengers AU Collab, so maybe check it out if you have time?**

**Thank you ****Kurt50Alien and Professor R.J Lupin1 for reviewing!**

**Guest Reviews:**

**Aitty: "I. Fucking. Swear. If. Evva. Kills. Him. I will write a (decent) fight scene where I murder Evva." I. Agree. Whole. Heartedly.**

**AGrapeWithNoSoul: "-*sigh* Doctor Strange was wearing the Time Stone around his neck in the last scene. Continuity, what's that?**

**-I'll admit I laughed at "teh crying bitch Dobby Maguire." Even Hanna is confused by all these Spider-Man reboots! Why does it not surprise me that she prefers Andrew Garfield's Spidey to Tom Holland? Although you'd think her favorite would be emo fake-edgy Peter from Spider-Man 3. He seems her type." 1\. *Space is warped and time is bendable* 2. It figures she'd like my least favorite Spiderman. And I imagine even xxMoonlitexx would sense the waves of Uncool wafting from Emo Peter. **

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Note...I watched Thor 3 an it kicked multiple ass! **She speaks truthfully! **Also lol you ppl said Loki would never be on a team 'The Revengers' well guess what...you were wrong an I was prooved, it said rite there in teh movie! **Yeah yeah yeah, rub it in. Although he wasn't really on the Team, though. At least, not for more than five minutes.**

21...The Gladiater Rink

So tehn **Ohhh! *wince* I can't read... **I kicked Spidermans ass. **...Wait, that's it? Oh thank God. I Guess even xxMoonlitexx couldn't hurt bring herself to really hurt Spidey. **Then he was all gone **Hopefully to be never seen again **but, suddently a rainbow lite fluckered thru the door! It was...a portel!

I stared with wondermint **So, is wondermint like, a naturally occurring plant or some sort of artificial flavoring? **"What is this wondermint" I said? **What, why the question mark, are you not sure you actually said it?! **

A finger busted from this portel, it was...Loki! **If there ever was a jackass to make his grand entrance with a middle finger, it would be this jackass. **He was wearin his horny helmet an everything.

"Omg Loki why are you here" I damanded "Also Im the Sorcer Supremo now" I said said this not be bragful ***claims she's not a braggart*** but cause I wanted him to know of my bad assry. ***literally gives definition of bragging***

"Good, now thou mustard use this '_gift_' of magicks" Loki said "There is grave danger in Assgard, I tried to warn thou sooner but, I was **farting around watching community theater and pretending to be Odin **kidnapped by Docter Strange so I had to escape"

Suddently, another figurn busted from the portel, also! It was...Thor! **Yay!**

"Thor what they fuk" **No! No they do not! **I said all confust.

"No hes on our side now, we must fight as 1 team" Explaned Loki. But I knew he was goin to bertray him later anyway. **Because Loki is literally that predictable.** But that was acutely ok cause he would only betray Thor an some other ppl but never me.

"Yes we are simply...Revengers" Said Thor mightly, **Hey, in this universe the OG Revengers consisted entirely of villains. So is Thor evil now?! **he acutely had short hair now an wasnt ugly ***read: blonde* **any more, he was maybe hot but not like Loki but,not like a sheeple fish ether. **He is hot like a chiseled Roman statue of a mighty general of the Republic, going off in his hot sleeveless armor to conquer the hordes with his hotness an also epic lightening powers! ... Shuttup, I like Thor, okay?! **

"Ok so whats this danger" I said askfully.

"It is...our evil sister Hella, shes the godness of Death an Odin just died so she busted from a potrel and now she wants to take over **Ass Guard **Assgard with a dead skulleton army, also a wold" Explaned Thor.

My blood snurled at this distrage "She cant do that... **Ass Guard **Assgard is for Loki not Hella" **And Thor's just standing there, the realization overcoming him that he's surrounded by psychopaths. **Also I didnt care the Odin was dead cause he was old & evilish. **Holiday Fun Fact: One of the many disparate folk figures woven together to create good ole Saint Nick was, in fact, Odin. So if you hate Odin, you hate Santa! **

"Wtf where is she now" I yelled.

"Shes in **Ass Guard **Assgard" Said Thor, sadly "We must stoppest her!"

But rite then, somethin rainbowful sucked us all up, there was spin an we apparated on a strange garbaged planet!

"Omg what happened tho" I yelled.

"Hella teleporteled us" Yelled Loki "This is the gladiater rink planet" **Sakaar, actually. Its called Sakaar. But if you think War Machine's name is Roads and Ronan has an eight pack, I can't expect you to remember something like that.**

Instently a bunch of bonty hunters garbbed us all! **Well maybe they wouldn't have found you if Loki hadn't decided to yell the exposition at the top of his lungs! Great going there, genius! **(I could of beat them all exept they cheated an put a electrickal zipper on my neck to nutralize my magicks ok) **Wait, Evva never mentioned Thor loosing his hammer, right? So with the combined strength of a full Thor, a Mary Sue, and... whatever Loki does, they should have totally been able to defeat a couple trash bandits! **

They put us to a werd ass looking man in eye liner **But not too much because he wasn't gay? **an slickly robes "Im the Game Master" He said to us. **ALL HAIL JEFF GOLDBLUM! ALL HAIL JEFF GOLDBLUM!**

"Your teh gay master lol whut" I snided.

"Well normally I would melt u for this affensive **Please. If someone said this to the real Game Master, he'd probably be like "Yes, well, that too" **saying but,no" He said "Your too powerful melt like a sad small ice cube **I must use this insult at some point in my life**, instead I want you all to fight in my gladiater rink, its like the Hunger Games ok" **It's not really like the Hunger Games, its more like... Super Smash Bros? Maybe? Help me out, guys!**

"Thou are tryin to kill us, well I say thou never... we would rather die" Said Thor ***facepalm***"Also Hunger Games sucks" (**He doesn't mean it, he just really doesn't like Gale. Hemsworth sibling rivalry and all that. **But not reallu he just said this to be insaltive so it did not matter the truth)

"excuse me did u say somethin well never mind I dont care bitch" Said the Gay Master "Lol" **If anyone could make this dialogue work, its Jeff Goldblum **he threw us into the rink, there was a mightly crowd thirsted for blood. But they werent gettin mine, I knew now...I must be the new champon-winer! **You already are the Champion Whiner!**

But rite then I heared a noise like thudnern but it was thundern, it wasnt even Thor it was simpy...teh Increduble HulK!

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**Wait, wasn't Hulk on honeymoon with Thor in space an stuff?! How'd he end up here?!**

**Captain Marvel- So, when this movie first came out, I came out of the theater still pumped with movie-going adrenaline and wrote a glowing blurb on my fanfiction encouraging everyone to see it. Now that the excitement has died down... yeah, my opinions have soured a little. This film is... definitely one of the weaker MCU entries. It has its highs, don't get me wrong. The special effects and cinematography are good for the most part, although the opening in KreeLand is a bit overstimulating, fast, and confusing, although I feel like its supposed to disorient us as much as it disorients Danvers. Most of the supporting cast is really good, especially the cat. I loved the cat. The plot is, however, rather mixed. It looks good on paper but has some pacing problems and the ending just lacks punch. But that may be because of how little I sympathize with the main character. Seriously, in every MCU film up until this point, no matter how mediocre the rest of the film was, our hero was always great. But Captain Marvel is just really, really bland. And kind of stuck up. Brie Larson acts like a wooden plank in this role, she doesn't have the emotional depth needed to make an OP character sympathetic, like Thor is, she doesn't have the charisma needed for us to like her even in her jerk moments, like Tony, we keep being _told_ she's such a good person but up until the final act everything she's ever done is for her own ego or selfish gain, and even helping the Skrulls feels more like an act of pettiness against the Kree than actually wanting to protect innocents. She has very little chemistry with anyone, especially the 100% forgettable main villain Yon Rogg, and cannot hold her own against the other, better characters. I seriously wish Monica Rambeau had become Captain Marvel instead of Carol Danvers because she is ten times more fun to watch. Also, this movie makes some seriously stupid long term decisions. Making the Skrulls be innocent refugee good guys all along is a cute plot twist the first time you watch it, but they just threw away a chance for some really interesting grey vs grey morality conflicts for Danvers, as well as any chance of having a Secret Invasion event down the line. And now every time we watch the Avengers, or Age of Ultron, or any other movie involved a major threat to Earth, you wonder why Nick Fury didn't just contact Captain Marvel. Thank God Wonder Woman was the first female superhero movie instead of this turd. **


	24. Thanos Brakes Some Necks

**Happy New Year Guys! The 2020s are starting off strong with trailers for Wonder Woman 1984 and Black Widow! I can't wait to see these movies!**

**Thank you ****Lady of Trolls and OneBeatboxingTangerine for following and favoriting!**

**Guest Reviews:  
AGrapeWithNoSoul: "-Even xxMoonlitexx couldn't completely ruin Jeff Goldblum! I honestly love that she misheard Game Master as Gay Master. It still fits!**

**-I hope her newfound goodwill for Thor wasn't setup for an Evva/Loki/Thor love triangle that we were thankfully spared." 1\. He's the Game Master in public, but the _Gay _Master in the bedroom. 2. God, please no. Although, Thor was headed down a very "pretty angst" root in Infinity War, which xxMoonlitexx probably would have liked. Thank goodness he got fat instead!**

**Aitty: "**** -The whole plot of Hela wanting to take over Asgard/The World has never made sense to me, TBH. According to Norse Mythology, she has her own world. Why, exactly, does she need or want another?**

**\- To say it the way Moonlite would, it's like teh "laberyinth" but without all teh walls and mazey bits, and tehre's no Monitars, and teh peoples have to fight to teh DETH!**

**\- I prefer Moon Daughter." 1\. Well, in _Thor: Ragnarok_, Hela doesn't have a world, just a prison. And even if she does rule Helheim, why not also become the Queen of Everything?! According to Norse Mythology, Thor is a ginger and Odin and Loki are BFFs, so we can't apply them to the comics. 2. Hmmm, yeah... also the Colosseum in its glory days. 3. Don't we all.**

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Note...If ur wonderin why there was no more update well u can guess why cause... **you're a lazy sonnuva-**Infininity War. **Oh, that too. **1...it was fukin turmatic **2... she literally put no 2 **an 3...it was derpressin. Also there was some school ok its not a "free country" like u thunk, theres still an this school, makes u "not free" **Captain Anarchy would be proud.**

22...Thanos Brakes My Heart

It was...the Incredububle Hulk! I knew I must kick his ass like I had offen kicked many asses bafore, in a solid line off to the dawn of Time **Solid Line Dawn of what? Oh great, xxMoonlitexx is off her meds again**... but this 1 was green an stonger then even iron steel. **Didn't stop you from beating him in Chapter 9, and you were way less OP then! **But there was no time to think **since when do you think?! **on this cause it was time to simply,act. I could not use my Sorcer Supremesy powers cause this zipper of evil to nuralize them, so I must use only my mind to be clever. **In that case, she's doomed. **This was acutely clever of my cause this was teh Hulks weakfulness...he was not clever but instead a dum ass. **Hulk: Puny goth is pot! Hulk is kettle! They both green! **I thought...I must uterize this weakfulness. **So, quick warning, do _not _look up this term on Urban Dictionary. Just... don't.**

But like I said there was no time for thinkin but instead only for action **I wonder how many minutes everyone was just standing there while Evva mustered up the brainpower to realize Hulk was dumb. **so I moved quickly, like 1 smooth bolt of lightnin I took a string **out of my ass apparently because where TF did that come from?! **an made a jump rope an the Hulk did not see this so he tripped into it an feel. *******One dutch, two dutch ****queens of the double dutch/****we skip better than you by that much/****watch our feet our moves are sweet/****our double dutchin won't be beat.* God, I miss Phineas and Ferb. **Instently I took off my zipper from teh Gay Master an put it on Hulk, **WHAT?! You could just take it off THE WHOLE TIME! Then what was this whole stupid fight about?! **he got electralized an **angrier because you can't hurt a Hulk out that easily **knocked inconsous. To the horrer of the Gay Master he started to shrink, he kept shrinkin until he was smaller an he become Buce Banner. Then I kicked Burce Banners normel ass an I was... **a rancorous little bitch who kicks people while they're down? **the winer! **That too.**

"Truly thou hast used thou brain of cleverfulness" Imprased Loki. **He's talking about himself. **

A single tear trilled from Thors eye "I see now I has juged thou unfarily" He said with a voice of sadness an maybe also love **DONT FUCKING DARE YOU HUSSY! Oh my God, AGrapeWithNoSoul was right, she _was _going to make a love triangle!** but it would not be a love that was retruned cause my heart balonged to 1 person only an that was Loki not Thor but maybe also Thor didnt know this, also he was single now cause he dumped his muggle gf **Well, she dumped him. But it makes him feel better to say it was a mutual dumping. **but I didnt acutely care cause my heart balonged toly to 1 person (Loki) **I love how she feels the need to clarify. **

Anyways there was only 1 thing in my brain rite now... **Evva's Brain: *****kill kill kill! lust lust lust! Hot Topic Hot Topic!* **to contect all 6 Infity Stones. They would be mind but how.

Suddenly there was a ghostish flush like a loud snap, it was like maybe a thousand ppl died. **Wait wut? **Rite when I thought this to my brain a thousand ppl dusted into ashes around us and were no more! **How- ajudfv! jiageZ! *stammering* **

"Wtf like a thousand ppl died, what is this fukery" Said Thor all confussed "Its like they were misted bafore thou very eye" **Yeah, totally WTF, how did this happen?! Thanos doesn't even have all the Infinity Stones yet! **(Also Hella wasn't a problem anymore cause she got dusted to ashes too ok) **Y'know, you could at least _try _to stay on topic for one chapter.**

"Very wtf in deed...who hashed dusted these ppl" Damanded Loki.

Suddenly a big plane landed (the kind that goes in space) **You mean a space ship?** an a man gotten off on it. But this was not a simple man, it was acutely an alian but just a plane alianl. He was big an purple an shrivened like a an evil ball sack ***ew***, it was...Thanos!1 He smiled in a way makes u hate him **YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT I FEEL! **"I have 5 infity stones an I need only 1 left" He gleered.

I gaseped, he could only mean this 1 inifinity stone taht hunged from my neck! "never" I damanded all bad ass "If u want it then come an take it u fuking rasin"

But, he did not. Instead he reeched to take it for his self! **Wait, did he take it or not?! **In my horrer I forgot my magicks ok, **You are so useless.** anywauys it still couldnt work cause of this zipper. **What zipper?! You mean the one you just pasted onto Hulk?! *space is warped and time is bendable* **"I will choke u an then...I will take ur infitity stone" He said! **Y'know, in the time it took him to say that, Thanos literally could have just killed them already and put me out of my misery. **

"Omg" I yelled, maybe he would of win (note...but only cause he was a cheeter, if I had my powers I would kill him cleerly ok) **So you have enough time to yell "OMG" but not enough to, oh, I don't know, DUCK?! **

"Nnnnnnnooooo" Yelled Loki, he jumped in front off me quick (but it looked like slow mo ok) an Thanos choked him in stead! **Choking isn't instantaneous, y'know. Thanos could have easily tossed him aside and continued heading for Evva.**

"Loookiiii no" I yelled in horrer but it was too late! **Well maybe it wouldn't have been if you'd stopped doing stuff "in horrer" and ACTUALLY REACTED!**

"Bafore I die I wanted to say... **thank Odin, now I can finally get rid of you! **I love u Saga...always ramember thou true self, Ill always ramember thou...in thou heart..." Said Loki, then, he died! **Wow. Suprisingly eloquent considering he _just got choked_.**

"Quick thou mustest get from here" Said Thor, he garbbed me an put on the plane an it flew away from this place of evil. **So... I guess we're never gonna see Meik or Korg or Valkyrie. And they left Bruce on Sakaar too. **

"Omg shut the fuk up Thor, u dont know...what is it...to have u love DIE" I yelled angerly, how would his small brain to containerize such a thing like a braken heart. _**Yeah, it's not like he's recently lost his mother, and his father, and his girlfriend, and his home planet, and just had to abandon his boyfriend, and Loki was his FRIGGIN BROTHER OR ANYTHING. OH WAIT. **_

I feltered a deep sadness but also a grate rage of anger, I knew...I must kill Thanos, he would pay for this deed!

Thor kept talkin "We mustest not lettest Thor get this 1 stone left **We mustn't let _Thor_?! Plot Twist, Thor is actually Thanos!**, we will hide it in the 1 place he will never guess, this place is...thou planet earth" **_Yes! Brilliant tactic! You shall hide the stone... in the place where most of the other stones were! He'll never look there!_ *facepalm***

He didnt know this was no time to fill the air of space with the pettinus of empty words. My heart was cold like a exploded star, **I always figured an exploding star would be hot. **I thought, how will I live now with no Loki. I thought maybe I should just give Thanos this Inifty Stone so he would destroy all of the universe then maybe the unverse would feel my distrage & hoplessness an there would be...a end. **Wow, aren't you selfish. **But then I thought no, then Thanos would win an this fuker would not win, I needed to get revenge cause Loki.

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**Holy Crap, its actually over! I'll give a review and some future plans in the next chapter. And how fitting that we end this fanfic with the end of the Infinity Saga.**

**Avengers: Endgame- HOOOOOLY CRAP THIS WAS EPIC! Like, wow, was this a CONCLUSION! Avengers Endgame had the toughest tasks of any MCU film, and it was the pt 2 of a perfect pt 1. And, time travel illogistics aside (just, try and ignore those) it itself if pretty flawless. Well, for me personally. The Russo Brothers once again step up to the task of juggling a giant cast of juggernauts with skill, everyone gets their fair share of time. Except Professor Hulk, like, I really wanted to see how he worked out his problems! Tony's death is just poetic and tragic and beautiful and I was sobbing like a baby in the theater, and Cap finally got his well-deserved dance! I know people with split about Thor's weight gain, and I have to say, while I'll miss those gorgeous abs its nice to see a realistic portrayal of grief and depression that doesn't shy away from the ugly parts, and I'm also glad they had a little dark humor. I don't think I could have handled more straight misery in the sobering first act. Speaking of which, ballsy move to start placing the films in the Not So Distant Future and utterly averting the "Status Quo is God" trope we expect from Superhero media. The time travel scenes with just pure fanservice, showing us our favorite moments from new and intriguing angles. And the fight... oh God, that whole fight. Every. Second. I loved it. **

**AVENGERS!**

**assemble**


	25. The End?

**Wow, that was slog! Not mention a testament to my laziness, since it took me almost as long to finish this 22 chapter spork than the 72 chapter long Moondaughter. And those 22 chapters have not been easy!**

**I think its fair to say that this is xxMoonlitexx's B-material. Sure, its still So Bad Its Good, but it lacks the batshit insanity I've come to associate with Hannah. Evva is just as selfish, whiny and idiotic as Flavia, but lacks her killer edge, which honestly makes her less appealing to watch. Her "romance" with Loki is one of the least convincing couples ever, unless of course you look at it from the perspective of him manipulating her the whole time, in which case it becomes a hilariously accurate depiction of everyone's favorite Marvel Villain. Emphasis on villain here, because no matter how hot you think Loki is, or how sympathetic, he's still a mentally unstable psychopath. But in the Evva Universe, everyone is, if the horribly out of character depictions of the Avengers are anything to go by. And seriously, xxMoonlitexx, if you're going to rip canon to shreds, go all in. Don't form the Revengers one minute and then insist you had to kill Coulson cause "it happened in teh movies" the next. And I think that's whats stopping this fanfic to rise (or sink) to the level of Moondaughter: it pushes forward too fast, refusing to stay in one moment for too long, has to jump to the next movie. I feel like it fell totally off the rails in Chapter 17, when the entire major conflict was resolved by a deus ex machina and there was no promised part 2! And here I am, seriously analyzing a troll fic. Oh God. I need a life.**

**And a life I shall have! Sort of. I'll definitely continue this spork if xxMoonlitexx ever updates, but it seems unlikely she will. In the meantime, I've got a lot of projects to possibly continue, and I'm too indecisive to decide what I should focus on next! So I've provided a list for you, the audience, and a handy poll on my website!**

**The Options:**

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**1\. A Spork of Moondaughter 2**

** Summary: I'll be dramatically commentating the next part of the Flavia Saga, Moondaughter 2: Rise of a Godess. Like Evva: Agent of Shield, this fanfic is unfinished, unlike Evva, its ongoing, so I have no idea when or if it'll be completed. **

** Schedule: I have no way to copy/paste Moondaughter 2, just like this fanfic, so expect a similarly spotty schedule with an attempt at bi-weekly updates.**

* * *

**2\. Sergeant Stark**

** Summary: This AU Avengers fanfic is a collaboration between myself and Rasi, and we'll definitely continue to work on it regardless of any other projects, but it might be best to just focus on that for a while.**

** Schedule: I have no idea! Like I said, its a collab, I write one chapter, he writes the next, and our last hiatus was for practically half a year, so who knows when or if the next chapter will come out!**

* * *

**3\. A Spork of Something Else**

** Summary: Got another badfic out there you want me to spork? Or maybe you're kind of a masochist and want me to bash your own creation! I'm taking requests! Just be aware I won't spork the requested fic if A) It is total smut or B) If it is someone else's fic and I don't think its tasteless enough. I don't want to be a bully or discourage an amateur writer. **

** Schedule: Depends. If I can copy/paste, it can be consistently bi-weekly! If I can't... it'll probably take the same time as Agent of Shield.**

* * *

**4\. The Official Fanfiction Academy of PJO**

** Summary: A Fanfiction Academy is basically where canon characters bring bad writers in order to teach them to respect the canon, usually through a combo of Humilation and Pain. I've been rough drafting a story about a troll fic writer who gets sent to one by accident for a while. It will also be a SYOC.**

** Schedule: There will be at least a two week hiatus between the first chapter and the second so OCs can be submitted and I can figure out what I want to do with them. After that the schedules pretty unclear, but I will attempt to update weekly.**

* * *

**5\. Impractical Jokers: Demigod Addition Series 2**

** Summary: So, DarkPaladin000 can no longer update his hilarious Percy Jackson fanfiction, and I want to continue his legacy and make a sequel starring Grover, Nico Di Angelo, Travis Stoll and Dakota. I will attempt to be funny, but your mileage may vary...**

** Schedule: This may be the only fic on the list where I'll have to do actual research. Mainly, watching episodes of Impractical Jokers to get ideas for challenges and stuff. Timeliness is not my big concern here.**

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**And that's all folks! If you have any other suggestions, please respond through PM or review, although I prefer reviews!**

**Until next time!**

**-Sage**


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